Monday, December 29, 2008

Four days without blogging!

Why, you ask?

(well, my sister actually DID ask)

I'm going to Texas. The most, magical place in the world. And, really, it's only because it's home. I love going home.

This year is special because I'm sharing my home with J, Lavagirl & the Boy. I think everyone is excited & although it's 9:30pm & I'm not packed yet - have no fear. Somehow, some way, this house will transform in to a clean, organized place. The laundry will miraculously fold itself & snuggle down in to the suitcases. I will have batteries in the leapsters. I will charge the laptops, ipods, cell phones & maybe find some coloring books for the triplets.

It will happen.

So, I will be scarce for a week or so, but I leave you with pictures from my new Canon Rebel.

Happy New Year! May this one be a hell of a lot fucking better than the last.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

It's the most wonderful time... of the year!

Merry Fucking Christmas.

Today was great.

Really the most wonderful day.

J & I finished wrapping gifts before 10pm last night. Not bad considering it looked like Toys R Us threw up all over our house. We had Thing 1 & Thing 2 last night & they go to bed pretty early. And I think they didn't actually get up until 7:30am - so not too bad. We had to wait an hour until we could pick up Lavagirl & the Boy from their mom's house. So I did what every good mother does...

I CHI'ed their hair for them. Snort.

In the midst of the CHI, Thing 1 had a cough attack. Fucking pneumonia!

Down to the good stuff.

I got an AWESOME Canon Rebel. Expect a TON MORE PICTURES FROM ME! (Thanks to my sister for helping coordinate this lavish gift!) I also got a digital picture frame (fuck you, they are not gay!), a new hoodie & a DVD. Mamma Mia. And yes, I made J & the twins watch it with me while I sang along. LOVE IT!

I got J a pair of crocs, a bottle of Chrome, a book written by Benjamin Franklin (he is a distant relative, btw), a sweater vest & a blue ray disc player. Naturally, I divided the gifts up between the kids, too!

The Boy got a laptop. And proudly exclaimed during present opening that Santa had been to Nordstrom's. Snort. He's a label whore like his father!

Lavagirl, Thing 1 & Thing 2 all got the same cack. Leapsters & games, Barbie cars, Hannah Montana dolls, Barbies, robes, PJs, Candyland & Chutes & Ladders, clothes & shoes. They really had a pile of shit. Seriously. And a lot of Disney princess cack... can't forget the princess shit.

After J's kids went back to their mom's house, J & I enjoyed a whole day with the twins. We had take out Chinese, watched movies, played Candyland & I thoroughly enjoyed my new camera. I will definitely post pics in a bit!

But most of all, I enjoyed the fact that I had a partner in this world to share the joy of Christmas. It was a refreshing change of pace.

Now, I have to get ready to send the twins to their father's house where they get their 3rd Christmas. And then we're going to Texas for their 4th.

Spoiled children of divorced families. Snort.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Merry Christmas Eve


Lavagirl, Thing 1 & Thing 2

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

I hate this part.


Yes, I dig it. Shut up.

Bring on the future!

I gave up Tarot card reading some months ago. I even gave my deck of cards to my children as a toy. In all fairness, I had a really neat deck & they LOVED looking at all the "princesses" on the face of each card.

But, today I decided I needed a little enlightenment as to what my future will hold. I've made some serious life changes & what some may consider, irrational decisions. And I don't feel I've made any decisions that would enable me to hide from my past mistakes. I have been very open & honest with everyone about what I've done & where I've been - especially in the last year.


It's been a rough year.

/end Whine

I'm really ready to get to a happy, stable place & I know that security must first come from within myself.

I'm rambling.

Anyways, I did an online Tarot card reading & asked the question, "WHAT DOES THE NEXT YEAR HOLD FOR ME?"

And my answers are crystal.

The card not shown but at the center of the cross, represents the atmosphere surrounding the central issue. The Lovers: A caring and trusting relationship. Beauty and inner harmony. A decision calling for emotional control and faithfulness to spiritual values.

The card visible at the center of the cross represents the obstacle that stands in your way - it may even be something that sounds good but is not actually to your benefit. Nine of Cups (Happiness): Contentment and satisfaction in romance, friendship, or other relationships. Achieving your deepest desires and savoring beauty and sensual pleasures. A state of joy and abundance radiating fulfillment and bliss.

The card at the top of the cross represents your goal, or the best you can achieve without a dramatic change of priorities. The World: Completeness and intricacy of design. A great work. Achievement, reward, and well-earned recognition. A time of success, prosperity, security and joy. May also indicate travel or a change in residence.

The card at the bottom of the cross represents the foundation on which the situation is based. Page of Pentacles: The essence of earth, such as a mountain: The surprising appearance of new prosperity and opportunities for advance in the physical world. One who delights in the pleasures of the body, material things, and nature. The embrace of hard work, realistic goals, and scholarly perseverance as a means to create solid achievement. Dependability, trust, and a studious nature. May portend a new job or promotion.

The card at the left of the cross represents a passing influence or something to be released. Page of Wands: The essence of fire behaving as earth, such as wood or coal: The surprising appearance of a new passion. An adventurer who blazes through life, acting as a catalyst that others may harness. The intense enthusiasm and childlike imagination that fuels any new venture, needing only the application of mind and material to make it a success. Inner fire that can drive away fear and replace it with fury. Can represent a person of some timidity, but whose innate passion can be easily ignited. May indicate the birth of a child.

The card at the right of the cross represents an approaching influence or something to be embraced. Seven of Swords (Futility): An opportunity to withdraw from a hopeless situation and fight another day. Disengagement from a struggle you should never have been involved in. A desperate attempt to resolve a matter without conflict. The use of cleverness or outright deception to turn the tide in your favor.

The card at the base of the staff represents your role or attitude. Two of Wands (Dominion): Established power and influence over others. Setting goals and a vision for the future. Coming to grips with the impact of past decisions, considering the current state of affairs, and developing a plan of action. Responsible leadership.

The card second from the bottom of the staff represents your environment and the people you are interacting with. The Hierophant: Faith in tradition and the old school. A justified and ancient source of power. Being supportive, sympathetic and loyal. Receiving instructions, learning, guidance or inspiration. The ability to hear a higher or inner voice. May also indicate a religious ritual, such as a marriage or an initiation.

The card second from the top of the staff represents your hopes, fears, or an unexpected element that will come into play. Wheel of Fortune: The path of destiny. Karma on a grand scale. An unexpected turn of good fortune. A link in the chain of events. Success, luck, and happiness.

The card at the top of the staff represents the ultimate outcome should you continue on this course. Ace of Pentacles: The seed of prosperity and material gain - perhaps as yet unseen. A new foundation from which to turn your dreams into reality. The need to focus on the practical and understand the dynamics of the natural world. May represent a gift, document, inheritance, or an unexpected opportunity for physical achievement.

Freaky. Para.

Monday, December 22, 2008

My gift to you.

J - you now know what to get me for Christmas. Snort.

(Justin Timberlake in a box. Para)

I am sick of sick.

Thing 1 has pneumonia. I'm sure Thing 2 has it, too. J is throwing up. All four children are getting over strep throat. I am just starting to feel normal again after having strep or not strep - I tested negative twice, but had all the symptoms. (Thank goodness it wasn't mono!)

All we got for Christmas are germs.


Friday, December 19, 2008

Top ten things I did accomplish this year.

10. Buy a Volvo. They are good cars & have high safety ratings.

9. Make new friends. Really awesome friends, too. The kind that let you bite their shirt in the middle of the dance floor when you're drinky & think that's sexy.

8. Live a little. I've done so many fun things this year. I went to NYC to see the premier of Sex & the City, I've been to Texas twice (once kid free) & I saw Brian Wilson perform at a ritzy gala where J & I did win auction items we've yet to purchase. DO NOT DRINK & BID. I've been to events, parties, dinners, concerts & on trips. And not only have I spent a lot in outfits, but I've had a great time while enjoying great company.

