Sunday, March 27, 2011


Now that I have your attention, listen.

Listen very, very closely.

Do you hear me?



No, really, I haven't driven off the deep end of reality, but I did do something I never thought I'd ever do in five million years....

Do you want to know what it is???

I will tell you...

if you listen.

So, last night J & I went out to a club in DC. It's our new favorite spot. And, every Saturday night there is a theme. Last week it was St Patrick's Day night & I wore a Catholic school girl outfit. This week it was Spring Fever & bathing suits were optional. Now, I left the house is jeans & a really cute backless shirt. I stuffed my teeny bikini in my purse thinking MAYBE I would wear it, but probably not. Well, a few drinks in to the night & a request from a new friend, I changed in the ladies room & put on my teeny bikini.

I wore a bikini in public. And, even though I have worn it to the beach to get a tan, I wore a mom suit to the public indoor pool earlier in the day. Because, well, wearing a teeny bikini while playing with your children in the indoor pool where there is absolutely NO SUN seems ridiculous to me. And, considering who I seem to run in to at the indoor pool, I am glad I didn't try to pull that off... It was sufficiently strange enough without having to worry about things popping out. Snort.

But, yeah, I put on the teeny bikini, coupled it with my killer heels & strutted around the club with a small onset of lookers...

Who am I? Who have I become? What has come over me?

You know what? After YEARS of struggling with my body image, I am finally comfortable with what I have. I instruct aerobics for fuck's sake (yeah, we aren't all stick figures, I swear) & I did get quite a few compliments last night in my teeny bikini. Hell, I've birthed twins & I am PROUD to be able to wear a bikini in public PROUDLY. Did I mention the word of the day is PROUD?

Please do not confuse this with me thinking I still can't stand to lose a few or tone up a bit, because let's face it, that's always an option. But, it feels good to just let go of your inhibitions & DO THE DAMN THING!
Until next time...

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Mooo fucking moo


I try really hard to not pass judgement on people. But, now I'm passing judgement on those who pass judgement on others. It's a little bit of an oxymoron, but well, this is my blog & I can say whatever I want. Hmph.

The pasture is green over here on my side of the fence & I would like to keep it that way. I hate to get all fired up over people who don't really matter to me, but what can I say? I'm a human, not a cow. And, when a person matters to someone that matters to me, I would rather stay on my pasture, but sometimes I need to walk right over to the other side of the fence & say "HEY, YOU SUCK!"

So, go mooooooooo somewhere else. Don't be such an all-knowing bitch. Don't bend the truth to suit your needs. And stop dishing out advice that you don't even take yourself. Because, you're nothing but a judgemental cow.

Put that in your milk & drink it.


Tuesday, March 1, 2011

I do have it all & I am happy. Oh yeah!

There. I said it. My life IS actually like a fairy tale. Now, I'm not saying it's a Disney fairy tale, but it's more like a Grimm Brothers. (Hansel & Gretel, anyone) But, still... I ALWAYS get my happy ending. Snort.

I just spent three days with an amazing person. Momjeans & I have had an almost seven year friendship with plenty of UPS & quite a few DOWNS. When we get together over some drinks not only do we talk about our future (commune in a camper, anyone?), but we also re-live some of our past. Yesterday, part of our past just kinda snuck up on us & hilarity ensued.

I've blogged about my past troubles with Internet message boards. Yes, it's no surprise that I don't always play well with others on boards claiming to be supportive. But, ya know, I seem to do okay with legitimately supportive boards?!?! About six years ago I had a huge falling out with a ton of members from a twin message board ( for those who are nosy). Free publicity from my 70 followers :) Anyways, I don't really remember much about the fight except it started with Momjeans accidentally posting as her name under my account while staying at my house & ended up with my being banned for forgetting to log out of my account - leaving the entire site in danger because Momjeans had access to private forums! Oooh. How dumb of me?!!! However, during the time I was supposed to be banned, some idiot admin on the site accidentally gave me permission to each & every private forum on the site. Coincidence, much? I ended up reading a ton of their stupid shit stabbing at this supposedly "support" forum & copying & pasting it for all to read. I really did earn my new nickname, Cum Dumpster, for sure! However, I was really upset about losing what I thought were all of my friends & back then it was the end of the world. (back of my hand pressed drastically against my forehead & a big, dramatic sigh goes here) Needless to say, my life absolutely did go on & I hadn't really thought about that really lame incident in quite some time!

So, yesterday, Momjeans attended a Zumba class with me. I was instructing & she put on her Zigs & braved the whole scene with me to show her support towards my new career path! That was pretty freaking awesome of her. Hearts! She posted on her facebook that she was going to class to show her support & while she received a lot of "likes" & well wishes, someone obviously wasn't feeling the love & that was a person from about six years ago who probably dubbed me Cum Dumpster. (that's still my favorite term of endearment EVAH!) Instead of posting to Momjean's facebook, the girl posted on her own facebook wall something like this - Please tell Lola that I still think she is a twatface cunt. Don't quote me on that, but it went something like that.... the lovely words twat & cunt were there somewhere. I don't suppose she has learned in the past six years how to insult anyone without using parts of the female anatomy.

I laughed when Momjeans asked me if there was something I had done recently to this said person that would inspire her to openly express her unrequited adoration for me on her facebook page. Seriously, after six years wouldn't it be appropriate to let go of the hatred towards someone you had never even met in real life & know absolutely nothing about?! The drama six year prior is certainly at this point laughable, but the obvious hatred towards me as a person many years is a bit cuckoo!!! Now, I'm not sure, but this may be even funnier than the fact that I am banned from until the year 2014. Double snort.

Ahhh, the good ol' days when all I had was infant twins & front row seats to all of the most entertaining Internet drama that a sleep deprived twin mom could ask! OMG, did I put my commas in the correct place?!?!?!?!

Anyways, it is fabulous that I could snap my fingers & come up with something entertaining to write about in my lately otherwise BORING blog.