Pretty good year...

Happy 2nd day after Christmas. Yes, I'm done with this holiday & ready to move on to January. But, before I do I must write my list of accomplishments this year. That's another blog for another day.

This blog is about our holiday. Not only did I get a Christmas cold & a cold sore to go with it, but I got diamond earrings, new work out shoes & clothes, a new (used) car, a bunch of happy children, drinky at a hockey game & a trip to Texas! And J's 1,000 dollars in cash from his rich Grandparents will be our spending money. Woot!

I'm sitting on this couch feeling like crap & I have a house to clean, six people to pack for & a plane to catch on Tuesday where I will spend 7 glorious days in a warm climate. The only sad part is we are not taking our puppy, Sybil, & she will be rooming with a friend & her dog. And, I'm okay with that because she just farted & man does it smell!

So instead of doing anything productive I'm going to cheer on the Cowboys in an hour while they take on the Redskins. Should be fun!

Why did I stop blogging?

Really. Why?

Because I'm lazy. I have been so busy doing real life things that I usually spend about an hour online a day. That's a far cry from the 19 hours a day I used to spend surfing the web. So, here I am.

What's new in the world?

The boy is now 12 & turning in to a teenager in front of my eyes. Mood swings, included. He yelled at me yesterday & my feelings were really hurt. I should just learn that there will be a lot more of that to come. Sigh. But, he is still the apple of my eye & he still shows me I'm important to him in his own ways. His new nickname for me is CT. (camel toe) Snort.

Lavagirl is doing great in school & she enjoys that I spent a lot of time in her classroom volunteering. Last night she told me she was not a fan of Charnay wine! I'm not sure where she got that from, but she makes me laugh. She does really appreciate one on one time with me & even though I don't get to do that often, we have a great time when we do. Last night the twins were at their dad's so Lavagirl & I reenacted Bolt. I was mom, she was Penny & Sybil was Boltie! And then we sang Christmas carols at the top of our lungs while she took a shower. Good times.

Thing 1 & Thing 2 are great. Thing 1 got glasses & she looks beautiful in them. I am so grateful for my beautiful, smart little girls. They are growing up way too fast & their 6th birthday is just around the corner. And, even when they drive me batshit crazy I just look at them & remind myself how lucky I am.

J & I still have some issues, but we're both trying. More often then not we let the stress of every day life get in the way of our relationship. Today he asked me if I would consider seeing a counselor with him & I agree that we probably need that. I need to stop being so angry & he needs to stop taking his stress out on me. We'll get there. I hope.

And, apparently, last night J went to his Grandfather's house to fix his TV & his Grandfather started talking about how much he likes me. He's going to give me his wife's Mercedes when he buys her a new one next year. I'm not holding my breath, but damn, that'd be sweet. Rich people are funny.

Last but not least here is our holiday card this year. I will get them in the mail today to my family so at least they'll get them by New Years. Until next time...

A day in the life...

Woke up, peed. J wakes up & takes the d.o.g. outside. I get up & enjoy the fact that it's already 7:36 & the twins slept at their dad's house so I don't have to wake them or dress them. They walk in the house 4 minutes later & I give them each a donut. (bad mom, I know, but J bought them as a surprise) They eat, potty, we re-do their hair & I look up & it's almost 8. I run downstairs, step in dog poop with my bare foot (thanks Sybil) & call out for help. J runs downstairs to help me get some of it off of the bottom of my foot so that I can walk upstairs to clean the rest in the bathtub. Just as I finish up I see it's after 8 & we gotta go! The girls & I run to the bus stop & the bus is pulling up to the stop. They get on the bus & I contemplate blowing off my morning at the school. I get home & make some toast in the oven which burns while I'm out back coaxing Sybil to come back inside after her great escape to the neighbor's yard. I toss that toast out & start over as I open my laptop & email Mrs. Teacher & tell her I'm feeling "under the weather".

I sit down, eat my toast, drink my OJ & enjoy my peace & quiet. Now, I think I'm going to nap.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Busy bee stops to blog.

Seriously. Where does the time go?

Sybil is doing well. She's our new Aussie puppy & we're so glad we've added her to our crazy family. She runs with me every morning & sleeps in my bed at night. She has fleas & worms... both of which we are trying to remedy.

The kids are great. Thing 2 won an award at school & she will have a huge cheering section on Thursday as J, ex, me & my cousin visiting from Texas will be attending her assembly. I'm so proud of her. Thing 1 has a horrible attitude problem lately & some days I want to slap her, but I have refrained. Lavagirl is has been a bit emotional, but she is doing great in school & I'm very proud of her achievements this year so far! The boy is turning 12 in a few weeks & we're having a boy/girl party at the house. Lord, help me!

I am still busy at the school these days. Last week I went on a field trip with the Boy to Hemlock Overlook Park. I climbed 60 feet up in the air, walked a wire & then ziplined to my death. I mean, what I thought was going to be my death... I really didn't die, obviously. I hate heights, but dammit I was the cool mom on that trip! Snort.

I ran my first 5K on Saturday. Not only did I finish in 31:45, but I ran the entire thing & it was mostly uphill. Ouch. GO ME! GO ME! GO ME!

I've been working out still. I run with Sybil in the mornings & then hit the gym, so it's now double work outs. I have lost 5-6 lbs & am at a weight I've not been since high school. Hells yeah!

And aside from just now finding time to update my iPod & blog, I am going to have a busy few days with my cousin visiting, kids school & getting shit done around this house. Oh & partying with my cousin.

Until next time.

Our Swine Flu update

Both girls have been fever free for 12 hours. Knock on wood, but they may be beating this shit. I hope so, because I'm tired of not being able to love on them & they are tired of watching movies & coloring in their room. I just want to cuddle with them in my bed, but with this being so contagious I've had to keep my distance. Because let's be honest, if I got sick who is going to take care of this house? Snort.

So far, I'm still healthy. J is fine & so are the Boy & Lavagirl. I hope it stays that way!

I have had very little sleep, though. I'm up every 2 hours checking temps & giving out meds. The night before last I got 2 hours of sleep. So, since the girls are still sleeping I am going to go rest.

I leave you with this -

Fear of the Pig

This morning as I was explaining to J that Type A could be H1N1 I found myself spouting out a wealth of useless knowledge on the subject. And then, I started forming opinions... uh oh.

I now have it figured out. They don't test you specifically for H1N1 because they don't want to have reported cases of people who survive the swine flu. They like to wait until someone gets sick & hospitalized to test them for H1N1. This way they can publicize it all over the media how serious the swine flu can be. And, if they report all the people (like my 5 year old daughters) who probably do have it & are going to survive it just fine they won't be putting the FEAR OF THE PIG in to the world.

And it pisses me off. Yesterday I was so scared shitless that my kids were going to get so sick from the swine flu. Yes, they are sick. And no, we aren't taking lightly. But, they are in their room eating chips & watching a movie. Thing 2 has been fever free since 1am. But, I fully expect it to come back around, again. That's the sickness.

And guess what people? I'm probably going to get it. I have worn my mask, washed my hands, taken airborne, popped vitamins, sprayed the doorknobs with Lysol & dried my hands out with hand sanitizer. I have 4 more days to wait until I know for sure.

Tick tock. Tick tock. Tick tock.

H1N1, really.... TAKE 2

Thing 1 is now on her way to Urgent Care with the ex. Probable cause - Type A flu. Which means it is likely the swine flu.

Oh the joys.

H1N1, really.

Thing 2 tested positive for Type A flu today at the hospital. It's not definitely swine flu, but more than likely, yes. Apparently unless you are admitted they do not run a specific test.

Talk about being scared shitless.

Sigh.

Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day

If everyone lights a candle tonight at 7pm and keeps it burning for at least one hour, there will be a continuous wave of light over the entire world on Oct 15th, Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. In loving memory of Kiara Isabelle who was born to heaven on January 31, 2003. And, love & light to every mother who has suffered a loss.

So mad I forgot to title.

I am so upset right now. And, I'm angry at J. He's accusing me of turning things in to a competition, but he's the one who does it. If I mention ANYTHING about his ex-wife he goes apeshit. But, I'm sorry. After this morning's incident I had to come home & say something to him.

We're all at the bus stop when EX-WIFE pulls up with the kids. The boy jumps out & Lavagirl does not. I go open the door & she's still eating breakfast. Her hair's a mess & her outfit is crumpled. Obviously, she just woke up. Unless you've been living under a rock you know that Lavagirl does not function well after just waking up. It takes her at least 1/2 hour to an hour to ditch the crabby attitude. Nothing wrong with that... it's just her. She will be very clingy in this time & this morning was no different.