7. I fell in love. No surprise here. I fall in love easily. Snort.

6. I stayed in love... J is so stuck with me. For.ev.ah.

5. I have doubled the size of my family without having a baby. Abracadabra, I'm now the mom of 4! And I love every minute of it, even 5th grade math.

4. Banish all destructive relationships. They are all exes for a reason, kid.

3. Learned how to nit pick lice infested hair. I am not sure I want to brag, but this was an accomplishment. Twice.

2. Nine Real Estate transactions. That's not bad. And I'm hoping next year will be even better!

1. Found myself. After a few years of walking around lost in the woods with a big stick (does anyone, but my sister get that joke?) I have figured out what makes me happy in this world. And surprisingly, it doesn't take much. Love, family & a few designer purses.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Top ten things I did not accomplish this year.

10. Mail out Christmas cards. I do them every year, except this year. I just suck.

9. Make a bold career move. Still waiting to do that. Tick tock. Tick tock.

8. Have a baby. And no, I wasn't pregnant nor was I trying.

7. Stop smoking. I actually went in reverse. I smoke more, now. Blech.

6. Change my evil ways. I'm still a "pope on a kidney". I'm self-centered, always right, & sometimes even quite selfish. Gasp. Who knew?

5. Run a marathon. See #7.

4. Write a book. I wanted to, but I wrote a blog instead.

3. Make six figures. Getting engaged to someone who does may be close, but it's not the same. I promise.

2. Get divorced. Legally. Not done, yet.

1. Become a rock star. (Rock Band does not count & neither does singing in the car in front of an audience of 3.)

When all else fails...

Listen to music.


Tuesday, December 16, 2008

All you need is love.

It's good to be a step mom-ish.

Step mom-ish - a soon to be, but not quite there yet step mother.

I don't guess you really have to be married to someone to consider a child yours. Nah, you don't.

Today's story brought to you by the Boy.

I'm laying in bed last night watching Step Brothers. J had fallen asleep during the course of the movie & I was up laughing all by myself. My phone starts buzzing & I have a text. It was a certain hot hippymom & all of her boobtastic glory! Then I got another text & it was from the Boy who was downstairs in the basement in his bedroom.

U're weird.

I'm weird???

Okay, I am. Anyways, he's not tired, he's done reading & he basically wants to hang out. So I tell him I'll meet him in the kitchen. I walk down & he walks up. We have juice pouches & teddy grahams as we surf the internet looking at things to get J for Christmas meanwhile he's giving me his short list. Snort.

We kill about a half hour before I tell him that it's 11pm & way past his bedtime. He said something about how this week sucks because he has FLE at school. FLE? Yeah, Family Life Education. You know you remember that from elementary.

Egads! I start wondering if he wants to actually talk about it with me & I start to prepare myself for a talk about nocturnal emissions or something. Trust me, I'm cringing.

"It was actually today", he says.

So, I make a joke, because in tense situations that's all I can really do. I said at least he didn't have to sit there with his dad in the class because when I was in elementary our mothers were required to sit with us during that class.

He got really embarrassed at the thought of J being there with him. I thought it was cute.

We finally part stair cases & I snuggle up in bed & he comes up the stairs, "I need someone to sign this." I open his binder & look at the form. It basically is a completion form of the FLE class & it wants a parents signature. And on the form it says to DISCUSS PUBERTY WITH YOUR CHILD. Well, a) I can't sign his school forms. I'm just a step mom-ish. AND b) I'm not really up to discussing that with him when his dad is snoring in my ear.

We'll discuss it in the morning. That's all I could do.

As I drifted off to sleep I figured it out. The Boy did not want to talk to his father at all about sex, puberty & the like so he wanted me to sign the form. I'm pretty sure he planned it all out. Because, as a step mom-ish you just tend to pick up on these things. So, first thing this morning I told J about the form & I made him promise not to discuss it with the Boy right now.

What happens in a few days... not my problem. Wink.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Take two of these & call me in the morning.

I am sick.

I am a big, whiny baby when I'm sick.

I tested negative twice for strep.

I may have mono.

The gland in my neck is painfully swollen.

I am having a sick day, today.

I am sick.

And it sucks.


Saturday, December 13, 2008

For myself

She is so cute in this video.

Friday, December 12, 2008

I see London, I see France, I see Lola's underpants...

on the office floor?

How the fuck does that happen?

I'll tell you.

And I'm heinously embarrassed.

This morning I put on dirty jeans (okay they were worn, but not dirty necessarily). J & I are swimming in baskets of laundry & I was running late. I even ironed the dirty jeans. Yes, ironed. And I put them on with my sweater, high heels & my pashmina wrap.

Some hours go by. Just another day at the office.

And then right after the UPS guy left I had to go to the bathroom. I came back, sat at my desk & started eating lunch. And one of the agents on my team came to my desk & her jaw dropped.

"What is that?", she cried, pointing at the Persian rug in the lobby of our office.

It was my dirty panties.

I wanted to die.

I blamed the UPS guy. Shrug.


I want to know.

Who has answers?

Oh & since I pretended they weren't mine I threw them out with a paper plate as a scoop & a highlighter as my shovel. And I'll be damned if my co-agent didn't actually reach in to view the panties & notice the size.

A 6.

That's my size.


Thursday, December 11, 2008

He loves me, he loves me not

He loves me.

After a tough week, a rough day & a hungry belly, I came home to exactly what I wanted.



Have I done this before?

No two parents are the same. And J & I are in total opposite directions some days I'm not even sure how we stay together. He must hate the fact that I'm so freaking anal about every little thing & I kinda get annoyed that he takes a more lackadaisical approach to parenting.

He was upset with me that I took the other night off from the gym because I didn't want to leave the girls with him & go when a) Annie was a little whiny, clingy & now because she probably has strep, sick. b) I can't just leave my kids with him every night. They need me home. That's my job.

J thinks I never take time to myself. Well, when you have 2 kids close to full time you don't have much choice in the matter. When they are grown then I'll get to do whatever I want, whenever I want. Until then, my job is to take them to school, help with their homework, fulfill their emotional needs, make dinner, clean their bathroom & all of that other fun shit.

My children are my greatest accomplishment. And, no, they aren't perfect by any means. (you've met them, right?) And his children are finding their own spot in my heart right there with my own children. The only difference is they aren't mine & what I say doesn't always go. And you know what?

It's okay.

I'm going to do my own thing with my children while coexisting with J & his children. If he wants his kids to sleep in or miss school because they are tired I will not say anything. And if I want to coddle my children for a night because they are emotional, I will. It's not a contest to see who raises better children. These are our lives. And we should just live them. One day I hope we can raise our children together, but we're just not there, yet.

/end really strange rant

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Whatever Lola says is true! Duh!?

A little appreciate goes a long way, I think. I tend to walk around all the time thinking that I should BE appreciated so, I am often forgetful about appreciating others. I'm such a selfish cow, I know. Cry.

I know, I kinda did this thread around Thanksgiving...

But it's true. Take time out of your busy schedule to appreciate someone in your life.

Go on, now.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

No pun intended. I swear.

I'm sure we aren't the only couple that has experienced the anti-climactic interruption of sex by a child.

Okay, so it was climactic for me.


Friday night J & I go out for a few drinks with friends & we return relatively early. (midnight-ish) After J takes our babysitter home & I hang out with the Boy & his side kick we decide it's time for bed.

Mind you, it had been a week since our last bedroom bonanza.

J checks on the girls upstairs before joining me in our bedroom & Thing 2 is awake & wants to get in our bed. Well, we, the drinky parents of the Baby residence, decide to tell her conflicting stories. I think he told her yes (although he will deny it) & I told her we'd come get her after we watched a movie. (see, it's wrong, but by then she'd be asleep & she will have forgetten that what we had told her by morning) She seemed satisfied with one of those answers.

