Friday, February 27, 2009

T - 26 hours

Until it's BIRTHDAY PARTY TIME! Yes, those of you who know me know that I throw stellar parties for my twins. We don't do a petting zoo or moon bounce (yard restrictions!) but I usually do something pretty special for them. Hell, it's an excuse to get all of my friends together in one spot!

So, this year we're doing a house party & we're having a balloon maker guy come. (the face painter I booked couldn't make it!)

This party has been stressful, though. We've spent a lot of time getting the house "ready" for guests. I guess marrying a man who owns his own general contracting business means that our home will always be a work in progress. And it's okay. Because the BIG HOLE in the living room is ALMOST patched up & that pretty much excites me.

Wake me up when everyone leaves, okay?

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Wednesday's Newsflash


And now you know.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Happy Birthday Thing 1 & Thing 2!


My little darlings are now 5. I can hardly believe it. They talk back, they have learned to fine tune their negotiation skills AND they are as beautiful as ever.

I am the luckiest mom in the world!

Monday, February 23, 2009

You should never blog when you are angry.

But, I am going to do it anyways.

This morning was rough. And it only got worse as I pulled in to the office. I'll skip to the main event.

J was going on about some days he was keeping his kids for his ex-wife. I was half paying attention since we just about keep them full-time right now anyways. She's one lucky mother. Snort.

Anyways, he mentioned having to go out of town for one day for a new job site he's building & how he was going to have her keep his kids on that morning since he didn't think I could get all 4 kids to school by myself.

What the fuck?

First of all, I've done it before. Second of all, fuck that. I don't think I've ever been so fucking insulted.

At least ASK if I want that break, but don't assume I can't fucking do it.

Because I can.

And I have.

And now I'm so pissed I can hardly see straight.

Happy fucking Monday.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Message Board Hell - Lola's Introduction

Chances are, if you are reading this blog right now, I know you from a message board.

And, if I don’t know you from a message board, I want to give you an ample warning -stay away from them, even if you are an extremely bored housewife. Trust me. You are probably better off joining a book club or bowling league. The drama associated with message boards may seem trivial, but it isn’t always just junior high school antics. It’s inevitable that when you click the SIGN ME UP HERE box that drama will ensue. Oh yes. It will.

From Twinstuff to Twinshock to Got Twinz?, Hippymoms to Sybermoms, Uptown Chicks to Cosmo Chicks, I have made my way across the message board map. And now I want to share my true experiences in message board hell.


So, these online communities get free publicity. Snort. Seriously, I’m not here to bash anyone or any site, only to recap some of my not-so- finest moments in hopes for some good blog entries. I have put my heart & soul in to many a message board only to leave the world of interactive posting extremely drained & with enough drama to write a book. And one day, I’m going to do just that.

What sparked this exhausting tale of cyber chaos was a very spontaneous question asked to me by one of my fans.

“Lola, how does it feel to be one of the most hated people online?”

It has definitely taken me some time to formulate my answer. Partly because I am crazy busy planning a birthday party, taking care of my 100 children, trying to get my business off the ground & keeping up with J’s sexual demands. Kidding! Well, at least about the last part. But seriously, the other reason is because it is a touchy subject for me. (I am a Cancer. We are very sensitive people. Para)

Anyways, about a year ago someone who I thought was an online friend called me a “piece of shit” publicly on a message board. To this day, that comment still stings. More than I care to admit. Over the years I’ve been pretty capable of just “sucking it up”, but that was a little more than I could get through my straw! On a lighter note, I’ve been called a dirty, grease ball for admitting to not washing my hair every day. (I am a proud every other day kinda girl!) I’ve been called an “asshat” probably more times than I changed my underwear last year. I’ve had pictures of me passed around through email & posted from board to board without my permission. (Yes, I should have known better to take a half naked picture posing with an online friend & expect it to not remain private, but for fuck’s sake!) I’ve been humiliated. I’ve been depressed. I’ve lost sleep. I’ve been stalked. I’m serious. But wait, it gets more intense.