She threw herself on the ground, stomped her feet & screamed for her mother who was trying to leave. EX-WIFE got out, hugged her & tried to leave again. It got worse & by this time the bus was waiting for Lavagirl to get on it. (Kindergarteners on first!) I looked at EX-WIFE as Lavagirl is screaming & said, "She can't get on the bus like this!" To which she responds, "She's fine!" & she puts her on the bus.

Sigh.

No child deserves to go to school upset. It's not fair. Do I know what is wrong with Lavagirl? I think so. She doesn't spend enough time with her mother. That & they don't wake up in enough time. Why is it so hard to get up at 7am??

J thinks I compare my ex's house to his ex's house & honestly, there is no competition. I do expect J to say something to his ex-wife about today's incident. If I do it I will lose my fucking cool because I would NEVER put my baby on a bus when they were that upset.

And, GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER WOMAN! You have your kids every other week. Suck it up, go to bed earlier & set your fucking alarm so they don't look like ragamuffins when they leave your fucking house.

/end rant

It's my day to volunteer in Lavagirl's class this morning. Hopefully she'll be in better spirits! Love, love, love.

Can you please come in...

at 10:45 next Friday for paper mache pumpkins?

Sorry for the short notice, but can you come in today at noon for PT Art? (it's 10:46am)

We need a computer lab volunteer. Can you do every Friday in October from 1-1:30?

Our class needs an art helper every Tuesday from 11:45-12:30. Are you available?

We started our centers. Can you be the Wednesday volunteer? It's every week from 9:30-10:30.

Snort.

The elementary should just give me an office & a paycheck.

The Big Decision

So, every week while the girls are in dance class I stroll down to the pet store in the same shopping plaza as the dance studio. A few weeks ago they got a litter of Australian Shepards. And I fell in love with them. I would come by once a week & pet them. Last week all 8 were still there & yesterday they were down to just 2!

The guy in the pet store asked me if I wanted to hold one. Of course I did! So, I put the little girl in my arms & we cuddled for 15 minutes... long enough to develop an attachment. Sigh.

I've already named her. Double sigh.

It took J about an hour to be convinced that a dog would be fine, but now I'm still convincing myself. I love dogs. I'd love to have one. I have time for a dog right now with my schedule. The kids would love a dog. Our house is only 2400 sq feet, but that's okay, right? Our backyard is not fenced, but we back to woods, have plenty of paths & sidewalks & I could use the exercise.

What happens if J & I broke up? Who would get the dog? What happens if the dog is untrainable like the two Boxer puppies J had when I met him? (those dogs were horrible!) What if J's cat hates the dog? What if the dog hates the cat? What do we do with her when we go out of town?

What if we just brought her home & she fit in perfectly with our family?

Decisions, decisions.

Tuesday, but it feels like Monday.

A couple of big deals.

After meeting with a pulmonary specialist yesterday, cancer has been ruled out! WAAAAAAAAAAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! J isn't going to die. Frolic.

The though of cancer maybe ruined our romantic weekend in Ocean City, MD. Add drinky to stressed & the romance just wasn't there. But, we had fun anyways.

I've finally been to Seacrets. And, now I know what all of the fuss is about. J picked up a pair of lovely 20-something year old sisters. I had a guy introduce J & I to his friends as the "coolest couple I've ever met!" We are pretty damn cool. And to the guy with the bra around your neck... YOU GO! The band actually played Toes. My sister would be so proud.

We're off to Philly in two weeks to hang out with some awesome twin moms. Should be fun.

Until next time!

Another edition of Friday's random thoughts

1. I had a spinach/cheddar scone from Whole Foods. It was delish!

2. I can't get in to my yahoo email. Weird.

3. J & I are still half sick & going to attempt our romantic getaway to Ocean City, MD this evening. We'll see who coughs first.

4. I am thinking of taking a nap. Snicker, snicker.

5. My next door neighbors have kissed & made up!

6. J & I still can't figure out who Jenette was.

10. Have a great weekend.

I need a re-do of this entire week.

This week has been horrible, thus far. And today's incident takes the cake. Speaking of cake, HAPPY BIRTHDAY J! Today he is 34. Love you! (he does read this blog from time to time)

So, in order to provide J with a birthday thrill, I took a no-no picture on my phone. Come on, haven't we all done this?

BUT I sent it to the wrong person on accident. And I have no clue who Jenette is on my phone, but she received it & texted back, "I think you sent this to the wrong person". No shit, eh? I have no clue who you are. Then I spent the next half hour wracking my brain making sure it's not a PTA mother or something.

I am a fucking idiot.

That is all.

A neighborhood divided.

If a complete stranger sent you an email claiming your significant other had cheated on you would you

a) give your partner the benefit of the doubt after their explanation?

or

b) believe the complete stranger with absolutely no solid proof?

This is the drama J & I dealt with this weekend.

And, no, it isn't something that happened to me, but to our next door neighbors. Now, J & I are caught in the middle because wife is my friend & husband is his.

Believe it or not, we live in a semi-normal neighborhood. Snort.

Friday random thoughts

1. Back when my life was full of drama, my blogs were funnier. Now, they are lame.

2. My shoulder hurts from lifting weights yesterday.

3. My personal trainer is a killer. See #2.

4. A few nights ago I had to most vivid nightmare where I drove my car into the ocean accidentally & couldn't get out in time. I woke up right before I drowned. Sigh. I hate these types of dreams because I tend to obsess about their meanings.

5. The babysitter is coming tonight so J & I can have a hot date.

6. I love pastrami.

7. Thing 1 has been seriously back-talking. I'm at a loss. She says things like no, so what & I don't care frequently. Cry. I washed her mouth out with soap last night for telling J no (while he was talking to her about telling me no) & she crossed her arms & said, "That doesn't taste like anything." Sigh, again.

8. I have polka dot toes.

9. J's birthday is next Wednesday so next weekend I'm taking him to Ocean City, MD for a nice, romantic weekend ALONE. And it also happens to be winefest on the beach! Yay!

10. If you made it through this list, have a great weekend!

Three is the lonliest number.

Today's topic - threesomes.

I hate things in threes. Mo, Curly, & Larry. Jack, Chrissy (Terri) & Janet. The Jonas Brothers. God, especially the Jonas Brothers. Snort.

Threesomes are complicated. Someone always gets left out. Feelings get hurt. There is way too much effort in trying to keep things "fair" that you forget to just have some fun. And then what happens? People fight, get angry, get upset & throw Martian Matter all over each other.

And you thought this post was about sex, didn't you? Nah. Been there done that. This post is about Thing 1, Thing 2 & Lavagirl. Sigh. If you take one away the other two play blissfully. When you add the 3rd in to the mix all hell breaks loose.

Any suggestions?

I'm busier now than ever.

Today, I was so busy being a domestic Goddess that I didn't sit down for the first time until 3:30pm.

I stayed in Texas too long...

Expect the unexpected.

It's been a while since I wrote anything, but I've been busy. Last week I was at the school when I got a dreaded call. My Aunt Karen had passed away in her sleep the night before at the young age of 57. I left immediately for Texas for the next 6 days. It was not all sad times. I spent time with my cousins, sister, nephew, grandmother & enjoyed the beach & the bars. It was a trip of mixed emotions.

Then I get home to mass chaos, a messy house, my wonderful fiance, 4 amazing children & a week's worth of Kindergarten homework. The weekend has passed & all I managed to do today was recover from last night's good time with our friends, Hottie #1 & Weiner. We are crazy! Tomorrow I have 1,000 things to do before the kids get off the bus & Monday is their early day.

I need a calendar, a bulletin board, an assistant & groceries.

Sigh.

I will write soon. If I don't, please send the PTA to look for me.

I want the body of my dreams.

I really do. I'm not even fat, I know this. I have been fat, yes. I used to weigh almost 200lbs - at two points in my life. I weigh between 158-162 which given the fact that I'm very muscular is pretty good. I'm a perfect size 8. And, honestly, I grew up in 14s & 12s, so Lola is quite content with her perfect size 8.

Lola is not content with a few sections of her body. Okay, I'll quit using 3rd person. I have strong abs, but I've had twins, remember? So, my mid section sucks. (no stretch marks, just mushy) Here is where I critique my entire body to you, my internet blog audience. I hate my stomach. I hate the flab under my arms where my triceps should be... I hate the back of my thighs. And I hate back fat, which I have very little of, but hate what little I have.