We really are good parents. I swear.

Well, all seems well & we start taking care of ourselves. Ahem. Twenty minutes later there is a knock at the door.

And guess who?

Yep. Thing 2.

She comes in with her blankie in one hand & her two favorite stuffed animals in the other. She was looking pathetically cute. And, so she gets in the bed with me & J, who is pretty annoyed at this point, decides to go downstairs to the couch.

At least I went to bed satisfied & I had a little extra snuggly bonus.

J, on the other hand, not so much! No pun intended.

Weekend Wrap Up


I had a 3 day weekend. And you know what? At the end of it all I fell asleep at 8:30pm last night. I was exhausted.

Friday night J & I went out with our usual suspects minus one hot blond aerobics instructor & her main squeeze. (date nights are not allowed, you two!) Ms. Drinky Drinks Alot was already drinky drunky drunk by the time she arrived so 1/2 hour of almost scoring with her later she left with her date to the Golden Arches. J & I decided to stay, have some drinks & hang out together. I think he was bummed that only I got to see her nipple.

The next morning was hell on Earth because the A's had to be at school at 8:30am for a performance at the Winter Bazaar at the school. It was kinda worth it - they were so stinkin' cute! (Maybe I'm just partial...) We had a great time & J, Lavagirl & the Boy came with & got to meet the twins' teachers & see their classrooms. We even spent more than $100 at the book fair. Snort. Damn children.

We left there to head up to see Santa at the mall. Somehow, I got stuck with girl duty & I took the triplets inside & surprise - there was NO LINE! That never happens, but it was only 10am. We had lunch all together plus my sweet baby boy was there. (he's in the turkey thread at the very bottom!) All the children quickly start to expire.

By this point I'm so wiped out that I get home, get all the girls to bed, get the Boy situated & I am just about to drift off to sleep...

No luck. The Boy has his first movie date with his girlfriend. I did get to drop him off at the theater & it was one of the proudest moments I've ever felt as an almost parent. Since Lavagirl didn't ever actually fall sleep she went with me to take the Boy & then we cruised over to Michaels for Christmas decor for the house & to the grocery store for the house party that we found out we were having just 2 hours prior.

There is no rest for the weary. Snort.

House party. Yes, J & I had a little party. Since most of our friends have children & we're always doing the babysitter/go out thing we decided to all just hang out at the house. My bestfriend & her husband came with their 3 year old. The blond who was a no show the night before came with her 3 year old plus the guy she's dating. We ate, drank, let all the girls run around upstairs & had a great time. And, I'm not really sure who's idea it was to come home with all the crabs, but I still have a pot full of steamed crabs in my fridge.

No one felt good on Sunday. So, I was on mom duty. I made the triplets TWO lunches, cleaned up from the party & was getting the house ready for my house guest while J & the Boy were sleeping.

Really, there is no rest for the weary.

I went to pick up my house guest & I took her grocery shopping with me. When we arrived back home EVERYONE WAS SLEEPING. At that point I would have cut off my right pinkie toe for a nap. Snort.

After an evening of dinner, bowling, beer, action & entertaining J & I were up most of the night due to sick children and/or those children wishing to not sleep for some strange reason.

The next morning I'm up at usual time to take the twins to school. And I return to find my guest still sleeping so I zonk out on the couch for an hour. It was heavenly... until my phone started ringing non-stop.


I decided I may as well get up & clean house. I clean a lot, by the way...

Then I made brunch & afterwards my guest, the Boy & I play ROCK BAND! And we were sadly interrupted by the fact that I had to get my guest to Baltimore so she could catch her plane.

I return from B'more with a sick child who seems to have an aversion to any type of cough medicine. He starts destroying all humans on the XBOX while I sat down for 1/2 hour reading Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing. Yes, I bought that at the book fair. Para.

Then I get off my ass & clean bathrooms, do dishes, start dinner, pick up the twins & by the time I get the whiniest children on the planet home & nearly collapse from sheer exhaustion...

J is ready to help me get them fed, bathed & off to bed. One was out by 6:40 & the other by 7:15. I guess they were tired, too.

And then we zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!

Friday, December 5, 2008

Lola's version of The 12 Days of Christmas

On the 12th day of Christmas my true love gave to me.

12. Chocolate pralines
11. Lattes brewing
10. Ladies dancing (naked)
9. Hours sleeping
8. Maids a' cleaning
7. Days no fighting
6. Buttery nipples
4. Salon visits
3. Bottles of merlot
2. Jimmy Choos

And a new camera to capture it all!

Thursday, December 4, 2008

I'm not hiding anything

I swear.

The ring tells all. I never notice anyone's ring finger on their left hand. EVER. So, why is mine getting noticed all the damn time?


Because it's blingy.

J keeps saying he wishes it was bigger. (And yes, he means my ring, you perv!)

Honestly, the size is a non-issue. (Seriously, get your mind out of the gutter.)

Clients have noticed. People at the gym have noticed. Today a co-worker noticed. I should just probably go ahead & set up an e-announcement or something.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Lola's Christmas rant.

I promise I am not Scrooge by any capacity, but I have to vent a little bit here.

Every year I say I'm not going to go overboard on gifts & shit. And every year I spend way more money than I should. I don't make a huge production getting toys for the girls because I buy them endless amounts of cack YEAR ROUND. So, I don't want them growing up thinking Christmas is the day you get your year's supply of toys. It's much more economical to purchase cack little by little all year. I just don't wish to hide it all in a closet until December so I dole it out as I see fit.

C'mon people. What is the true meaning of Christmas? And don't tell me it was the day Jesus was born. Snort.

/end soapbox

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

A wrap song

For Anita, again.

Love you long time, sis.

Tuesday Dedications

For my darling, J. Because he doesn't hear it enough.

For the two big zits I have on my face.

To all the work piled on my desk.

To my headache.

To it not quite being lunchtime, yet.

And to Anita.

The EX Files - Can you name all of your exes?

I can try.

Michael (5th grade starts it all)
Christian (7th grade & first kiss)
Ronnie (7th grade & hardly any recollection of him. He called to say he loved me from time to time.)
Mac Watson (8th grade & first French kiss. Blech!)
Fernando (8th grade & he dumped me for my bestfriend)
Jason Adlong (Freshman year & had acne from hell)
Kevin "Big Lips" Prestley (Sophomore year & a total prude. Kissing may have been against his religion.)
Phillip Inman (Junior year - my best friend's older brother & he dumped me. It sucked.)
Joey Morgart (Senior year - I loved him. So I thought... I lost my virginity to him & then lied to all my friends because I didn't want them to think I was a whore. Meanwhile, Kevin had the locker next to me & didn't speak to me the entire year.)

Then comes college & my crazy, drinky, wild ways.

Tim Nguyen (He's about as close to a boyfriend as I had Freshman year)
Bryan Lawson (He's in prison now for child pornography. There are just no words here.)
Kasey McConaughey (She was not related to Matthew, but she was my first real girlfriend. Crazy, psycho bitch...)
Mark (The only ex I care about as a friend to this day.)

As I entered adulthood I had more "stable" relationships. Snort. Double fucking snort. Seriously, I just became more tolerable of asshattery behavior that made 3 year relationships seem like a fucking eternity.

Jonathan Cain (Can we say loser? L O S E R ! ! ! !)
MJG (I divorced him.)
Mistake #1,234 (The duly noted lesbian affair. It counts, I guess.)

So, that's everyone I had a legitimate relationship with that lasted more than a few weeks.

What was the point of this blog?

Who the fuck knows?

Monday, December 1, 2008

PS - I love you

Dear J,

Even though I'm dead now you may want to go ahead & buy me that Coach bag that you lost fair & square. In fact, go ahead & get the matching wallet, too. Bury me with it, please.

Don't forget to hang the curtains in the living room & dining room. It will require going to buy curtain rods, but I think you can handle that.

