Monday, May 31, 2010

Memorial Day Weekend randomness

I love long weekends... especially kid free weekends. ha.

So, I was out with my girlfriends on Friday night & my friend, Hottie #2, asked me to stop writing depressing blogs & try to think of something fun to write about.

Just like old times.

I did have quite a few cocktails on Friday & a shot of tequila prior to going to the movies on Friday night, We went & saw Sex and the City 2 & it was phenomenal. I would love to be Carrie Bradshaw. I have quite the obsession with expensive shoes although I do not own a single pair of Jimmy Choo or Manolo Blahniks. One day, Lola, one day!

Saturday, J & I slept in & then in the late afternoon we went to his dad's house for wedding planning with the step mom & swimming in the heated pool. I was really worried about wearing a bikini in front of J's dad. He is a pervert, albeit, I find him strangely sexy. He's in his mid 50's & I will be honest with you... if J looks half that good at that age, I will be one lucky lady! It's not just dad's looks, but his personality makes him very, very attractive. No worries though, I already tried my luck at home wrecking & it didn't work out so well for me.

J is going to die when he reads this blog.

So, J's dad & step mom continue to try run my wedding show & insisting that we get married at 10am. What the fuck? I have no intention of having a morning wedding, I don't care if they are helping us pay for it. It's just not in my vision. And, I'm the bride, dammit.

But, swimming was fun. J's dad only brushed up against me lightly, once. What fun! (insert paranoid face) What can I say? Sometimes I do fantasize about being his 4th wife. Every time he marries he goes for a younger bride & I certainly fit that bill! Plus, I could own three pairs of Manolo Blahniks, a shit load of Tori Burch purses AND spend my days redecorating my already gorgeous home! And, if I get tired of that, I'm going to lay out at the pool every day cocktail in hand. It's good to have dreams...

Along comes Sunday. Hottie #2 asked me to have a cookout, so we obliged. We invited J's family, his kids came up from their mom's house, some of J's work friends, Hottie #2 & her friend Hottie #3 plus her fiance. Wow, full fucking house. We drank, ate & drank some more. Well, I didn't really drink that much. I couldn't get in to the wine. Occasionally, that happens. I'm afraid Hottie #2 was disappointed in me because I more worried about the crumbs on my floors rather than pouring myself a drink.

When everyone had left, it was me, J & the Boy. He is boycotting his mother's home & that's another blog for another day...

We get an invite to go a few streets away to hang out with a couple that J has been friends with for a while. They have a son that is in school with the Boy & so, at 10:30pm we leave the house to go hang out. When we arrive, we run in to a couple that had previously been to our party & a handful of late 30 something, attractive people. The kids all went inside to watch Transformers & the adults were sitting on the back patio with drinks in hand & many, many empty wine bottles. Although it is somewhat annoying to surround yourself with drinky people when all you are drinking is a diet coke out of a red, solo cup, it was fun to have some adult conversation. Drinky people are entertaining.

Then the strangest thing happened. (no we did not get naked) The man of the house, J's friend, went upstairs & then resurfaced with some "action". (that's my code for herbal refreshment) And, as I listen to this very attractive soccer mom that probably moonlights as a barbie doll talk about smoking a bowl at night after her kids go to sleep & then indulging in Hershey Kisses that she keeps stashed in her nightstand drawer next to her sex toys, I knew I had just met some really fucking cool parents. And, I immediately knew I was to write a blog about my experience. These people had this down to a science. The patio was dark with the exception of a few citronella candles AND the lady of the house lit an incense cone to hide the evidence.

And to think, these are PTA parents!

The next thing I know, I become the ultimate party pooper! Out of nowhere (snort) I felt this raging migraine from hell coming on & we had to exit the party immediately as when I get a migraine I am known to vomit. That put a huge damper on my buzz, but I knew that I had something interesting to put in my blog other than death & taxes.

What's on my Monday agenda? Golf with the boy & J. Yes, I am finally going to put my pink clubs to use...

Tuesday, May 25, 2010


are my favorite.

I am insanely in love with them. And, I have been for quite some time. I don't know how they pack so much buttery, cheesy, salty goodness in one little cracker, but the snack gods are smiling down on me today.

There is nothing like a box of cheez-its, a diet DP & an australian shepherd to share them. Throw in a love triangle episode of Dr. Phil & you have the perfect snack time.

Monday, May 24, 2010

Lola has lost it.

I can't sleep. I have this new sudden fear that by going to sleep I put myself in danger of not waking up. And, now I have a phobia of dying. I'm pretty sure it's because I don't know if I believe in the after life, which I sometimes feel people make up to comfort themselves because they, too, have a fear of dying.

Long story short.

I'm a mess.

I'm fucked.

What the fuck?

I swear, I have lost it.