I've been working out for years. In 2003 I started running. I lost 30lbs, quickly. I ran for days, mile after mile. I fucked up my knees. Thank you very much. I quit running when I was pregnant the first time. I gained 15lbs & after I lost the baby I decided not to try to lose weight because we were going to try again. Bam, twins! Then after I had the twins I was up to 194lbs shortly after delivery. I know, I know, what can you expect after a 42lbs weight gain?? I was nursing & exercise caused Mastitis. (google it if you don't know what that is) I was eating like a cow anyways. Long story short I was chubby. And, after we bought our house I joined a gym. And, for a year I was very religious. I did tone up & dropped to about 175lbs. Once the separation came I lost another 15lbs & now I'm at this weight. Which I am comfortable with, but want to work on those troubled spots.

So, since you can't have that toned body without some type of weight loss I have realistic goals. Ten lbs. And I hired a personal trainer last week. So, in four weeks I want 10lbs gone & I want to see some muscle definition. I know I am strong & I know I have some really nice definition in certain areas. But I want the body of my dreams. And, so, wish me luck. I don't have to look like Vin Diesel (and really, I hope I never do), but everyone should be happy with what they see. And if they aren't, only YOU can change it.

Another blog brought to by my stupid control issues. Snort.

Enjoy the Silence

Freeeeeeeeeeeeeedom!

All four kids are in school. I'm so lucky our school has full day Kindergarten. So, I won't have any company until 3:30pm. I just went to the gym in peace. And now I'm having my mid-morning snack contemplating which room I'm gonna clean first.

Yep.

This is my life.

Oh & here is a picture of my darlings waiting for the bus, which I promptly followed to the school. Hearts everywhere...

Baby, things change.

I have used this song as a reference before.

Anyways, here we go again with change. My blogs are few & far between lately & it isn't because I don't have time. I do. It's because when your life is as peaceful as mine is right now, there really isn't anything dramatic enough to write about. Finally, after what feels like an eternity in an uncertain place in life, I am starting to figure out where I am, why I am here & where I am going.

I am in a secure relationship with J simply because I love him & all of his imperfections. And he loves me & all of mine. We have made such big strides in our relationship over the past few months realizing that we both want the same things & we have been experiencing them together. I have never been happier with "us" than I am right now.

The "why" factor is harder. Obviously, I am here because of love, but love isn't the super glue of relationships. It isn't enough to hold two people together, unfortunately. And, that's a lesson I've learned time & time again. So, obviously, I'm now figuring out that you have to give more than love to make a relationship work. Ding, ding, ding! Love should never be hard to give, either. It's the patience, acceptance & compromises that are hard to give. Love is easy, peasy, lemon squeezy!

As to where I am going, well it cannot be answered that simply. I still have a few missing pieces. Since I took a leave of absence from work in June I have not been working. And, in turn, I have had more time for the kids, the house & for J. I'm happy with it, but still trying to figure out if this decision is permanent. J has expressed that he would like for me to stay home, but I have always had this constant NEED to be this independent woman. It's because I always have been. However, I feel like home is where I NEED to be even more strongly than my NEED to be the independent woman. In the meantime, the world is my oyster. I can substitute teach. I can get a work from home job. I can take pottery classes. I can be a room mother in the children's classes. Fuck, I could be PTA president. (This paragraph brought to you by the word NEED!)

Out of the mouths of babes.

Thing 1 & Thing 2 are upstairs with Toothless. (boy next door)

I hear this...


Thing 2 - "When you get older you get hair on your butt."

Toothless - "My Uncle Chris has hair on his butt."

Snort.

Honey, I'm home.

Yep, after a week of traveling we have made it back to Northern, VA. We left last Monday at 11:30am. We were supposed to leave at 9am. Needless to say I was pissy. At J. For having to work. Snort.

Eleven hours later we end up in Lexington, KY at a resort that is actually quite nice. We eat dinner at midnight. Then crash. My Nana was very glad to see us & in fact, I slept in her room. (Because J & I aren't married...)

The next day we woke up late & lounged by the pool. J & I drank frosty beverages at the bar & just relaxed. Then we took Nana to dinner at the Olive Garden (her favorite) & put the kids to bed for a CRAZY night at the hotel bar. Bourbon flights, included.

Hungover like shit we get up & drive to Nashville, TN with our children. That was only a 4 hour trip. We get there in time for drinks & then Uncle B & Aunt N take us to putt putt golf/go cart racing. Then on to an awesome Mexican dinner complete with Sangria. A couple bottles of wine later we hit the hay...

Then we drive 2 more hours the next day to PARADISE. They have a lake house in Waverly, TN. It's up on a mountain that overlooks the amazing scenery. We were in heaven! We did fishing, tubing, 4 wheelings, shot guns, swam & drank our asses off... I've never been more exhausted OR had a better trip. The kids were great!

We left on Saturday & headed back to VA. Saturday night we stopped in Morristown, TN. We slept & then finished our drive at 8 hours back to Reston. We got home last night around 8pm.

Needless to say we are still exhausted, but in a good "warm fuzzy" kind of way.

Sigh.

I want to go back.

Random daily thought

First of all, I had way too much fun last night. A hotel, two interesting cab rides, two lounges & two clubs, way too much liquor & I'm surprised I'm still alive. By the way, my friends think I'm more fun on liquor. No wine for me last night. Well, until the VERY end of the night. Snort snort!

Seriously, we were out with some friends who happen to be another couple. We were talking about facebook. I am absolutely addicted & even look at it from my Blackberry. All.the.time. Interestingly enough, they made a pact to not use facebook. (or myspace, etc) Evidently there is a statistic that states it is the cause of a lot of break ups in relationships.

I think I'm going to look that up. And then, I may have to delete my facebook account.

What on Earth will I do next?

I want to blog...

And, I've tried a few times to start something, but the three screaming girls upstairs distract me.

So, I have to get to the grocery store for fruit to go in my Trashcan punch that I am serving up at J's sister's wedding tomorrow. We're leaving today for La Plata, MD for 2 days, then J & I are meeting some friends up in Annapolis Sat/Sunday & then Monday we're leaving for Kentucky & Tennessee.

I'll blog soon. Promise.

FINALLY!

I strapped on a set & mentioned the word "dissolution" to the ex. In VA you have to be separated for a year when you have children. We've been separated for a year & a half now & living separately for over a year.

So.

It has to be done.

Goodbye health benefits & hello real world.

Scary.

Important lessons learned so far this month...

1. Don't flip out when your child cuts her own hair. Even if she does it at her dad's house & no one notices for 2 days. It's just hair. And, the child wanted bangs. She now think she looks like Dora. Thing 1 & 2 no longer have the same hair cut & it will be okay. When Thing 2 asked tonight if they were still sisters I laughed... Give them some space to become their own people, but never leave scissors in reach of a couple of precocious 5 1/2 year olds.

2. Eat a donut from time to time. Or a slice of cheesecake. I avoid these two foods like the plague. I eat maybe one donut a year, if that. And cheesecake is an annual event & most usually is consumed only on my birthday. If it's a glazed Krispy Kreme you want, indulge. Just don't over do it...

3. Tying in to #2, don't always count every calorie you consume or every calorie you burn. It's exhausting & dammit, I do it way too often. I went downstairs for a handful of cheeze-its & the Boy asked, "Do you really count out your crackers?" Yes, I do. I am that girl. Para.

4. Learn to let go. Having insane control issues only gives you a headache. There is no need to control EVERY.SINGLE.THING. Sometimes this lesson is far easier to type than to learn. Seriously. I am a control freak people!

5. Expect the worst & hope for the best. It's all you can really do.

6. Cherish your adult time. I say this as a newly (again) Stay at Home Mom. I don't get much adult interaction on a daily basis & I find that it is becoming a huge issue for me. Find ways to get out. I am faithful to my gym because I'm grateful for the sea of sweating adults I find inside. I am also enjoying the grocery store, pool & sometimes the mall. Spark up a conversation with a complete stranger & may he be cute. Ha ha!

7. Don't be such a bitch. Enough said.

8. Make time for your friends. There truly are people who want to spend time with you. Sometimes you just have to drive farther than 10 minutes to see them.

9. Getting a pedicure instantly makes you feel prettier. If you don't believe me, try it.

10. Don't ever shave your bikini area with a dull razor. Yes, I know this isn't exactly a "new" lesson, but those bumps hurt. And are a tad unsightly.

August isn't even halfway over, yet!

Random Friday thoughts

1. I went out to lunch today & left the house with two candles burning & the iron on. (iron was from J) My house didn't burn down. Whew.

2. TGIF. Seriously.

3. I went to the gym 4 times this week. I'm proud of that.

4. I am finally a Blackberry person. Snort. I love it.

5. J referred to me as a Stay at Home Mom to someone. It was strangely weird.

6. Wedding date has been set. Finally.

7. I need highlights. Badly.

8. The maid is back! I guess that means the economy is better.

9. I cut my foot in Target the other day on glass when a jar of Ragu jumped out of my cart. Three of my four kids started crying.