Perhaps you should buy an oven now that I'm not there to use it. Perhaps you can bake me a birthday cake when my big 32 rolls around!!

Please open my nightstand drawer & use the condoms in there before they expire. Don't act like you're not going to bang other girls. Remember, I'm watching you!

And last, but not least, go ahead & keep the dog now. You may actually enjoy her company now that I'm no longer glued to your side.


PS - I love you

Sunday, November 30, 2008

Friday, November 28, 2008

The story of Sam

Meet Sam - our turkey.

I was sitting here eating leftover sweet potato souffle contemplating what on Earth to talk about today. So, I decided that since my brain is still on Black Friday shopping that I'd let my pictures tell the story.

Sam turned out to be a delicious Thanksgiving treat & I hope you all had a lovely day with family & friends.

The last picture is not of Sam, but at one point I was so hungry I debated eating him right up! However, I decided against that. He's just too cute!

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

My obligatory "What are you thankful for?" blog

Because in the spirit of Thanksgiving I want to be in the Thanksgiving spirit.

Stop rolling your eyes at me. I'm about to get sappy & shit.

I am thankful for my children. And not just my two, either. Having a family of four children, even if only part time, has been quite challenging. And as months go by it gets easier on me, on J & on the kiddos. So, I'm grateful that we are working together to create a very loving family. I think we all crave this domestic bliss in some way, shape or form.

I am thankful for my health. I spent most of this year stressed out to say the very least. My eating habits (or lack there of) have gone to shit. My gym membership has been ALMOST a complete waste. (Going 2x a week is my goal. I usually make it 2x a month!) I have lost 20lbs this year, although not the healthiest of ways. I am grateful that even though I slack off that I can still go to the gym, do 1 hour of step class & kick all kinds of ass doing it! Be good to your body & it will be good to you.

I am thankful for my family, extended & beyond. To my Sister, my Nephew, my Grandmother, my Aunts, Cousins, Uncle & everyone in between - thank you for being the most loving, caring, sincere family a girl could ever ask.

I am thankful for friends, old & new. To the old friends that I know I don't have enough time to connect one on one with each week, I thank you for everything you do for me. Maintaining friendships is very valuable to me. And to my new friends - what can I say? Life wasn't the same without them & I'm so glad that we have made this connection.

I am thankful for my job. With the recession right now how could I not be? Enough said.

And I am thankful for J. The more he tries, the more I try & just like Rome, this relationship won't be built in one day. Every day is something new for us & I thank him for his continued support, trust & love.

I was really looking for the one with the Thanksgiving pants, but didn't find it. This one is good, too.

Pregnant turkey

Tomorrow I am going to stuff my turkey with a Cornish game hen. Nothing like cutting open what appears to be a pregnant turkey, eh?

I can't take credit for this idea. John's sister called last night instructing us on how to impregnate our turkey. However, if you google pregnant turkey

this is what you get...

Apparently, it's been done before. Snort.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Tuesday's Ramblings

1. Someone thought it was a good idea to put me in charge of the turkey this year. I'm no pioneer woman, but I am going to try to inject a turkey with Cajun spices. Wish me luck.

2. My December is so busy I had to print out a blank calendar just to write down all my parties, visitors & other obligations. Let's not forget Christmas...

3. I am actually enjoying watching TV in the evenings. I haven't watched television in a few years because it's what normal people do. Does this mean I'm now normal?

4. I'm about to go 5 days kid free. I'm not sure I can handle this. (but willing to give it a try, anyways)

5. I want a nap.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Guess what? Random thought #1,234 of the day.

You don't need a message board to stay connected to your friends. Yep, that's right. Real friends find you no matter where you hang your hat.

And I hang mine here. At my very own place... With my own thoughts... And good luck trying to talk back to me here. Snort.

All hail the infamous phrase from Mom Jeans -

"I don't need a fucking message board!"

Speaking of MJ. Where is that girl?!


Learn from your mistakes. Just sayin'.

Lola's scientific experiment

I told J the topic of my blog today right after he made this comment to me last night.

"I wish you just got a period instead of acting like this for 3 days."

It actually made me laugh. Hard. And after a lice infested weekend I needed the laugh. (and the orgasm, thanks)

According to J, once a month for about 3 days I doubt our entire relationship. And instead of doing that he would prefer I just got a period like any other "normal" female. (I never had my IUD removed so no period.)

So, I'm going to do my very own scientific experiment on myself, of course. I will have my IUD removed. I will go without birth control of any type. (J is free to use condoms, but I see EPIC FAIL written all over that!) And we'll just see how much J enjoys me having a period every month.*

Have I told y'all that I love this man?

I do.

I really, really do. Because even on our worst days (or weekends) we are still very lucky to have each other.

*I'll probably get knocked up in about 3 months. And, I'm only giving it 3 months because we don't engage daily anymore. So, since we can't even keep the children we have lice free I'm going to postpone this experiment.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

I never blog on Sundays.

Usually because I have something more constructive to do. But, I needed to kill a few minutes while I wait on clients.

So here I am.

Guess what?

The lice have returned. Yeah. That sucks. Luckily Thing 1 & Thing 2 are clear, again, but do you know how hard it is to monitor this shit? The triplets share everything. Sigh. Let's just hope the twins stay clear or I'm going to probably rip my own hair out. Sheer insanity I tell you. I tried hard to make friends with the little guys as I picked Lavagirl & The Boy's hair last night. I just told them to please go away & that we don't need anymore pets right now.

This fun weekend has been anything but fun. Everyone is annoyed, aggravated & in a crank-ass mood. I'm not sure what's bothering everyone, but I have a feeling being cramped up in this little house all weekend MAY have something to do with it.

Happy Sunday. Weeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Desperate times call for desperate measures.

It's almost too depressing to watch the news these days in this economic slump. It's affecting corporations, the housing market & small business & every time you turn around someone is being laid off or going bankrupt! Well guess what? Our country's economic struggles have affected me, as well.

J & I were forced to lay off the maid. However, we are selfishly keeping the babysitter.

I am sticking my middle finger to the world.

You tube. It makes it all better.

I dedicate this song to my favorite person in the world. Me.


I'm not really angry or pissed off, only slightly annoyed. But, I do feel like a rock star & so...

Thursday, November 20, 2008

The Boy turns 11.

Today is the Boy's 11th birthday. I was only 20 when he was born. That's so weird. I can't even imagine having a child at 20, but if I did, I would pick him. He is my perfect son.

I bought him clothes for his birthday. And he's going to love that. He's 11 & appreciates Nordstrom's Rack.

See? We couldn't be more of a better fit, the Boy & I.

Simply functional.

This blog is brought to you by the word function.

func⋅tion [fuhngk-shuhn] –noun

1. the kind of action or activity proper to a person, thing, or institution; the purpose for which something is designed or exists; role.
2. any ceremonious public or social gathering or occasion.
3. Mathematics.
a. Also called correspondence, map, mapping, transformation. a relation between two sets in which one element of the second set is assigned to each element of the first set, as the expression y = x2; operator.
b. Also called multiple-value function. a relation between two sets in which two or more elements of the second set are assigned to each element of the first set, as y2 = x2, which assigns to every x the two values y = +x and y = −x.
c. a set of ordered pairs in which none of the first elements of the pairs appears twice.

1. The following is a list of functions I assume on a daily basis*. I am a mother, stepmother, girlfriend, sister, lover, ex-wife, friend, butt-wiper, chef, chauffeur, maid, school volunteer, employee, story teller & of course, a princess**.

2. This morning I went to a function at the twins' elementary school. It was a Thankgsiving luncheon/program. It was amusing when one of the mom's asked me if I had received anything new since she last saw me at Chuck-E-Cheese (aka: Up Chucks). She was, of course, referring to my engagement ring which she said she could see all the way from the other side of the classroom. I guess it's pretty bling.