Friday, May 21, 2010

Save the drama for your mama!

As my Nana was passing away, my family was falling to pieces. Everyone was moody, upset, emotional & really bitchy. I suppose that is to be expected. However, I think family members should really lean on each other in times of need, not shit on each other.

My dramatic moment happened the night Nana passed away. I had been staying with my one aunt, because she was upset that the last time I was home I stayed with my other aunt. (that's where my sister was staying and it was closer to the hospital.. and it doesn't hurt that she has a pool in her backyard & her house is clean) Anyways. Aunt K had her feelings hurt so like a good niece I was sleeping at her house. Nana had just passed away & we were all at Aunt D's house going through pictures & making funeral arrangements. And eating ham. Ham is the world's worst funeral food, yet, if someone dies, you get a big, fat ham!

A few months ago my Nana had told me that after she died I would need to stay a few days later for the reading of her will. Okay. We were all planning & so on & I happened to ask the question about that issue.

Big mistake.

My Aunt K went ape shit. She rolled her eyes at me, went outside & told Aunt D that we hadn't even buried Nana yet & I was already wondering about the will.

Not so fast, lady.

My question to the executor of Nana's estate was simply inquiring about the reading of the will & would she happen to know when it would take place. I needed to get my return flight home & was trying to figure out what day I was going to leave. I do have four kids & I had been out of town for quite some time already plus I had been gone every other week for about 2 months. It was a simple question. Non evasive. A practical answer would have been fine.

I got attitude.

I have never been so hurt in my life as hearing it later from Aunt D that Aunt K thought that my biggest concern was what was in that will. Well, fuck. I already knew what I was being left. Nana had talked to me about it over the years. She owns a ranch in Blanco County, TX that was to be divided four ways. However, because I am no longer a Texas resident she had asked me if I wanted to be bought out because of that. And, when I was home for Christmas she had another talk with me about my inheritance. After my mom passed away I blew through thousands of dollars & have nothing to show for it except probably a battered liver. I pissed it away on bar tabs & drugs. I was 22 years old & an idiot.

Alot has changed in 10 years. So, I'd like to think.

Long story short - I was honestly just looking to see when I could fly home. The contents of the will were not on my mind at the time, but getting home to my family was.

I borrowed Aunt D's car & went to pack up my shit. There was no way in hell I was staying in her filthy ass house one more night. Was that shitty of me? Probably. But, I was hurt. When I returned I sat on the front curb chain smoking & talking to J on the phone. Well, crying to J on the phone. Aunt K left without so much as a goodbye to me & I just lost my shit.

I realize she was stressed. Her mom had just died. She was in jeopardy of losing her job due to being out for so long. And, it was really just a bad time. However, treating me like shit was not something I was prepared for nor did I handle it very well. I'm not used to being the black sheep of the family.

It took a few days, but she finally came around. I actually apologized to HER for HER misunderstanding my question & she went back to her normal self.


Save the drama for your mama, baby!

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Laying Nana to rest...

If you read my blog, you know that my Nana has been very sick. After traveling back & forth to Texas for the past two months, she finally passed away last Thursday while I was home for my cousin's college graduation.

I flew in on Tuesday evening. Wednesday morning we got the call to rush up to the hospital because it was "time". We waited & she kept right on living. Wednesday evening my cousins & I went out to celebrate Graduates last final exam & while out, we got the call that it was, again, "time." We gave our lemon drop shots away, paid the bar tab & rushed out of there arriving at the hospital suprisingly sober! We all stayed by her side until 4am. Again, she just kept on living...

Thursday morning we got the call, yet again. After a morning of praying with her, singing to her & letting her know that it was okay to go, she finally took her last breath. I had kept telling her to not worry about our agenda & to just worry about her own & she finally listened. Her final days were rough. She sounded like she was drowning & she was absolutely miserable as her lungs filled up with fluid. I prayed daily for God to take her, because she certainly didn't deserve to suffer this way.

I had happened to be in Target when she passed away. We really didn't think she was in a rush to go after the few "false" alarms. I took my cousin & sister to Target & we got the call. Graduate cousin was there, as well as the rest of my family. She said it was the most peaceful thing, ever. I did get back there & spent the next few hours with her until they took her. It was easy to see that she was finally at peace.

The next few days were whirlwind of activity & emotional outbursts. My family basically fell apart for a few days & we all took it out on each other. At one point, I packed my stuff from one aunt's house & moved it to another aunt's house because of the drama. I'm not proud of how we all handled it at first, but we all ended up uniting & getting our shit together!

The graduation was a wonderful distraction. And, we went ahead with our plans for a graduation party the following day. Nana was really big on education & a college graduation would have been one of her favorite events to celebrate.