10. If you can't be good, be good at it!

Have a great weekend!

Song of the day

Baaaaaaa baaaaaaa baaaaaa I'm a sheep!

Last night we went out to dinner for J's brother's birthday. It was me, J, brother, his wife & our next door neighbors. We went to eat at Texas de Brazil which is a South American steakhouse type place. (think all you can eat meat) For 44 dollars a person you can eat until you puke.

It's actually quite good.

And, J & I were drinking wine. What's a birthday celebration without a bottle of wine & some creme brulee? Comment cards. They complete any fabulous birthday dinner. Snort.

Our server was fabulous & charged us an 18 percent gratuity. He made bank that night! Anyways, he passed out these comment cards to us to fill out at the end of the meal & since we had all been drinking we obliged. Naturally, I was feeling spontaneously quirky so I wrote:

NORM MAYNARD IS MY DAD on my comment card. And actually, he is my dad. And, he is a construction manager for this restaurant chain. And, I thought I was being funny. He doesn't even live in Northern VA. He lives in Texas.

It was all snickers & snorts until I got an email from my dad this morning. The general manager of the restaurant scanned my comment card & sent my dad an email saying he didn't know I was coming in, but wanted him to know that I was there.

My dad forwarded this to me saying next time I got there to call this GM of the restaurant & he'll take care of me.

Say hello to my little friend

Almost 9 months later, I got my Coach purse. And I love it.

And as a consolation prize, I got the matching wallet, too.

Happy Obama Day to me!

Dreams

I often dream J is cheating on me. Often = at least once a week.

Sigh

To dream that your mate, spouse, or significant other is cheating on you, indicates your fears of being abandoned. You may feel a lack of attention in the relationship. Alternatively, you may feel that you are not measuring up to the expectations of others. This notion may stem from issues of trust or self-esteem. The dream could also indicate that you are unconsciously picking up hints and cues that your significant other is not being completely truth or is not fully committed in the relationship.

From dreammoods.com

What triggers the cheating spouse dreams?

1. There might be something playing in your subconscious mind regarding your relationship with your partner, which you are consciously not ready to acknowledge.
2. Sometimes a sudden change in accessories that your partner uses like perfume, clothing, his / her interest in keeping themselves fit can also trigger a doubt.
3. A kind of insecurity or a guilt feeling regarding any aspect of your life.
4. Anxiousness about your own self, your appearance, your looks your future with your partner.
5. If you have cheated on any of your relationships.
6. If you have been dishonest with someone.
7. Fear of failure in a particular assignment or project or a test.
8. If you have been abandoned or mistreated by someone during your childhood.
9. IF your partner is spending too much time on other things like work, friends etc. and you feel lonely and jealous.
10. If you find yourself cheating on your partner in your dream, then there may be something that you have done that is making you feel guilty. This would perhaps mean that you are not giving your spouse the necessary attention.

From dreaminterpretations.us

Essentially, I have trust issues. No.fucking.shit.

Sigh.

It's 9:28pm. Do you know where your kids are?

Happy Birthday Toothless! He's 7, today. He is awesomely sweet & lives next door. In true celebratory fashion he wanted a sleep-over & tonight, he gets it. At my house...

Thing 1, Thing 2 & Lavagirl are beside themselves. They are all upstairs watching Shrek as I sip my glass of wine & smoke my cigarette out on the front steps. J'Michael is feeling rough so he's asleep. The Boy is next door with Ka-leeb hanging out until he gets kicked out. And, even though Lavagirl has to brave the bus at 7:30am for her summer school studies I am still not veto-ing a sleep-over. In fact, she's supposed to be at her mom's tonight, but you know what? Summer only comes once a damn year.

Call me a bad mom or call me the best, but my kids are happy. And even if I have to chaperone this one solo, I'm okay. These children have earned their night of fun... even though they drove me batshit crazy in Target earlier today.

I love.my.life dot com.

Some of my favorite summer shots, so far.

It's the little things

Thing 1 & Thing 2 are at their dad's house for 2 days this week. Lavagirl is in summer school. The boy sleeps late.

I woke up at 9am, got dressed, grabbed an apple & headed to Pilates. When I was finished I still had an hour before I had to grab Lavagirl off the bus. I went to a shopping center where I proceeded to hit up Starbucks for my skinny vanilla latte. Then I walked over to Michael's with the kids in mind. I purchased molding clay, sidewalk chalk, jump ropes & a puzzle for Lavagirl to help with her letters.

Then it was me time. I walked to Whole Foods - the most beautiful grocery store in the world. How can a grocery store be beautiful? Let me tell you. I walk in past the fresh basil plants & inhale the heavenly aroma. Then I walk through the luscious produce past the gourmet cheeses & then on to the delicious olive bar. I stopped to pick up some Tzatziki sauce. This is the only store I know that I can purchase the sauce instead of making it & it's just as good as any Greek restaurant. I wandered through the snack section looking for a low-calorie option to go with my Tzatziki. Yes, I am that girl. Finally I pick up some Wasa bread crisps & my favorite, almond butter. I did manage to find some low-calorie mini whole wheat pita loaves for my Tzatziki! I left the store wandering through the baked good aisle eye balling the chocolate 2-bite macaroons.

I was at the bus top at 11:30 to pick up Lavagirl feeling refreshed &, well, hungry.

OMG!?

Are the days getting longer!?

Wugh.

I will not beat the children.
I will not beat the children.
I will not beat the children.

Snort.

For once, it's not about me.

I woke up this morning to a series of frantic text messages from someone very close to me. She's pregnant. She has children. She is a single mother. She doesn't want another baby. She has no money for an abortion. She does not want to tell the man because he'll want to keep the baby.

This is emotional for me, because I've been there. This situation is the "OH SHITS" of "OH SHITS"! And perhaps my circumstances were somewhat different, but that doesn't matter. As a woman, this is one of the loneliest places you could ever be. And, I hate it for her.

Sigh.

Song of the day

From single mom to stay at home mom

I haven't done the stay at home mom thing since my girls were 2. And, here I am spending my summer with 4 of the most insane children.

I have Thing 1. She's really sweet, cuddly & pretty laid back... until you piss her off. Watch out! She will give you her angry face & trust me, you won't like it. Most of the time she's happy go lucky & a lot of fun to snuggle.

Then there is Thing 2. She's really sweet, cuddly & not so much laid back. She's more like the little boss. Miss Priss. Prima Ballerina. Diva. You get the idea. She's very manipulative when she wants to be, but so beautiful that you can't help but fall in to her trap.

Next comes Lavagirl who is a lot like Thing 2 minus the cuddly part. She whines. A lot. I'm not sure if it's a phase or what, but it's going to be a long summer to go with her lengthy syllables. Dad becomes Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-aaaaaaaaaaad. You get the idea.

Thing 2 & Lavagirl butt heads often & Lavagirl & Thing 1 leave Thing 2 out on a regular basis. The power of 3. Snort.

Then is the Boy. He's harmless enough until he doesn't get his way. Then welcome to your own private pout party until he does! Please note he doesn't like to help with the girls unless he's getting paid, but I'm not really sure I blame him.

Those are my kids. Now moving on to my extras -

Toothless. He's almost 7, lives next door & has all 3 of the girls fighting for his affection. One minute he's Thing 1's boyfriend & the next he's Lavagirl's boyfriend. Thing 2 is too much of a diva to care about that, but they all love him & he loves to sleep over.

Ka-leeb. He's 14, the Boy's bestie & grounded for most of the summer for doing something very foolish at school that landed him suspension & possible expulsion. He is the older brother of Toothless. He's not a bad kid... in fact he's a very sweet kid. He's good with the girls, he takes my trash out & sometimes he does my dishes. More than once I've wished he was mine & then I'm reminded about the possible expulsion.

Now, I'm off to fold laundry & pack for our weekend trip to the lake. Bye bye now!

After pouring my heart out to my blog last night...

I was laying in bed & J was already asleep when I was writing last night. I finished writing & sat there thinking to myself, "My life is so fucked up!"

J woke up at the perfect time. He sat up & listened to me go on about all of the bad things going on in my life right now. And he was tired! And his solution?

Focus on the good. Focus on the good. Stop dwelling on the bad.

Maybe I'll try that.



"Stop pressuring me
Just stop pressuring me
Stop fuckin' with me
Make me wanna scream"

It's been awhile.

I have a ton of things to update.

1. My boss isn't letting my quit my job. I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I did take two weeks off & I still have another week at home with the kids.