3. And last night I tried to help the Boy with his math homework. We were doing functions. The Boy forgot his math book & since I haven't had a 5th grade math lesson in 20 years. It was EPIC FAIL.

* I am not limited to just these specific functions. I have the right to assume any function because this is my life. Get your own function(s).

** My daughters' think I am a princess therefore I must be.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Sorry girls.

Your mom just can't stop.


Lola Starr, this is your life.

This made me snort a little.

"Wait around & I'll smile again."

I heard this song this morning. You know it's going to be a deep blog when I start out with a song. Snort!

I never realized how fucking insane my life used to be until I sat here typing this blog. I've tried really hard to erase the past year & a half from my life. Seriously. And, after more than a year of not talking about this chapter of my life I am ready to actually share my side of what truly was the destructive period of my life - in a 3 part series, of course!

The Truth:

About four years ago I met a girl. We became fast friends. I truly enjoyed her company, her existence & her presence in my life. Well, friendship turned in to attraction turned in to fatal attraction. Nah, she didn't boil my bunny. But after juggling our one sided friendship for months she decided to cut me out of her life. Think middle school - name calling, team rallying & all that other 6th grade stupid shit. She convinced everyone, including me, that it was MY fault that we weren't friends any more. It's just not normal to be able to manipulate people so well. But she did it then & she did it again.

We went our separate ways for not even a year & then in July 2007 she came back in to my life. And our relationship evolved rather quickly in to "more than friends". We literally spent like almost every waking hour together aside from the usual children, husband & work obligations. She quickly filled the void that my husband had left me & I had these two people who equaled one seemingly, perfect relationship.

The Consequences:

Then things got tricky. Not only did I fall in love with her, but shortly after that her husband found out about our affair. And he went ape shit, naturally. We were no longer allowed to see each other & I put up with threats & accusations while essentially being solely blamed for the entire situation. Of course it was all my fault she fell in love with me & had an affair on her husband, right? I should have just ended it there, but she strung me along with promises she certainly had no intention of ever keeping. She didn't want to lose me, but couldn't see me. She loved me, but couldn't leave her husband at that time. She wanted me to just sit & wait for my happy ending, patiently.

I couldn't eat. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't breathe. Essentially, I lost about five months of my life that I will never get back. We communicated daily via youtube'ing songs back & forth on a message board since she couldn't talk to me. The last time two times I saw her were in secret from her husband. We met a mutual friend's house on Mother's Day. I don't remember what she said, but what I heard was that she loved me & wanted to be with me, but she needed a few years to put that plan in to action. Then a few weeks later she stopped by my house after a function briefly & basically said the same thing only this time she didn't want me to put my life on hold for her. And, I finally woke up after all of those months of nothing, but static.

The Aftermath:

I ended up leaving my husband. Not only because I had an affair on him for over a year (mentally & physically), but because if I could care that much about another person I obviously did not love him. It was a hard lesson for me to learn & a tough pill for him to swallow.

It was all just a horrible nightmare, but I'm glad I finally woke up. Destruction does not equal love.

"Shouldn't be so complicated."

Almost one year since her husband found out about our affair & we stopped talking like normal people plus many months of therapy later I am ready to stop blaming her for my inadequacies in my current relationship. I am bent. I am scared. I am afraid I'll never be put back together. J constantly has to "break me in". I'm not used to a completely functional, loving, committed relationship & some days I do everything I can to create the destruction that I had become so accustomed.

Fuck that.

I deserve the happiness I have found. I deserve to have someone so wonderful, so loving & so beautiful in my life. And I deserve to enjoy all of it without hesitation. And that's what I'm going to do from now on.

"Wait around & I'll smile again."

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

I am not a miserable bitch.

I am not a miserable bitch.
I am not a miserable bitch.
I am not a miserable bitch.
I am not a miserable bitch.
I am not a miserable bitch.
I am not a miserable bitch.
I am not a miserable bitch.
I am not a miserable bitch.
I am not a miserable bitch.
I will be happy, again.
I am not a miserable bitch.
I am not a miserable bitch.
I am not a miserable bitch.
I am not a miserable bitch.
I am not a miserable bitch.
I am not a miserable bitch.
I am not a miserable bitch.

If you type something out enough times you may start to believe it.

Monday, November 17, 2008


I have gained 4lbs.


And I have a headache.

I'm so over it.

I don't know if I should go to the gym or go get a drink after work.

Once you are annoyed, you stay annoyed.

Oh boy.

Am I ever just annoyed.

J had this luncheon today. He's been making a huge deal out of it since last week. He even highly stressed out about what he was going to wear to this thing it was so important. He obviously wants to look good for someone. Snort.

It's almost like he's been rubbing it in my face that he's going & I'm not.

When you are annoyed, you stay annoyed.

So, he calls me from the luncheon (that last 4 hours?? Right) & tells about how nice & lovely this place is & that I should look it up online.


Then here's the punchline.

He tells me since there was an extra seat at his table he invited this guy from work.


This guy from work didn't even make our wedding list. He can't be that important to you, dude.

I'm so pissed I may not come home tonight. And I'm sure I'll get 1,000 excuses about why he couldn't take me & they'll all be just that. Excuses.

Pizza + Lockjaw = One UnORGASMIC Weekend

Thank you to my sister, Anita, for listening to me whine about this on my way to work. And thank you for helping me title this blog. Enough small talk. I'm going to just dive in to the topic at hand today.


Or lack of sex.


I'll be honest. (Maybe too honest) Sex is probably the most important thing to me in a relationship. I know, I sound shallow, but without great sex you got nothin'. At least if you are sexually dynamite in bed when you argue you know you'll at least get amazing make up sex in return. I thought I had that.

And then this weekend happened.


Back up just a month or so. J & I used to have sex nearly every day. It's just something I got used to & enjoyed tremendously about our relationship. We were so hot for each other. We used to talk about having sex all day & then BAM - have some of the most amazing sex I've ever dreamed about.

Now, it appears we're falling in to that old, married category. ALREADY. Dude, it's been 5 months. That's bullshit. I never want to be that couple. I won't be that couple. We have not been together long enough for us to have to resurrect our sex life. We don't need to spice things up. Things were already spicy. I don't even know how you go from this hot to this not. I'm absolutely stunned.

J & I had sex once last week. And maybe once the week before. We're talking 4-5x a week to ONCE?

And then the icing on the cake. This weekend. This kid free weekend where we had nothing else better to do than relax & just be totally hot for each other.


If I haven't mentioned, I'm pretty sore about this.

Friday night we went to dinner & shopping. Very low key. We came home. Nothing.


Saturday morning. Nothing.


Saturday night we slept in a $200 a night hotel, got all dressed up for a party & were supposed to have this fantastic evening out. Hmph. The most excited J got that evening was about a girl in a red dress hitting on him.

We can not be this couple. I can not deal with this.

Naturally after about 8 vodkas with a splash of soda water I get angry. This is why I don't drink liquor. Really. It does nothing for me.

J wants to leave & we go back to our hotel room. I'm wearing nothing except heels & a thong. NOTHING.

I think I went so far as to pick a fight about WHY he's not in to me anymore. (This totally reminds me of that Sex & the City episode - "He's just not that in to you...")


I gave him a 25 minute oral fixation.


For fuck's sake.

All he wanted was to order fucking pizza.

I remember when I used to be the MOST important thing to him. Now if it isn't pizza, it's folding laundry, or playing a video game, or watching CSI, etc, etc, etc.

It is now Monday. I have had no orgasms all weekend & I'm bitter about that.

Most people get married to experience the joys of a sex free relationship. Snort.

Maybe we'll just end up roommates? Double Snort.

Friday, November 14, 2008

Oh my fucking God, someone give me a wall to bash my head up against, STAT!

I am so frustrated, annoyed & I want to gouge my eyeballs out with a pencil.


