Saturday, September 5, 2009

Baby, things change.

I have used this song as a reference before.

Anyways, here we go again with change. My blogs are few & far between lately & it isn't because I don't have time. I do. It's because when your life is as peaceful as mine is right now, there really isn't anything dramatic enough to write about. Finally, after what feels like an eternity in an uncertain place in life, I am starting to figure out where I am, why I am here & where I am going.

I am in a secure relationship with J simply because I love him & all of his imperfections. And he loves me & all of mine. We have made such big strides in our relationship over the past few months realizing that we both want the same things & we have been experiencing them together. I have never been happier with "us" than I am right now.

The "why" factor is harder. Obviously, I am here because of love, but love isn't the super glue of relationships. It isn't enough to hold two people together, unfortunately. And, that's a lesson I've learned time & time again. So, obviously, I'm now figuring out that you have to give more than love to make a relationship work. Ding, ding, ding! Love should never be hard to give, either. It's the patience, acceptance & compromises that are hard to give. Love is easy, peasy, lemon squeezy!

As to where I am going, well it cannot be answered that simply. I still have a few missing pieces. Since I took a leave of absence from work in June I have not been working. And, in turn, I have had more time for the kids, the house & for J. I'm happy with it, but still trying to figure out if this decision is permanent. J has expressed that he would like for me to stay home, but I have always had this constant NEED to be this independent woman. It's because I always have been. However, I feel like home is where I NEED to be even more strongly than my NEED to be the independent woman. In the meantime, the world is my oyster. I can substitute teach. I can get a work from home job. I can take pottery classes. I can be a room mother in the children's classes. Fuck, I could be PTA president. (This paragraph brought to you by the word NEED!)


Anita said...

I could so see you doing a pottery class *Snort* but If its a campaing for PTA President Lemme know we will make you some posters HAHAHAHHAHA

eednic said...

i'm glad to hear that you are feelin' happy! i'm pretty content these days too. which totally ruined my chances at being a rock star, because HELLO! rock stars have ANGST! and i totes don't have a lot of angst anymore.