I know a mother who had CPS called on her for posting something controversial in a private forum on a board. I’ve had an online friend fired from her job after a disgruntled message board member suspiciously called her employee. I’ve watched someone’s abortion become someone else’s big online joke. I’ve read about some atrocious parental mistakes & I’ve seen women raked over the coals for circumcising their sons. I’ve been guilty of some shit stomping, too, but putting “fucking up someone’s real life” on your daily to-do list just isn’t something I’ve made a priority. Unfortunately, there is no code of contact to being an internet jackass & so people do fucked up shit. And, no site I’ve ever been to has been an exception.

So, my name is Lola Starr & my story will follow. Eventually. Maybe when the kids go off to college…

Saturday, February 21, 2009

I finally got a cord thingie card reader for my camera.

Thank you, J.

Some pictures for your viewing pleasure...


A tale of message board history complete with dramatic interlude. I have been meaning to write this for YEARS & I've started the blog, but it'll have to come in mini-series fashion.

You won't want to miss it. The stories I will tell...

Other than that it's been a shit week. I lost some deals, was in major wisdom teeth pain (MARCH 12 - surgery) & just been a little down. But, I'm a trooper & I know I'll bounce right back up!

And the Thing 1 & Thing 2 turn FIVE on Tuesday.


I can hardly believe it. So, we're busy this weekend getting the house in order for the big party next weekend.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

A moment to clarify

Because my blog could be confusing.

The past few day's entries are NOT linked together. I'm not turning in to a basket case because I am having an affair or anything like that.

I would hate for someone to get the wrong idea.

I write randomly & sometimes it makes sense & often times it does not. But whatever. I'm Lola Starr & I just got a good hair cut this morning!


Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Talking to your blog is so much easier than talking to your partner.

I'm tired of explaining what is wrong with me to have it blanketed by what is wrong with you. When something bothers me physically, suddenly you don't feel well. And, when I am hugely concerned about an important issue, you just shrug it off. Even if it is a legitimate concern. And, when I don't respond to you, I am just emotionally checking out. And, when I don't let you in, it is suddenly because I don't love you.

Do you realize what the issue is?

This is about ME. Not YOU. And every single time you say something like the above to me it hurts. And the more hurt I am, the more I'm going to shut down. This is not a good cycle for us to start. I can promise you that basket-case Lola isn't pretty. I've been there, done that & got the t-shirt. It says, "MOST of 2008 SUCKED!"

I know you are trying to help, but what I need from you is emotional availability. In the past, I've very rarely ever had it from a partner. And, unfortunately, I am an emotional needy person & so, I need you.

And like, now.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

46 clues your partner is having an affair.

This article is strangely funny.

From ezine articles.

Some of these signs of a cheating spouse are "tongue in cheek" while others are tell tale signs that commonly appear with a cheating husband or cheating wife. There is no copyright. Feel free to forward to those who might be interested. But please don't change anything.

Signs of a Cheating Spouse:

1) You find birth-control pills in her medicine cabinet, and you've had a vasectomy.

2) Mutual friends start acting strangely toward you. (They either know about the cheating or have been told stories about what a horrible wife or girlfriend you are.)

3) Your cheating husband or wife stops confiding in you and seeking advice from you.

4) Sets up a new e-mail account and doesn't tell you about it.

5) He leaves the house in the morning smelling like Irish Spring and returns in the evening smelling like Safeguard.

6) She joins the gym and begins a rigorous workout program.

7) She buys a cell phone and doesn't let you know.

8) He sets up a separate cell phone account that is billed to his office.

9) The cheating husband carries condoms, and you are on the pill.

10) Begins to delete all incoming phone calls from the caller ID.

11) Deletes all incoming e-mails when they used to accumulate.

12) He becomes "accusatory," asking if you are being true to him, usually out of guilt.

13) Raises hypothetical questions such as, "Do you think it's possible to love more than one person at a time?"

14) He buys himself new underwear.

15) He insists the child seat, toys, etc., are kept out of his car.

16) The cheating wife stops wearing her wedding ring.

17) Has a sudden desire to be helpful with the laundry.