Do you want to know what my problem is? I will ultimately sound stupid, I know.

J & I were invited to attend another Gala this weekend in Richmond by friends. We said yes.

And now, one day later we have spent the entire morning arguing about going.

I really want to go to this Gala. I mean any excuse to drink while wearing a formal gown, right? Yeah, you get it. We have come up with 100 excuses to not go & I can't really figure out why we would do that. I think we both really want to go. Insert scratch head smilie here.

Here are some of our lame attempts at blowing off the really fun, drinky, formal, Gala awesome time we could have tomorrow night.

1. J & I have a million things we could do around the house this weekend. My clothes are still in boxes, we have a mountain of laundry & the carpets upstairs need a good steam cleaning. Meh. How's that for a fun, kid free weekend?

2. We probably should not spend the money, but we don't budget so what does it matter anyways? (I'm being sarcastic here, btw)

3. The latest issue is that J's license is suspended, again. And he doesn't have time today to go take care of it because of work. And since business is slow for his company I don't think the Vice President should take the day off just to go get a license so he can take his girlfriend out of town tomorrow. Snort. He should probably go to work & get some clients so he can make some money! I dunno, I'm torn.

FOR FUCK'S SAKE, we deserve this. I have spent the past 3 hours in a pissy mood because a couple of 4 year olds traumatized me this morning over a pair of black leggings with silver stars. In my efforts to dress them differently I bought one child those leggings & the other child the red plaid leggings to go with the super cute penguin shirt. Sigh. NEVER AGAIN I TELL YOU. (Remember that I said that, mmmkay?)

The bottom line is this: I've confessed to complicating everything already in this blog. I know I do. But, damn, I think I've met my match. J is just like me only a boy. A really cute boy.

I'm still unsure of my fate for the weekend, but I'll let you all know how it pans out later.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

In loving memory of Melissa Lawson aka Mel aka Cherryfizz aka Cherry

Mel made me laugh. She was one of the most genuine online people I ever had the pleasure of knowing. She was beautiful, smart, funny & passionate. She was always so willing to help anyone & never expected anything in return. She was an amazing step mother & her world revolved around her family.

I went back to Hippymom today to say goodbye to her. I'm not sure she ever knew just how highly I thought of her. She will be missed.

Thursday Dedications

Youtube. My favorite.

For Anita, my favorite sister. (Ass kiss, much? Snort)

For J.

For Hurricane D

For MomJeans

For Myself

For J, again.

And I want you to know that he just sent me this IM at the exact time I was searching for that song on youtube.

J: i want to sex you up
Lola Starr: OMG
Lola Starr: OMG
Lola Starr: OMG
Lola Starr: Hilarious you just said that.
Lola Starr: I just youtubed that song for a dedication to you on my blog
Lola Starr: I think you're reading my mind
J: wow
J: thats a little scary

Great minds & all that.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Random Tuesday Thoughts

1. I had to double check the calendar to make sure it was Tuesday. It's not. It's Wednesday.

2. My engagement ring is too big. So when it starts to annoy me I put it on other random fingers. I've caught people staring at me doing that.

3. It's officially Wednesday according to my brain & I'm going out tonight. With J. And some friends. Damn, it's nice to have a sitter.

4. I'm really hating my job lately. Blah. Real Estate is so drab right now.

5. When my children tell me they want to go back to their dad's tonight I will not let it hurt my feelings. They are 4. They don't know any better. Yeah. Right.

6. I noticed my underarms today. They are really hairy. Ewwww.

7. Gingerbread lattes are so much better than Starbuck's new Gingersnap latte. Cry.

8. Tonight is a good night for sex.

9. I love my sister, Anita.

10. I realize it's gross to talk about sex in one line only to turn around & mention your sister in the next.

Pity Party of One.

Yep. I'm pitiful this morning. I'm feeling very sorry for myself, in deed. Sigh.

The girls & I had a rough morning. I'm not a morning person AT ALL. Before this school year we all woke up around 8am. I had them to school at 9:15 & I was in to the office work by 9:30. It was cake. This year I have to get up at 6:30 & they get up at 6:45 so that we can be out the door by 7:15 & to school by 7:45. Wugh.

Since last night was fundraiser night at Up Chuck E Cheese for the elementary they attend we got home a little late. They didn't get in to bed until well after 8pm. Closer to 9, actually.

This morning was a nightmare. They were tired, whiny, didn't want to wear the only weather appropriate outfit I could find, one pair of jeans was too tight & I had to find something else last minute, one child couldn't find her head band & pitched a kick fit right on her bedroom floor. Cry. It was pretty bad. So, instinctively I yelled, I spanked & I threw a big ol' fucking hissy fit right back at them.

Now, I feel a) stupid & b) sorry for myself.

Essentially I've been dealing with these two for 4 1/2 years by myself even though I was married for a great portion of that time span. My ex was always working. So, I either was home all day & all night with the girls or I was working all day & then home with them all night. (nights are so much more difficult than days... with the exception of mornings.)

All that I have ever wanted in life is an equal partner. And honestly, I'll never get that. Their dad is great, but he keeps them from 12-4 by himself 3-5x a week. I mean, really, that requires very little effort on his part. He gets to be the fun dad & just hang out with them for a few hours. He even gets a nap option if he chooses to take it! I get them up in the mornings, I get them to school which isn't close, I pick them up after work at his house which is not close, I feed them dinner, I bathe them (okay, well J has taken over that role & I'm so grateful!!) & I get them in bed while getting EVERYTHING ready for school the next day.

The point is that even though moms need breaks, they also deserve help from their spouse, ex-spouse, whatever. I'm tired of all the driving I do that my ex doesn't. I drive out of my way TWO TIMES A DAY to get my kids. And I do it in rush hour traffic both times. We will never get home before 6pm. And you know what? That fucking sucks. I'm tired of being the girls' punching bag every morning. I'm tired of starting out my days in a pissed off fucking mood. And I hate yelling at my tired children every morning to brush their teeth & put their jackets on because we're going to be late.

The kicker? I drive them to school every day & it's mid November. We haven't been late once! (Yes, I want a fucking cookie for that. I'm always late!)

Most everyone I know thinks my life is so damn peachy. Well, if you read what I wrote you'd know it isn't always.

/end whine

My ex is my ex for a reason & I am a better person because of everything I endure. Yadda yadda yadda. I am also very grateful for what I do have. And last night at Up Chuck's a mother in Annie's class came up to me & asked me what was up with EX HUSBAND'S hair. I casually mentioned that he & I were divorced & that his hair is no longer my concern. Snort.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Lola straps on a set.

Saturday night J & I hired a babysitter. It was such a big deal to us because neither one of us had ever left our children with anyone other than friends or family. Well, there comes a time in every parent's life when your need to go out for a little romantic dinner sans children overcomes your fear of leaving your children home alone with an almost complete stranger.

Naturally, we did interview her & she came to meet the kids earlier in the week.

But still.

Reasonably, we have a 10 year old with a cell phone so if she ended up being a serial killer he may have had time to call us & we may have made it home fast enough to rescue them all.

I should write fiction.

So, J & I went to this Moroccan restaurant. They had a live belly dancer & she was hot. J actually got up & danced with her. I was kinda hoping he'd get her number.


After dinner we decided to head up to the bar with some of J's siblings. J has like 10 siblings. It's a little insane. Anyways, J & I only really have about an hour before we need to go relieve the babysitter who had plans to go out after babysitting. At 15 bucks an hour she was sure making enough money for a premium beer night! J's sister brought her sister-in-law who is a 130lb great white shark, only cuter. She's the one I arm wrestled & lost to TWICE at the family function last month.

Did I mention that I think her teeth are sharper than Freddy Krueger's knife finger blades?