2. My 32nd birthday was yesterday. John took me to Texas to celebrate. My sister left me at an Astros game because she was upset our seats weren't next to each other. I came to Texas for my birthday SPECIFICALLY to see the Astros game. Twenty minutes into the game my sister wanted to leave. She couldn't sit down & have fun for 2 1/2 hours on my birthday. There were open seats all near us & I invited her to our section about 3 or 4 times. John even waited at the top of our section for 30 minutes to give her her keys so she could leave & she never came. Needless to say, throughout all the drama via text messages I didn't get to watch ANY of the game. I'm disappointed & not really sure where to go from here. After the game we did go out with my cousin, Texas Kate & her boyfriend & we had a blast. So, at least my night wasn't completely ruined.

3. Aside from my sister's behavior pre-birthday, my actual birthday was great. I swam at my Aunt's house during the day & my cousin, Cannon Rebel, had a little party for me at her house that evening. I love my cousins. They are pretty freaking awesome! Even Leo the 3rd... who I adore even if he annoys the rest of the family. At 16 he constantly finds himself at the wrong place at the wrong time thus landing him in a world of shit. Well, the solution? I think he's going to come stay with us for a few weeks & work for John.

4. John & I met a year ago today.

5. Last week I got an email from John's email account that was very troubling.

beatty_john0930@yahoo.com password: marie5303

I'm so sorry for doing this to you and mostly for the kids but john is a liar and always will be.

--- On Thu, 2/19/09, Lola wrote:


From: Lola
Subject: Re: Fw: hi back..... wow look at the date on this!!
To: beatty_john0930@yahoo.com
Date: Thursday, February 19, 2009, 4:02 PM

Just think, our 1 year anniversary will be here before we know it!

<3
Love you

--- On Thu, 2/19/09, J'Michael wrote:


From: J'Michael
Subject: Fw: hi back..... wow look at the date on this!!
To: lolastarrx@yahoo.com
Date: Thursday, February 19, 2009, 1:31 PM

Just going through all of our old emails as I am bored. Look at the date, the 7th of July, like a week after meeting you and we are talking like we have known each other for years> I love you, Mrs. Beatty Jr.
-CM

--- On Mon, 7/7/08, Lola Starr wrote:

From: Lola Starr
Subject: hi back
To: beatty_john0930@yahoo.com
Date: Monday, July 7, 2008, 10:55 AM

My personal email is meagsx@yahoo.com. I do have YIM, but I haven't used it in ever!

No to lunch today. I'm about to go to my credit union & then run to Fairfax to drop off a lock box & then I have a team meeting over lunch today. We never really plan anything in advance. haha!

M

I get that this probably makes no sense copy & pasted from my email. J claims someone broke in to his email & he hasn't used that one in months. Which, is true - he hasn't. However, what could he be lying about? He was in Charleston, SC the night I got this & I called him about it. I was so upset I was shaking. He swears he is hiding nothing & he isn't cheating. (honestly, when would he have time to have another girlfriend??) It's just weird. I've never had any of this type of drama & J blew this off after being upset about it that first night. He has no clue who would hate him so much, but he is convinced someone is trying to ruin his life. Drama Queen, much? The odd thing about this email is that the person wrote that J was a liar & then copy & pasted a few emails that we had exchanged over the past year. They timed it perfectly for our one year anniversary.

Anyways, he may have forgotten about this, but I have not. I traced the ip back to Springfield, VA which could be ANYONE. He doesn't think it's his ex-wife or his ex-girlfriend with Aunt Helen hands. He says one girl did this to him before when he was with Aunt Helen hands about 2 years ago. Would this same girl really hack in to his personal email & try to ruin his life? I don't know.

Wugh.

But just so you know the password to that email is not correct so I couldn't get in to it & read anything. And, I'm grateful for that.

6. J's Granddad was hit by a car a week ago walking across a parking lot. He almost died. And J flew to Charleston to see him. Thankfully, the latest update is that he's doing better, but with 9 broken ribs, broken collar bone, bruised heart & brain bleed - he'll be out of commission for quite some time. Remind me to send a card.

7. J & I only fought one time in Texas & that was the day we left. In the DFW airport waiting for our connection flight I told him he ruined my birthday. He told me I ruined his life. Well, my sister ended up ruining my birthday & maybe I have ruined J's life. Who knows?

8. I am certain that Katy, TX is the hottest mutha-fuckin' place on Earth. We swam outside in a pool that felt like swimming in a hot bath. So glad to be home where it's only 90 & low humidity.

9. I'm really upset I didn't get to see my brother. And, I hate my dad for being a dick. I told J that when I was younger I used to wish that it was my dad who would have died instead of my mom. I know, that's shitty, but I am afraid I still feel that way. And, that scares me.

10. Omar's Mexican restaurant has not changed. It is still AMAZING & between that, Sonic, Jack in the Box & all the other crap I ate I have gained about 4lbs. Oh well, I'll work out this week.

11. I saw a dear friend last week that I have lost touched with over the last few months. I have missed her & her gentle soul & was glad that I made the trip out to L'burg to visit with her. I hope when she reads this she will know that I am sorry for not keeping in touch & I know that she understands. However, I promise to try harder!

12. I started traveling at 3:30am this morning. When I got home I took a 5 hour nap & have yet to unpack. Tomorrow will be busy & tonight I can't sleep.

13. Rest in peace, Michael Jackson. He was a musical genius & his music brings back great childhood memories for me.

That's all for now. Hopefully this week will be drama free. We're leaving for the lake on Thursday for a weekend with our children & I'm so grateful for that.

The first step in turning this ship around.

I quit my job today. I have had enough of being somebody's bitch.

I learned a valuable lesson today. Sometimes you give & you do & you think that in the end you'll get something in return. And, sadly, you find out that you never will.

I've learned this lesson half a dozen times in my life, but this one was significantly different. On my way to the office this morning I was on the phone with J. We were pouring our hearts out to each other. His Grandfather was hit by a truck yesterday & not doing well. He's stressed. I'm stressed. We were attempting to work through an issue. Hurricane D called me twice while I was on the phone. I finally called her back.

She immediately went off on me. I calmly told her (through my tears) that today was not a good day for the attitude because of the situation. She didn't bother to ask if J's Grandfather was okay before she asked me to jump again. And, as usual, I asked, "how high?"

Well, the hours go by & I'm already worn out. I knew I couldn't take her today. I asked her to let me be. I have two listings I'm trying to get on the market. I've not been paid in months. I'm busting my ASS & juggling a 6 person household. It's fucking tough.

She called. She got mad. She told me she was disappointed in what I had done (after giving me random stuff to do & saying I wasn't that busy). She hung up on me.

I cried. A lot.

I wrote her an email telling her I would see my two listings through FROM HOME THIS SUMMER & phase myself out.

Step one to self happiness.

I'm not really sure what I'm going to do or where I'm going to work or even if I am, but I know that I have a good man standing beside me through this & really, that's what counts.

How many of you are surprised by this?

lifesucksdotcom

That's the new banner on my cell phone.

I need therapy, an intervention, a drink & a shoulder to cry on.

This emo shit is for the birds.

Good day, sunshine.

In two weeks I am Houston bound! Yep, that's right.

Every year I see the Astros play even though I'm in DC. This year we missed the Astros game due to the weather & they aren't coming back to this area again this season.

So.

He's taking me to Texas for my birthday to see my boys!

I am so freaking excited!

SOTD x 2

"Wh-wh-why won’t the world revolve around me?"



"I feel stressed out
I wanna let it go
Lets go way out spaced out
and loosing all control"

The beauty of family.

Sigh.

I'm stuck at a crossroad. If I stay on my current path I am not sure how much longer I can go on until I crack. If I take the new path I'm back to where I started only instead of starting in square 1, I'm starting in square -34.

Sigh.

Double sigh.

I wish I could go through life with a broken heart immunity. Wouldn't that be nice?

Lola's thought for the day.

Make time for those important to you. "I'm busy" is never a good excuse.

Carry on.

Great news!

Lab results came back normal.

Oh thank goodness...

Not sure what this means except I won't need a lifetime supply of steroids. My follow up is next week so I'll let you know!

A hole lotta love

I'm sitting here enjoying my quiet office all to myself eating my yummy pasta lunch when all of a sudden I feel something.

Say it ain't so.

Para.

I have a huge hole in my favorite Lucky jeans & my hot pink panties are showing.

Looks like I'll be leaving soon.

Snort.

Suddenly, it's not funny anymore.

I woke up with a very swollen & inflamed ankle. I called the doctor. I've now had blood tests done for autoimmune disorders - specifically Lupus & Rheumatoid Arthritis. And Lyme. (2nd time being tested for that)

I'm not laughing. I'm a little scared, honestly.

I'll have my test results on Friday, I hope.