18) Has unexplained scratches or bruises on his or her neck or back.

19) Suddenly wants to try new love techniques.

20) He/she fairly suddenly stops having sex with you.

21) He/she suddenly wants more sex, more often.

22) Supposedly works a lot of overtime, but it never shows up on the pay stub.

23) Picks fights in order to stomp out of the house.

24) You find out by accident he or she took vacation day or personal time off from work - but supposedly worked on those days.

25) Shows a sudden interest in a different type of music.

26) Spouse's co-workers are uncomfortable in your presence.

27) Has a sudden preoccupation with his or her appearance.

28) Spends an excessive amount of time on the computer, especially after you have gone to bed.

29) He throws up a lot because he just ate at his mistress's house and had to eat the dinner you prepared when he got home.

30) Your spouse is away from home, either nights or on trips, more than previously.

31) His/her clothes smell of an unfamiliar perfume or after-shave. You see lipstick on your husband's shirt.

32) The amount of money being deposited into your checking account drops off.

33) You find items of intimate apparel or other small gift-type items that you did not give your spouse.

34) Your spouse seems less comfortable around you and is "touchy" and easily moved to anger.

35) You get calls where the caller hangs up when he or she hears your voice.

36) He/she loses attention in the activities in the home.

37) Your intuition (gut feeling) tells you that something is not right.

38) He/she has a definite change in attitude towards everyone in the home.

39) She uses a low voice or whisper on the phone or hangs up quickly.

40) She has a "glow" about her.

41) Atypical erratic behavior.

42) He sneaks out of the house.

43) She sleeps with her purse by the bed.

44) She goes to the store for groceries and comes home 5 hours later.

45) He tells you that you can get hold of him at a different telephone number.

46) The telltale sign of a cheating spouse? Having to ask that question in the first place.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Lola's Teeth of Wisdom

I'm 31 & still have my wisdom teeth. I think it's pretty remarkable, except now they are killing me & I can't seem to focus on anything except these infected gums.

Gross, huh?

I saw Dr. Floss Nazi the other day & she recommended, again, that I have them removed. And this time I am. Every 3-4 weeks one of these lovely teeth gets infected, creating mucho pain-o!

Friday I'm going in for a consultation to have them removed. Wish me luck. I fear the extraction, but welcome the pain killers.

Oh & check out the pano of my teeth. Sexy, eh?

PS - these teeth have NOT made me any wiser... that is fo' sho'.

What's in a last name?

I'm redoing my business cards right now while eating my hummus & pita chips. As I'm scrolling through my choices I'm thinking about what last name to use on my cards.

I could use my married name.
I could use my maiden name.
I could use my soon to be married name.

But instead, I think I'm just going to be Lola, no last name. It worked well for Madonna.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Lola's Valentine's Day

1. Don't ever give your kids boxes of Nerds. You will find them all over your house... under the couch, behind the chair, in the toilet (??), scattered from one end of your house to the next.

2. Take your children to the indoor pool. Why? Because that is where J & I had our 2nd date... with our children. Who says the stench of heavy chlorine isn't romantic?

3. Exchange cards.

4. Be grateful that you have the best babysitter, ever.

5. Savor your 9oz filet mignon & your 4 glasses of wine in an upscale, swanky place where everyone knows your boyfriend & his bazillionaire Grandfather.

6. And lastly, enjoy playing Rock Band together sans children. What a better way to say, "I love you!"

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Valentine's Day at school... times FOUR

I just finished writing out Valentine's for FOUR classes for my FOUR kids.

And, my hand hurts.

Just sayin'.

Nothing a little ROCK BAND won't cure, eh?

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

I love you & your boobies.

Thanks J, for making my morning. Really, thanks!

Really, the purpose of this Tues morning blog was to let you all know that I'm exhausted & I worked until 9pm last night & I'm not quite sure I sold a house.


Chasing the all mighty dollar.

Until next time.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Lola gets a manicure

I haven't had one in years. Seriously. I take care of my feet & my brows, but I neglect my hands. Well, I did. Until yesterday.