She bites, dude. And when I drink I seem to grow a big pair of brass balls. And tonight was no different. She was fucking around with me & called me chubby. I knew she was kidding & I do outweigh her by about 28lbs. I took this as an invitation to fuck around with her right back. So, we moved on to talking about the fact that I would love a live in nanny to help me with my four kids. And she casually said she may be moving here soon & would love the job.

My brass balls came out swingin'.

"Why would I let you be my nanny? You'd just teach my kids to be assholes!"

This is where my brass balls knocked right in to each other! I started bleeding. And you know how sharks feel about blood.

I think she got pissed at me for my remark, but it was hard to tell. She did walk away to the next table, but she was so cute & smiley. After a few minutes of pretending like she couldn't believe that I had just called her out, I pulled out my big guns. Snort. I started shamelessly flirting with her. And just when I was about to give up she came & stood next to me at the bar & waited with me to get another beer. She told me how she tried to hate me, but that I was just too damned charming! Now I thought for sure she wasn't going to body slam me in the parking lot later. Whew.

Just as I'm thinking that I'm scoring another decade on to my life J tells me, in fact, that Shark Girl & her friends were talking smack about me for what I had done. J was a little drinky, too. Drinky people make up shit...

Well, as J & I started turning in to pumpkins (read: drinky parents who had to go home to pay the babysitter) we got ready to leave. The last thing Shark Girl said to me was, "Get my number from J's sister & let's get together some time when I move up here."

I think she liked my balls.

Friday, November 7, 2008

Quick, no title, just words!

Last night I went to the gym for the first time in like 3 weeks. My body is so grateful! Well, I've become really good friends with one of my instructors over the past year. Her & I went to dinner last week & she confided in me that her marriage was failing & that she had emotionally checked out. Gee, sound familiar?

I am a good friend, so gave her a consultation at no charge. And when she was finished I looked at her & gave my standard recommendation to those suffering in an unhappy marriage, "If you aren't in love with your spouse then the marriage will never be emotionally satisfying for you." Seriously, you either stay married in misery because of x,y,z excuse or you tear down the relationship & start rebuilding your life. We control our own happiness & you can't expect someone else to do it for you.

Naturally, I come across as a know-it-all on this subject & not every circumstance is the same, but I've lived through this. And so therefore, I'm a self-proclaimed genius on the topic. Snort.

My very wise & very well paid therapist once said something to me worth sharing to the masses. If you don't unstick yourself from your molasses mess you'll never make it to your candy castle. Well, she didn't say it exactly like that & I've been known to make many Candyland references in my blogs.

On another note if I ever get my white kitten I will name her Queen Frostine & call her Frosty for short. Thank you & have a nice day.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Little wonders

I am one of those who believes in fate. In signs. In returns from the Universe. These are the moments that help create what ultimately becomes our life. And with twists & turns of fate we sometimes follow a path that was absolutely blocked previously. And it amuses me how I am following that path now.

I realize you have no idea what the fuck I'm talking about.

Dwight Yoakam sums it up for me best, "Baby, things change." Seriously, I have a song for everything. I do love that about me.

Anyways, I've been doing some self reflecting lately. Last year I was drowning at an astonishingly rapid rate & as a result I crawled back inside my shell. (Lovely Cancer reference, there) I'm coming out slowly, but surely. But this time I want to make sure the tide isn't right in front of me ready to suck me back out to sea.

I've come so far from living in that soul sucking nightmare that used to be my life. Have you ever had an emotional vampire? Try having a few of them. Wugh. I never saw any "happy ending" in sight. And that's probably because I was looking. And I know how cliché it sounds to say it, but I'll tell you anyways. When I stopped looking I found it.

And because eventually J will read this I just want him to know that I am so grateful for him. Hearts everywhere.

Click here for more information on those pesky emotional vampires.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Waiting on the world to change.

First of all, congratulations to Barack Obama. I stayed awake last night as long as possible & I did miss his speech. I am about to spend some quality time with youtube right after I browse Coach purses. Unfortunately, the one I fell in love with in Texas is not easily located here except Nordstrom & it's over $400. Somehow, I doubt I am entitled to that much prize for calling an election that I think J already knew the outcome.

Anyways, I'm proud of the Commonwealth of Virginia for turning blue. I think that's a huge deal! Next, we'll work on Texas...

I'm making my way through the speech. Malia & Sasha both deserve that puppy!!

So, this monumental day also falls on the anniversary of my mom's death. She has now been gone for 9 years & I can hardly believe it. It all seems like yesterday to me. My mother was in a coma for 13 days before she passed & every day when I was at the hospital I would put the headphones to my portable CD player on her & play track #1 of BW Stevenson's Greatest Hits. That song was, yep, "My Maria".

My boss just called. She said, "So, we have a new President." She sounded a bit disgruntled. I'm pretty sure she voted for McCain.

I've now finished the speech & Obama God blessed me. Twitch. Well, after some contemplation I think I'll just suck it up & walk around today feeling blessed.

I guess we don't have to wait so much.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

If you want something done right

you have to do it yourself.

Another one of life's lessons learned the hard way. I am annoyed.

So, I jumped the gun & moved to his house. Before my stuff can even fit in I have to de-clutter his house. That's going to take me a while. I'm only one girl. Little by little I clean out cabinets, drawers & entire rooms making space for his stuff & mine. It's probably one of the biggest projects I have ever tackled. And you know what? I don't really mind because EVERYONE will benefit from this.

I get that J appreciates it. But, I always feel like no matter what or how I go about it I'm the annoying, self-righteous, clean freak of a bitch that is taking over his house. I don't want to annoy him, but I have to have certain things, certain ways. We are running a household of SIX now & that's twice as big as what we were dealt. And, we are doing it & it's going great, but every once in a while I have to stop & think about what exactly is important to ME. Because I know what is important to him. I know what is important to all four children - each one with very different opinions on the subject.

What is important to Lola, you ask? I want a place to belong. I want all of my stuff in once place. I don't want some stuff in a condo, some in a storage unit & some in a foreign place I now call home. I want more than one drawer for my clothes. I want to be able to hang up pictures of my children on the wall. I want to come home & pick up the house before I relax. I want my children to have their own space, with their own things & be able to enjoy their own room. I don't want to wait 2, 3, 5 weeks for it, either. The transition to them is what matters most to me & so, I want to do all I can to ensure they feel welcome. And sometimes I need some help in that & I want someone who is ready, willing & able to do that.

There. That's my demand list. Call me stupid, call me crazy, call me ridiculous. Just don't forget that these are things important to ME & therefore they are important.

Happy Election Day

I know I'm not the only person who feels a huge sense of pride when I walk out of the polls after voting. I love Election Day. I have since I was 18 years old & I voted in a state election for the first time. My first presidential election was the year 2000. (In 1996 I did not vote because I was away at school. Dumb, huh) I voted for Gore & living in Texas my vote didn't mean jack. And even though Gore won, Bush was elected & the rest is history.

In 2004 I voted for Kerry. It wasn't because I liked him so well, but he was the anti-Bush. No luck, there.

This year I voted & I took the twins. Four years ago when they were about 10 months old my ex & I took them to the polls. Naturally, they don't remember. This year I took them with me so they could experience voting. We sat at a table together one on each side of me. I had a paper ballot & I let them watch me fill it in while trying to explain to them what a country, President & voting all meant. We all got the "I VOTED" stickers & Annie cried to me about how she wants to vote. I told her she had 14 more years to go. Ha!

If the election goes my way I know someone who is going to get a new Coach purse! Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! And I know someone who is going to be out a few hundred dollars purchasing that for me. Wink.

Monday, November 3, 2008

I had a dream. (nightmare is more like it!)

I'm sitting here disconnecting my utilities as I write this. Gas off. Power off. Cable was disconnected last week due to non payment. I've been meaning to pay it, but it's hard to pay a bill for a service in a place you do not reside. I mean, really. The walls in don't need cable television! Even if it's basic...