Knee bangs, knee bangs

Four days after my accident my knees both are swollen & killing me. It hurts to bend my knees. I am walking funny. I feel like I've run 89 miles on uneven pavement in 4 year old running shoes.

Wahhh.

Chest wall contusion, anyone?

Drinking with your friends is all fun & games until you bruise your ribcage.

Hottie #2, her flavor of the week, Meesh (my awesome next door neighbor), J & I went to the Herndon festival last night to see the Legwarmers. They are an awesome 80's cover band. We were double fisting Shock Top having the time of our lives. When they were done we went across the street to Jimmy's Tavern. It's unusual for Meesh & I to get to go out on a weeknight due to kiddos & such so we weren't going to half ass this night.

We decide to do Irish car bombs in honor of Meesh, who is proudly half Irish.

And wouldn't you know Jimmy's was having 80's night? So, after a few hours of drinking & dancing, flirting with boys, flirting with girls, more drinking & more dancing I get knocked down by the Flavor. I'm not quite sure how it happened, but I landed wrong & in one fail swoop the bouncer & the boys helped me up off the bar floor. Very embarrassing.

I continue with my night. It was a riot. I love my friends.

I woke up this morning with an ugly bruise on my thigh & a sharp pain on my side that feels like I'm being stabbed each time I take a deep breath. At first I thought I was just hungover, but after reaching for my laptop & screaming as I turned the wrong way I decided I probably needed to go the ER.

What do you say when you go the ER after a drinking injury? Too mortified to tell the truth I concocted a story about falling down the stairs. Snort.

One x-ray, urine sample & prescription for Vicodin later, I am resting at home.

Another wild night.

In an effort to show my cousin from Texas a great DC time, we enlisted in the help of our friends - Hottie #1 & Weiner. Every time we hang with them we just get stupid. Saturday night was no different.

We met the usual suspects in Georgetown. Weiner had docked his boat & was having a vicious crazy boat party. Hottie #1 had mentioned these to me before, but we had never been able to make it out. Now, I can see why they do this often.

First of all, blame it on the vodka. Para.

Second of all, J & I are nuts. And she was hot.

Third of all, well, cousin from Texas is a badass & that's all there is to it. All you have to do is scream, "Drink it like you're from Texas!" & she'll chug that bottle of vodka.

No Meg Stands that night, but plenty of good times & a lot less physical injuries. I actually stood on Mya's boat.



Too bad she had already left with Jordin Sparks.

Snort.

My life is insane & I'm insane because of it!

American Idol Bust

I am definitely an Adam fan. My entire family grew to love & appreciate Adam's sense of style... musically & otherwise.

Adam didn't win American Idol last night, but that's okay. That's not the big disappointment. He WILL be famous. Absolutely.

ADAM IS GAY!

Gay. Yes, gay.

Cry.

Sniff.

Pout.

I normally don't have a problem with a person's sexuality, but I have a big problem here. If Adam is gay then I have a zero chance in hell at scoring with him & let's just be honest... if he moves his hips that well on stage can you imagine how good he is off stage?

Sometimes life isn't fair.

But, rock on Adam! I usually have amazing gaydar, but for once I didn't see this & maybe it's because of my Adam fantasies. Now that I'm looking back on old interviews & shows I can TOTALLY see the gayness pouring out from under his black eyeliner.

Life Less Ordinary

Thoughtful Tuesday.

My friend, MJ, called me this morning. We don't talk very often anymore. She's a busy nursing student & I'm a busy, whatever I am. So, it was nice to chat this morning while we were both driving to work. She mentioned she caught up on my blog & wanted to make sure I was okay.

I assured her that I was okay.

So, I figured I should write something a little more positive so that I don't seem like some big, ol' Debbie Downer.

J'Michael (J's new name) is starting a new company. He's going through a lot & I'm not making his life any easier. So, I'd just like to tell the world (or 4 people that will read this blog) how proud I am of him. I know dissolving one company & starting a new one has been mentally draining, but he still comes home every day with a smile on his face. Well, a half smile. Okay, well at least he isn't screaming. Snort.

And here we are almost one whole year in to this tumultuous relationship & some days I'm in awe that we've made it this far. We've had more ups & downs than a roller coaster, but I wouldn't trade it in for the world. The day we sat in the back of his Tahoe with the children watching the fireworks & he brushed his hand on my leg, twice, I was pretty sure this was going somewhere. And, it did. And, it continues to go somewhere every day even if some days it seems like it's going to hell. Snort.

That was a joke.

So, to my darling... because cheese is good.

It's just another manic monday.

I did, however, get up & go to the gym. It was awesome. And I feel good because of it... even if I didn't get to the office until 11:30am.

We had a low-key weekend. Well, up until Sunday. It was the Spring Festival & our team had a table. My boss & I got in to a huge fight & for about 30 minutes I was sure I was quitting. I'm not making any money anyways. What would it matter? We smoothed things over, but I am really starting to think that I'm not in the right place. I know I'm in the right career. I love real estate. I just can't survive on not making any money at all. I DID pick up a 750,000 listing that I'm really happy about, but if it doesn't sell then I don't make squat.

So, I can't put all my eggs in that basket.

J & I are fighting a lot again lately. He swears it is all career related, but I'm not so sure. We usually have the same fights, repeatedly. It's nice to not come up with new shit to argue about because we make the old fights REALLY DRAMATIC. Seriously. Roll eyes...

There was a time in my life where I'd pack it all up & just leave, but I can't do that. And I don't want to do that... most days. Para. I do want to get to a better place. A happier place. A more stable, solid place. And, it is going to have to start with me.

I feel like a stale bag of Fritos.

Nothing tastes worse than stale Fritos.

I feel like the carbonation has been sucked from my Diet Dr. Pepper bottle leaving me with a flat, brown liquid that tastes almost like stale Fritos.

In other words, life's a little bland right now. I'm not in a bad mood, but I'm not in a great mood, either. Something is going on, but I can't quite place my finger on it just yet. But, my Jedi powers tell me that this is just the calm before the storm.

I just hope it isn't a shit storm.

All my exes live in Texas

No, that's not true. But, sometimes I wish.

But, have you ever had a blast from your past just attempt to get in touch with you from out of the blue?

It's always awkward when that happens.

Dear Ex,

I'm happy, healthy & sexually satisfied. What else is there left to say?

Regards,
Lola

Happy Mother's Day

I have a love/hate relationship with this day. I love being a mother. But, having lost my own mother 10 years ago this day brings back some painful memories. It gets easier as the years go on & this year is no exception.

I'm now a mom x 4 & all the kids are home today. I am enjoying all the craziness that is my life & knowing that I wouldn't trade it for the world.

So, Happy Mother's Day to everyone! I hope you are as richly blessed as I!

And I love these guys.

The one on the left is my man. The one on the right was just happy to see me all day. Double freaking snort.

Here's to the night...

No explanations needed. I love my friends.

The joys of facebook

Somehow these pictures ended up on someone's facebook that I don't even remember meeting.

MEG STAND!

Saturday May 2nd

8:30am - wake up hungover from drinking 2 bottles of cheap wine with my next door neighbor.

8:45am - take advil. It's going to be a long day.

9:00am - get ready for Gold Cup. (all day drinking fest - I mean horse race)

10:30am - arrive at Weiner's house. Everyone is already drinking. I just want coffee so I decline.

11:00am - we leave for Gold Cup. Hottie #2 nibbles on my shoulder in the back seat. I liked it. A lot.

11:45am - pick up Weiner's boss' Au Pair. She's 19, from France & just arrived in the states yesterday. This is fun.

12:30pm - I'm sitting bitch in my own car. It's not comfortable. J is lost. We are all hungry, thirsty & ready to party like rock stars.

1:00pm - Arrive at Gold Cup. Admire the attire. Walk half a mile to our tent.

1:15pm - Jungle juice, trash can punch, kool aid & everclear punch is served.

1:17pm - I decide to eat a little something before this punch gets to me.

1:19pm - Drink more punch.

2:00pm - People are loosening up a little. Big Boobs stalks me. Her tits are the biggest ones I've ever seen. I can't stop staring. She's so annoying & tells me that the punch is good, but will turn your lips orange. She offers to check on me from time to time to ensure my lips stay perfect. I accept.

2:15pm - Horse betting is going on. Do people really come to Gold Cup to watch horses?

2:30pm - Hottie #1 decides we are doing shots. J looks at me like I'm crazy. I don't care. To the bar we go.

2:45pm - There is a ton of alcohol & we are still deciding what to shoot. We do vodka with lemons. I am playing bartender.

2:46pm - Hottie #1 thinks we should do another. I oblige.

2:49pm - Hottie #1 finds a bottle of jager, but no red bull. Sorry!