I have a horrible blood blister on my big toe so I didn't really want to take off my shoes & socks to get a pedicure yesterday. I desperately needed my brows done & usually they try to sell you another service... upper lip wax? pedicure? massage? Well, I took the manicure.

You want to know why?

When I was home in Texas my Nana was looking at my gorgeous engagement ring & she told me that to wear a ring like that I needed a manicure.

A month later, I took her advice.

Friday, February 6, 2009

Rock Band Party - Sat night

I'm pretty sure you won't want to miss our Rock Band party Sat night. J & I decided to have beer, food & Rock Band 1 & 2 for all of our friends to enjoy.

I'm about to go plan my menu!


Thursday, February 5, 2009

Did you just completely tune someone out

but not really on purpose?

I'm just in my zone. I'm enjoying my peace & quiet, but the Boy is continually talking to me. About nothing, really.

I'm looking up from from my blogging with minimal glances of interest.

But he converses on & on & on...


Excuse me, miss.

Last night the Hotties, Weiner, J, Slurpie & a random bouncer from the Dock (bar we hang out at) went to play pool & sing karaoke.

I shouldn't ever really sing karaoke. I know I think I can sing, but when I'm drunk, I really can hardly carry a tune.

If I am going to sing I should probably just do it at home with my microphone & my Rock Band. Alone. Or with minimal audience...

But, Hottie #2 & I sang "I Touch Myself", anyways.

That isn't even the most hilarious part of last night. When the gang all gets together it's inevitable something is gonna happen that's blog-worthy & last night was no exception!

We're all sitting at our table when this girl walks by & starts talking to Hottie #2, aka But, I'm a Cheerleader! I love that movie. The girl looks at me & says, "I know you from somewhere." And, she does, because I know her, too. But, for the drunken life of me I can't figure it out & neither can she. She enters the karaoke contest & is actually quite good. The night goes on & we go through the past 6 years of our lives attempting to figure out HOW WE KNOW EACH OTHER.

I start doing shots. Why the fuck not?

The night goes on & neither one of us can pinpoint our familiarity. But, we are having so much fun together it doesn't matter. She even got up & sang with me...

What was that shot we did last night, Hottie #2? It was good!

J & I go home, have some hot lovin' & get in bed. This morning I woke up & while I was peeing I figured it out...

She was my next door neighbor for 2 years.


And, what's even funnier is that it's only been 1 1/2 years since we lived next door, our children played together & her mother peed on my front steps, but it's amazing what a sober mind can figure out.


Lola gets a life. Part 1.

It's true. I'm busy. I forgot just how cush my job was before now that I'm just a Real-TOR. Have you see the commercial where they put a heavy, stupid emphasis on the TOR part of Realtor? It's lame!

Anyways. My last company let me go because the broker was asked to leave & I am on her team. Scott MacDumbass is, well, a dumbass. I was already going to leave the company, but we all decided it would be funnier to see if he would keep me. And two days after the company email blast announcement that my boss was leaving was sent, I called MacDumbass & told him I planned on staying. He was so concerned about what I was going to do he kept asking my boss.

He's a douche bag. He was too chicken shit to call me himself.

Anyways, I'm on a tangent.

So, it became official that I was leaving that company & following my entire office (yes, everyone left!) & joined my new company. So, in my first week of just selling houses I have six really good leads. This is five more than I had last month. I'm quite proud, but with this big office move I HAVE BEEN SO FREAKING BUSY. So, I've hardly sat still for 2 weeks.

But, I love it.

And now I'm off to a Listing Panel presentation & I will come back later.

Monday, February 2, 2009

Rock out, with your cock out!

I am the proud owner of Rock Band 2. People, it's like Rock Band on CRACK! First of all, the instruments are wireless. And, if you know me & my OCD ways you would know that all those wires clutter my living room & drive me bonkers.

So, problem solved.

After playing for 2 1/2 hours yesterday with my future step son & his cousin, I have mastered the vocals on My Own Worst Enemy. 100% on Hard, baby.

No shit.

I cannot hardly wait to sing Chop Suey. Seriously.