After my cousin's graduation we had to get on with reality. We buried my Nana in her family's cemetery in Round Mountain, TX (population 111) on Monday. Nana's six granddaughters each wrote a paragraph about her that my sister & Texas Kate read at the funeral. I was still writing an hour before the service due to the worst case of writer's block I ever had! (not to mention the panic attack I had the night before while writing!) I will post mine here in the next few days.

After we buried Nana we left the Texas hill country & came back to Corpus Christi, TX... the place she had called home for the past 30 years. We had a lovely memorial service for her on Tuesday. By Wednesday, I was ready to fly home. And, luckily J was able to get me on his return fight. We arrived home at 1am last night!

It has not fully sunk in, yet, but I know the next few weeks will be rough for me. I've said it before, but my Nana was one amazing lady & she will be missed by many, but especially by me.

I sure do wish I could get kolaches in Virginia!!

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Ooooh, my baby's got a secret.

How open are you about your past? I mean, we've all done things in which we aren't exactly proud. How much of your shit are you allowed to actually keep stuffed inside your own closet? Are you obligated, for any reason, to share the sordid details of your past life to people with whom you have a relationship?

My answer is this:

If it directly affects your relationship, then yes, by all means spill the dirt. But if part of your past never touches anything you lay your future hands then, well, what is the point? If there is a chapter in your life that you want to rewrite then by all means, publish it!

Random Wednesday night thoughts, for a random Wednesday evening.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

It is with deepest regret I post

that my Nana has not passed, yet. Instead, she lays in a hospital bed suffering. Really? This is beyond not fair. I did as instructed & spoke to her on the phone. I told her it was okay go go be with -insert names of dead people here-. If she hangs on until next week I can tell her in person.

I realize there is a point in which you have hope for your loved one & do not want them to die, but we are way past that point. Now, it's just insane how much you want a person to let go so you don't have to watch them suffer.

Either way, I feel selfish. I guess we'll just see what happens.

In the meantime.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

A good time, brought to you by me.

It's Friday night. J & I decide to head up to Carpools. There is a scene that we dig up there & so we are going with it. Unfortunately, J lost his ID & last time we couldn't get in because they card at the door after a certain time.

No biggie. We decide to get up there ASS early, before they start carding.

We pick our spot at the bar in front of the game machine. No laughing. I really enjoy playing those games. We order our obligatory red bulls & vodka. When J & I are tired we go out & drink those because honestly, it gives us wings. And, at some point in the night, brass balls. So, we're hanging & eating our greasy cheeseburgers. Aunt Helen's brother happens to be there. Aunt Helen is J's ex girlfriend. She's the girl that dumped J three months prior to us meeting. Basically, I was the "rebound" girl there.

Two years later...

J & surfer boy ex-girlfriend's brother are catching up & I find it incredibly creepy. What if Aunt Helen shows up? Ick. Luckily, she doesn't. And, we keep drinking. We're looking for someone in the bar to play with & it just so happens we are two of fifteen people there that night.

We have a shot. Or two.

Then, two cute girls come sit down next to us at the bar. You know how I heart me some cuties.

Another shot, please.

The girls go outside on the patio & I tell J we should split up. J & I have game. Oh yes, we are professionals at this game. I tell him to go outside & spark up a conversation with them while I finish my luck at the game. (I wasn't going to let 10 credits go to waste, or to the big guy sitting next to me)

About twenty minutes go by & I am out of credits. My interest has moved to bigger & better things. I sashay my hot looking ass (new, tight jeans) outside & I crack a smile. J is sitting down with the ladies & they are all having a great time. I sit down with my huge grin & one of the gals immediately says, "You must be HER!"

J has a good habit of meeting cute girls at bars & telling them all about ME! It's really cute. We pair off. My interest is towards the petite blond who I end up talking to for the next two hours. We have everything in common. And, I knew we were to be insta-friends. J is juggling chubby brunette with amazing dimples & surfer boy ex-girlfriend's brother. The drinks are flowing. The air is warm. And, I am enjoying my new friends.

Finally, around midnight, J claims it is time to go. When he is done, he is done. So, I exchange numbers with blondie & invite her out for dinner the next night. I had already planned a girl's night out with two of my girlfriends. She accepts & J & I exit bar plotting our midnight snack. I normally do not partake in post alcohol induced snacking because I'm constantly watching my figure. He drives through Wendy's.

When we get home J parks the car & we sing to each other for about 20 minutes. Doing ridiculous things like this reminds me of why we are so great for each other. We have this uncanny ability to release our stress & troubles in our every day life by doing simple things together like blasting the radio, dancing & singing, like teenagers.

We stumble inside happily greeted by our beautiful puppy. And, for a moment, all is right in my world.

The next morning I am greeted vigorously by a relentless hangover.

Ahhhhh, Lola Starr, this is your life!