3:00pm - 4:00pm

This one is a time block. Hottie #1, Hottie #2, me, Denver & Richie Rich get stupid. We are taking turns concocting shots made with probably more liquor than I've ever had at one time. I decide I love the Gold Cup. Big Boobs crazy girl keeps stalking me. No, I don't want to friend you on facebook. I'm busy. Denver makes the most incredible shot. It has coconut rum in it & goes down smooth. The girls all decide to go to the Port-a Potty.

"It smells good in here!" - Hottie #1

We walk back to our tent & something crashes. I thought it was Richie Rich for sure. It was not. So we go back to the "bar" & drink Richie's shots. At this point I am hammered.

4:00pm - J & I leave. Booooooooooo. But we have a benefit dinner that evening & need to change. We take 3 drunk people in our car that we don't know, but are friends of Hottie #1 & Weiner. We get 2 miles down the road & Ugly Dress Girl has to throw up.

4:15pm - still waiting for her to puke. Her friend gets out to hold her hair. Her friend's meat head of a boyfriend sits in my car with a bored look on his face.

4:18pm - here comes a cop. Nice.

4:25pm - J passes his sobriety test & we keep going. They want a ride to Ashburn.

5:30pm - We finally get them home. They were annoying. Stupid drunk people.

6:00pm - We get home, changed & on to our next event.

6:45pm - We arrive at the benefit dinner. I have 3 glasses of wine before dinner. J's slamming vodka & tonic. He swears he isn't drunk, yet. Whatever. He always does that!

6:46pm - Hottie #2 starts texting. Drama is going down.

7:00pm - Thank god for cheese cubes.

7:10pm - We talk to Hottie #2 to get the scoop. It's not looking good & she can't find her keys.

7:30pm - Dinner is served, we are drunk & we are sitting with a bunch of people we don't know. I am trying not to act drunk.

8:00pm - I make a comment about how lobster is so fun to eat around people you don't know. I make it through my lobster & eat part of J's. It was delicious & I'm grateful that I did not spill anything.

8:30pm - Still trying to figure out the drama as our phones blow up during dinner. I am not convinced that I have Hottie #2's keys in my car. We decide to leave soon.

9:00pm - We make an early exit & head back to Weiner's house.

9:15pm - I decide to distract the driver, but was shot down. Oh well.

9:30pm - Arrive at Weiner's house. The keys are in my car & Hottie #2 goes home.

9:34pm - I get their version of the drama. I decide to just drink heavily.

10:00pm - We go outside to do keg stands. Seriously.

10:10pm - I complete my first keg stand of the night. My dress doesn't go up over my waist & I'm glad about that.

10:15pm - We do another. This time our audience has grown as everyone starts to come outside to see our keg stands. I pose for every picture. I am drinking red bull & vodka & beer. Richie Rich passes out shots.

10:30pm - I do another keg stand. As I am going back down my hands slip off the keg & I see myself falling head first to the pavement. An angel saves me before I face plant & I only end up with minor injuries.

10:34pm - I have a strange red line on my arm from my fall. I look like I injected heroin.

10:34pm - midnight

Another time block, albeit, I do not remember much. At this point I've had more to drink that I have since I was 23. The neighbors are complaining. I am getting loud & obnoxious. I decide I like Richie Rich, but wish Denver hadn't passed out. Hottie #1 decides to go to bed, but we see her boobs first. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!

9:50am the next morning - I'm sitting here with a very sore arm & a strange red line down it. I'm not really hungover, just tired. I can't sleep because every time I close my eyes I see myself going head first to the pavement after my infamous "Meg Stand" & it really scares me. I'm going to have to retire the Meg Stand. I am too old to drink upside down.

Oh my gosh!

I'm a squash!

Just trying to divert my anger with a little squash humor.

Ms. Starr goes to Washington

That's right. I went in the 90 degree April heat with a bunch of insane 5th graders on a bus with no air conditioning.

A few weeks ago the Boy asked me if I wanted to accompany him on his field trip. At first I was over the moon because I thought he asked me first. However, he did not. He did invite his dad first. (which I quickly got over) He may have asked his mother for all I know, but her work schedule is not as flexible as mine. So, I win. I get to go. Wooo hoooo.

The trip was to the Smithsonian Natural History museum. I was excited because I had never seen the Hope diamond. AND, they have a really neat exhibit on forensics. They even have skeletal remains of fetuses, which is very disturbing. However, very interesting...

So, I get to the school & start hanging out with another mom. I'm obviously younger than all of the moms & it's a little awkward. I was only 20 when the Boy was born. Para. This mom was cool & she was actually the mom of one of the Boy's friends. So, we're chatting & she asks how long we had been married. Well, duh, we're not married, but the Boy refers to me as his step mother anyways. I hated having to explain my life to a complete stranger, but she kept asking me questions. Wugh.

Then, I meet the Boy's teacher who is young, cute & pregnant with TWINS! I give her my brief spiel about how awesome it is to have twins & that after the first year she will get to sleep a little bit. Snort.

I get on the bus & the Boy wants me to sit with him. I was surprised, but it was nice. So on this bus we are surrounded by obnoxious 10 & 11 year old boys. They were noisy, annoying & rambunctious. I sat there quietly thanking the Gods that my "son" was well-behaved.

We get there & I am in charge of a group of 4. One boy keeps calling the Boy the spoiled rich kid who only cares about skateboarding. I think he was being affectionate, but can't say for certain. We are not rich, for sure! And, well, the rest is probably true. Snort. Then I had the girl who thought it was cool to say shit in front of me. And another girl who was desperately trying to get out of my group & in to the group with her BFF. Ah, to be 11!

I bought my group candy from the gift shop only to be outdone by another mom who bought her group ice cream. WTH?

An hour & a half later we had seen all the exhibits we wanted & it was time for lunch outside on the curb in the hot sun. Oh the joy. Why did I wear jeans?

We got home & I was exhausted.

In fact, I'm still tired. But, I had a great time & I know the Boy was grateful that I was on my best "cool mom" behavior.

Until next time.

What's going on this week?

1. Kindergarten registration. It's official. I have moved to Reston.

2. I emailed my dad today. It's weird. Really weird.

3. I'm really stressed about money. I work really hard & haven't made squat.

4. I need new tennis shoes. Desperately.

5. I need a lot of other things, too, but sometimes you just can't financially swing it.

6. I have a busy weekend planned & it's only Monday.

7. The kid's birthdays are done for a while. Whew.

8. My birthday is in exactly 2 months.

9. I have wasted enough time. Back to work.

Interesting thoughts for the day.

We've all made mistakes. No one is perfect, right?

Do you ever feel that by sharing your mistakes with someone close to your heart that it almost always makes you susceptible to being hung before ever standing trial?

I guess I'll elaborate.

If someone near & dear to you in a previous life had been found guilty of stealing hamburgers would you be a little leery of cooking up chopped up cow?

Hmm. I'll try again.

If the person who claims to be the love of your life once cut off a man's toes in his sleep would you wear a chastity belt around your feet at night?

I can't only take the blame for this. I am not only the giver of the judgment, but very much a receiver. At what point do you stop punishing the other for past mistakes? I mean, for my entire life I always heard the phrase, "Honesty is the best policy". But, is it?

Is there such a thing as being too honest? Isn't there a certain beauty to being loved unconditionally, mistakes & all? Does history always repeat itself? Do people change? Do we learn? Do we grow while learning from our past mistakes? Am I driving you nuts? Do you want me to shut up? Can I get you a drink?

Interesting thoughts...

Lola's top 10 reasons she loves J.

10. Hot sex in the morning.

9. The maid came today.

8. He loves my children. Even when they are whiny, annoying & disrespectful. (which is like NEVER)

7. He's sexy. C'mon. You think so, too. Admit it.

6. He thinks I'm sexy. (even when I don't think I am)

5. His willingness to share. He is definitely not selfish.

4. His ability to argue with me. And much to my dismay, he is sometimes right even in my "I'm always right" world.

3. His determination. He never quits on me. And no, this isn't a sexual reference. Snort.

2. His children. Who have become my children...

1. His insane sense of humor.

And the man with the golden gun

thinks he knows so much.

Sometimes a little Tori Amos interlude is a good thing.

My dad's wife is a bitch. Unfortunately, I won't give her the satisfaction of telling this to her face (ahem, inbox) since I don't want her to know that I care about her either way.

My nephew, Colt 45, has fever induced seizures. And, when Colt 45 was about a year old, my sister wrote my dad a letter asking him for his family history due to the seizures. Naturally, my dad never got the letter.