I had a dream last night. I literally passed out from sheer exhaustion & I really don't think I woke up until the morning. I did A LOT of work yesterday.

So, my dream.


In my dream J's ex girlfriend, Aunt Helen, came back to live with us. He told me he didn't love her & that he loved me & the girls. I guess she just needed a place to stay?? Well, I called him out & told him that I had heard him telling her that he loved her & wanted to spend his life with HER. And when he confirmed what I already knew I had to figure out alternate living arrangements & he agreed. They were going to live together & be a family. I remember having to go to the playground where the girls were swinging & tell them. And then I remember trying to pack up the kitchen & being really frustrated because I had recently co-mingled all of our stuff. And I remember just being stuck.


What does this say about me? That I'm scared? That I'm just really vulnerable right now? That I've made a huge, huge mistake by giving up my condo because let's face it - shit happens?**

I think it's okay to be scared, but I don't want my fear to take away from all the love & happiness that's right in front of my face.

** Edited some days later. J pointed out to me that it looks like I was saying moving in with him was a huge, huge mistake. And it wasn't. So, I added the missing question mark.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

I could just crash right here on my laptop

What a whirlwind of a weekend.

Friday J & I took the twins trick or treating with his ex-wife, Lavagirl & the Boy. We had a nice time. It's weird how the ex & I can get along so well considering J has never even met my ex. But, the only thing awkward was the fact that I had on a pencil skirt & knee high boots. (I hadn't been home to change, yet)

Then J & I dropped the A's off at their aunt's house & had a date. YES, a fucking date. We went for Coronas, queso & then to see Saw V. Everything was awesome, except the movie. (Save your money...)

Saturday I woke up semi-early to head to the office for an hour. J brought me Starbucks. Heart, heart, heart. Then we were supposed to go to Leesburg to start packing when we got detoured with Panera, his sister, her husband & their adorable baby & the freaking outlet mall. I got a 200 dollar Guess winter coat for 67 bucks. What can I say? I'm a shop-a-holic! God, my coat is beautiful.

So after hours of shopping we decided to finally head to my condo. It took an hour to pack. Isn't that sad? Now, I have a closet of hanging clothes, a cabinet of dishes & the girls toys & dresser left, but FOR FUCK'S SAKE. AN HOUR? I obviously don't have enough cack. Har.

We came home & got ready for dinner. We went to Benihanas with the newlyweds. (Lola #2 & J's brother) Sister, husband & cute baby boy joined us. We drank 4 bottles of wine & ran up a 300 dollar tab. Saturday night was fun. I won't even mention the unmentionables. Tee hee hee.

This morning we were up by 8:30 when my movers called. They were early. FUCK! We hauled ass to Leesburg where we packed up stuff to take to our house & they took my furniture to storage. Isn't this blog boring? Well, it all worked out. I got my storage unit, J got a live in girlfriend & the girls' new room has ONE WALL PAINTED! J gave up after hand cramps & called the handyman to come finish it this week. Smart boy.

I have spent the entire day rearranging his kitchen to accommodate my belongings. I threw away 2 huge garbage bags full of... well, trash. I hung pictures, bathed Lavagirl, hung out with the boy & now I'm having wine & J is coming downstairs to probably inquire why I'm not up in the bed with him.

Okay, it wasn't J. It was the boy.

Oh, the A's are lice free. (I don't think they REALLY had anything, anyways) J spent an hour picking Lavagirl's hair tonight & the boy's lice is just about gone. I couldn't be happier about that. We're doing tea tree oil on Lavagirl tomorrow night!

Goodnight, Sassafrass. This girl is EXHAUSTED!

Friday, October 31, 2008

Well, it's official

I'm moving.


I have a sub-leaser, a storage unit & movers. I've only asked J 10 times if he 100% sure this is what he wants. He knows that once I release the condo that he's stuck with me. He's stuck with US. Insert paranoid face here.

I will no longer say, "I'll just go home" or make any more annoying references to the fact that I have my own place. Because let's face it - that bothers the shit out of him. Snort.

So, now I really am going to redesign his place to suit my needs. Our needs.

Wish me luck.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

A series of fortunate events

1. I asked the ex to talk to the girls about him, me & J. Some issues were coming up & he needed to sit down with them. The end result was that they were in great moods when I picked them up & that continued through the night. I think they received what they needed to from him & I'm grateful.

2. I went to happy hour with some girlfriends. I haven't gone out with my friends in a long time. There is never enough time, energy or babysitters for me in this life. Well, J made it all happen & I am very grateful that it was almost as important to HIM that I go enjoy some time alone as it was to me.

3. The Phillies won the World Series. Now, I'm an Astros fan, but Brad Lidge did play for the 'Stros. What can I say? I'm loyal.

4. I fell in love last night all over again. Seriously, a girl could get used to this.

5. Tomorrow is Halloween, my favorite holiday of the year!

6. I won the lottery.

Just kidding on that last one. Just checking to see if you were payin' attention.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

My Maria

It's that time of year.

This song means a lot to me. One day I'll explain.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Our louse-y experience

Yesterday I got the call from J.

The dreaded call.

"Lavagirl has lice."

Really? My sweet little Lavagirl? Well, okay, she had a note sent home 2 weeks ago from school about a kid in her class who has lice, but it's not like she shares hats with everybody.

BUT, she does share hats, brushes, pillows & Disney princess costumes with Thing 1 & Thing 2 so I immediately knew that they probably had it, too. And if the twins had it then naturally so does the Boy. And not to mention Mom Jeans & her twins who were visiting over the weekend PLUS the Boy's best friend who practically lives with us on the weekends.

I know what you are thinking.


Yes, those were my exact words. And then I maybe wanted to cry a little bit as my own head started to itch profusely.

Scratch. Scratch.

I had to call my ex & tell him that the girls probably had lice. He got pissed. Well, fuck it. The girls could have gotten lice anywhere. It's a fact of elementary school life. Then I had to call MJ. She wasn't really pissed which surprised me. Insert paranoid face here. She did have her girls checked at daycare & they were fine. Whew.

So, I call the pediatrician for treatment advice on my four kids. The list was extensive. I do what every good mom, step mom & girlfriend would do. I typed out the instructions & emailed them to J's ex-wife. This way when her babies come home tonight she will know to wash their bedding every night with hot water until our subsequent treatment next Monday. The end result is that once this is all done I'm taking her out for a drink & J gets kid duty. Snicker.

After the dinner dishes were done we had all the children at the dining room table for shampooing & nit picking. Blech. I may have gagged a little. After round one of shampooing & rinsing we went on to round two. Then after everyone was rinsed, shampooed, bathed, blow dried, changed, beds made & had a round of good night kisses I was absolutely, fucking positively exhausted.

It was only 9pm.

And then J & I did what every hot, sexy couple should experience together.

We combed lice shampoo through each other's hair.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Don't worry baby...

Saturday evening J & I attended a gala for Inova. (the healthcare system in Northern Virginia) I just want you to know that I spent the entire day stressed about attending. However, this was NOTHING like the wedding drama from a few months ago. J actually wanted me there with him. Snort.

Honestly, I'd never been to a gala before & I am pretty sure that I'd go back if invited. They have wine. Lots & lots of wine. An unlimited supply of it in fact. They also had a really nifty silent auction where I won ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. But hey, I did bid on the facial plastic surgery package. Fuck, who doesn't need a little microdermabrasion? I smiled & shook a lot of hands. I ate a positively delicious dinner next to an extremely important liver doctor. The ironic thing about that was the fact that my own mother had hepatitis & passed away shortly after a liver transplant. So, at least I was well educated his specialty. And I got to watch J receive tons of support & admiration from a lot of people. I was so proud of him.

The absolute best part of that night was hitting the dance floor with J while Brian Wilson sang old Beach Boys songs. If you've never actually been lucky enough to listen to him sing live then I really want you to consider tickets to his next concert.

And no, I'm not even kidding.