I want the body of my dreams.

I really do. I'm not even fat, I know this. I have been fat, yes. I used to weigh almost 200lbs - at two points in my life. I weigh between 158-162 which given the fact that I'm very muscular is pretty good. I'm a perfect size 8. And, honestly, I grew up in 14s & 12s, so Lola is quite content with her perfect size 8.

Lola is not content with a few sections of her body. Okay, I'll quit using 3rd person. I have strong abs, but I've had twins, remember? So, my mid section sucks. (no stretch marks, just mushy) Here is where I critique my entire body to you, my internet blog audience. I hate my stomach. I hate the flab under my arms where my triceps should be... I hate the back of my thighs. And I hate back fat, which I have very little of, but hate what little I have.

I've been working out for years. In 2003 I started running. I lost 30lbs, quickly. I ran for days, mile after mile. I fucked up my knees. Thank you very much. I quit running when I was pregnant the first time. I gained 15lbs & after I lost the baby I decided not to try to lose weight because we were going to try again. Bam, twins! Then after I had the twins I was up to 194lbs shortly after delivery. I know, I know, what can you expect after a 42lbs weight gain?? I was nursing & exercise caused Mastitis. (google it if you don't know what that is) I was eating like a cow anyways. Long story short I was chubby. And, after we bought our house I joined a gym. And, for a year I was very religious. I did tone up & dropped to about 175lbs. Once the separation came I lost another 15lbs & now I'm at this weight. Which I am comfortable with, but want to work on those troubled spots.

So, since you can't have that toned body without some type of weight loss I have realistic goals. Ten lbs. And I hired a personal trainer last week. So, in four weeks I want 10lbs gone & I want to see some muscle definition. I know I am strong & I know I have some really nice definition in certain areas. But I want the body of my dreams. And, so, wish me luck. I don't have to look like Vin Diesel (and really, I hope I never do), but everyone should be happy with what they see. And if they aren't, only YOU can change it.

Another blog brought to by my stupid control issues. Snort.