It's been 8 or 9 years since we last had contact with my dad & Step Bitch. Obviously, she doesn't really want him to be a father to us & probably never has. This explains the fact that he only contacted us as children when they were separated. And, we did have contact after our mom died for about a year, but that ended with a horrible family vacation to Colorado. Step Bitch got drunk & declared her hatred for our mother... who had been dead for more than a year. Then she proceeded to jump in the hot tub & make out with some dudes 1/2 her age. Yep, she's a winner. I give her two thumbs down.

Anyways, in an email exchange my sister just had with my dad she asked about the seizures & the letter. I assume he forwarded it to his wife, asked about the letter & they went back & forth in an email exchange.

Next thing you know, Sister conveniently gets cc'd an email from my Step Bitch to my dad...

Did u tell Sister about her mom's seizures when drinking alcohol???

She was very careful to cut out her entire email exchange with my dad, but decided to copy Sister on that part?

And yes, my mother was an alcoholic. When she passed away she had been sober for 12 years. Do we need another painful reminder of this? And what the fuck do fever induced seizures have to do with seizures from drinking too much? And what does it possibly do for you to hate on a dead woman?

I created a response to Step Bitch in my head & it went something like this -

Thing 1 fell down the stairs last night. I guess you should tell about the times my mom was so wasted that she could hardly walk!

I can't sleep

I've become an insomniac this week & it sucks.

Yawn.

Yawn.

Yawn.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

The Mourning Dove

When my life changes, the dove calls. And, today I've heard him twice. Once when I dropped the twins off to their dad's & once when I was walking to get my lunch.

Some things to pay attention to when Dove appears:

People often find that unexpected and unseen support and assistance comes when they need it most.

Travel is often indicated when Dove appears prominently, and this may include relocation to a new home.

A death, either physical (of someone one knows or is close to) or symbolic (within the individual) may occur and while it may bring grief, there is also quite often a sense of relief and gratitude that suffering has finally ended and peace will soon be at hand.

A new relationship may begin or an old one rekindled.

The ways and means of leaving a destructive or difficult situation is at hand. Life is about to become much more peaceful and satisfying on all levels.

http://morningstar.netfirms.com/dove.html

Essentially it's about fresh starts, releasing emotions, moving on, letting go & the beginning of something new (or rekindling of something old).

Well, today I spoke to my father for the first time since 2001.

No shit, I'm a strong "I"

Today in real estate land I had a 2 hour DiSC test seminar. When Realtors aren't busy getting listings or showing houses (which I am busy doing) we block off some free time to take some training. And my new office has a lot of sessions to offer...

My team decided to take the DiSC training. DiSC is a personality test.

For those of you new to this -

DiSC Classic Profile provides a nonjudgmental language for exploring issues across 4 primary dimensions of behavior:

* Dominance: Direct & Decisive. D's are strong-willed, strong-minded people who like accepting challenges, taking action, and getting immediate results

* influence: Optimistic & Outgoing. I's are "people people" who like participating on teams, sharing ideas, and energizing and entertaining others

* Steadiness: Sympathetic & Cooperative. S's are helpful people who like working behind the scenes, performing in consistent and predictable ways, and being good listeners

* Conscientiousness: Concerned & Correct. C's are sticklers for quality and like planning ahead, employing systematic approaches, and checking and re-checking for accuracy

(borrowed from www.disctests.com)

Now, I'm an iD. And I am not surprised one bit! However, as I was taking my test & interpreting my answers on graphs & charts I had a thought. I need to know where J lies on this spectrum. J & I butt heads a lot. And even though we get along great for the most part, I keep thinking about the past few weeks where we keep clashing on the smallest of things.

And now I have it figured out.

He is also an iD. And not only are both iDs, but we both are iDSC. In that exact same fucking order.

The mystery is solved. He's my long lost twin born 2 years before me in another state by two completely different parents.

Snort.

Seriously, I strongly suggest the test. Whether it is for work purposes or personal information only, it's interesting to read the details descriptions. Mine fits me pretty accurately. Almost, scarily.

I don't give a fuck about your fucking cake.

That is my random thought of the day. Catchy title, eh?

Tuesday started off with Lola in a crank ass mood. I'm hoping the day will get a little better, but we shall see.

And so far, not getting any better.

I just said FUCK to my boss.

Fuck.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Fuck.

I wish I weren't so fucking pissed today.

Message on a post-it.

My mother has been gone almost 10 years ago now. She used to come to my dreams frequently right after she passed away, but never with a real clear message. As time went on she visits my dreams almost never, but last night she sure did have something to say.

When she came to my dream last night she threw a white post-it note at me that said...

CALL WACHOVIA with an 800 number following.

HUH?

I was so startled at the way she threw that note at me that it woke me up at about 4am. I even thought about it for a while after I woke. Wachovia? They hold the title to my car & I make payments to them monthly, but why would I need to call them?

Any insight?

I am taking a break

From real estate.

I have been on such a roll that my head is spinning. It's 70 degrees, sunny & I have my babies. I'm going to enjoy this day!

The return of sun blankie

Thing 1 has had this blanket since she was born. And when we moved to J's house we redecorated her room & the blanket got put away. Obviously too far away...

Kids just don't get over shit. That's for sure.

A few weeks ago she started asking for her sun blankie. And J kept telling ME that I had thrown it out during our lice-capades. I really didn't buy that. So, I had to tell Thing 1 truthfully that it was lost & I would take her special blanket shopping when we returned from Charleston.

Well, as I was putting our suitcases back in Thing 1 & Thing 2's closet for storage guess what I saw that had obviously been hidden by suitcases for a few months?

Sun blankie.

And, when Thing 1 came home last night I asked her to go upstairs & look on her bed. You would have think this child won the lottery. She grabbed her blankie, threw herself down on the floor & rolled around in all of the sun blankie glory. Next she proceeded to lay it out on her bedroom floor for her barbies to have a picnic on her sun blankie.

I no longer feel guilty about taking a vacation because had I not gone I would have never found dear sun blankie & right now I have the happiest kid alive!

Poker face

It's kinda like that Lady Gaga song, but not quite. So, all of of my chips are, in fact, on the table, but I am definitely wearing my game face.

Do you know what this means?

Probably not.

But, I do.

I can bluff my way through anything.

Charleston, SC

Yes, that is the place of my latest adventures. I am sitting here in a beach house on a twin bed while J sits across from me on his twin bed... complete with yellow striped comforters & matching bed skirts. We are staying in our "living in sin" room. Not married = can't share a bed. Snort.

So, the start of our vacation was a bit turbulent. And it has nothing to do with the plane. We were late picking up the Grandparents & the Grandfather spent the first half hour laying in to J. This is not the "typical" Grandpa. He is the grumpy, aggravated at the world, annoyed millionaire type. He's the first of that kind that I've ever known. He's always right, smarter than Einstein & a very successful man just trying to keep the members of his family from slipping in to dysfunction. I'm in awe of him & I won't lie... I am a little intimidated by him. So, we pick him & J's sweet, adorable Grandmother up after hauling all 4 kids to school. And we head out to the airport to fly in a private jet to Charleston, SC. Private. No security check. No other passengers. First class service. I told J I wasn't entirely impressed, but it was a once in a lifetime kind of experience. Have YOU ever flown in a private jet? Probably not. Unless you're famous or just damn lucky like me.

When we arrive we have lunch with some of J's local family members. We explore downtown a bit & head out to our beach house, the one I didn't want to stay in, but sure am glad we did. It's gorgeous. The only complaint is that the pool is not heated & it's a little too chilly to swim! It's a rough life, I tell ya.

You must try shrimp & grits. Just sayin'.

J's Grandparents invite us to lunch at the "big house." So, today we wake up at 10:15 (damn, it's nice to not have the kids!) & get ready to go to Kiawah Island. It's a private island that you can only get on if you live there or are visiting. George Clooney lives here... somewhere. Naturally after yesterday's disaster regarding time preferences you'd think we would arrive early. Nope. Almost an hour late. (we were lost!) Luckily, no ass chewing took place & we enjoyed lunch complete with pretentious conversations about $700,000 single pieces of artwork & an invitation to join them for church on Sunday. Random? The house was extremely impressive. It resembled an Italian museum & backed up to the ocean with an incredible view. I simply could not imagine bringing the children there & that made me a little sad, but I got over it! When we left I joked that perhaps J's Grandparents would leave him one of those ridiculously expensive pieces of art & we could sell it to buy a larger house for ourselves. I am evil. I may go to hell. Snort.

Tomorrow we are having lunch with them again & getting a view of their new condo downtown. Oh the joy! And then rehearsal dinner & a night of going out!

But, honestly, J's family is great even though they remind me NOTHING of my own. I am enjoying spending time with everyone & especially just being here with J.