Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Bow chicka bow bow

Sunday morning, I grabbed my laptop charger out of my briefcase & opened my computer. The first thing I see is a huge nut sack courtesy pornhub. I laugh. Outloud.

The night before the Boy had called me asking where my charger was to my laptop & I couldn't remember what I had done with it, so I told him just to use the other laptop. Now, I see the urgency in the request. The laptop had apparently died mid video.

I went inside, laptop in hand, & directed my question at the two teenage boys on my couch.

"Which one of you was looking at porn last night?"

I fully knew it was the Boy. His friend was babysitting the night before & was not here. The Boy was embarrassed. And, I just laughed.

When I called J to report the news, he was shocked. Not that his son had been watching porn, but that I had called him out in front of his friend.

I'm not stupid. I know they've seen porn together on MY laptop. How do I know this? I check the history & although they delete from the tool bar, my cache is dirty with cock & balls. I look at porn on occasion, but I know to delete EVERYTHING. Snort. Plus, I prefer girl/girl so no cock & balls necessary.

What does a parent do in this situation? My sister said it best. You have to teach your child that sex leads to viruses & virtual sex leads to viruses. So, either way you will infect something with an STD.

I guess it's time to buy him a Playboy magazine or something. I'm all about promoting self "love".

Monday, September 20, 2010

It's random, I promise.

Is it sad that my biggest debate this morning is whether or not I want to take an Adderall because I only slept 2 hours last night. No wonder my friend who gave them to me also is prescribed Ambien.

Last night a Redskins coach bought Hottie #2 & I a drink. I was wearing a Cowboys t-shirt. So, did he think I was a MILF or did he just feel sorry for me? (Cowboys, 0-2)

I have to go to Walmart today. I was just introduced to Perhaps I'll dress up like Madonna circa the "Like a Virgin" era & see what happens.

It's 10:00am, do you know where my dog is?

Have a great Monday.

Go to bed, Lola.

It's a typical kid-free weekend in the hizzle & come Sunday, I am wiped out. Hang on Friday night with neighbors around a bonfire on my new patio. (J worked really hard on it this week & is very proud) Saturday we call for reinforcements & hit up the Irish Pub complete with Irish car bombs, DJ, ice luge, one Deleware friend celebrating her birthday, Hottie #2 & company & decided it was smart to just call the cab on the way there & the way home. Why bother with having to go get your car the next day? It was that kinda night. I should blog about it & I will. You know, you know, you've read it.

When I have more spare time. I still haven't told ya'll all the fabulous wedding details.

One thing at

a time. Blogs are like accidents. They just happen when you weren't expecting it. And, tonight it's all about this blog.

Today was a typical lazy, kid-free, hungover type day. Except, Hottie #2 had invited me to hang out to watch the football game & let our dogs play. (they are besties, too. It's cute) J doesn't want to go because he is tired & we've just left a one year old's birthday party. I took one for the team & just went. It's 8pm & bed sounds great. Well, now it's 2:30am & bed is great, but I have a blog to write.

It's about relationships, friendships & assholes.

Hottie #2 is what I typically call my "ultimate single girlfriend". Which, after tonight, I will revise. It isn't because she's unavailable, because she is still single. But, I realized tonight that perhaps not everyone takes glory in the fact they are single. Hottie #2 basically & for lack of better words got dumped last week by a guy she had been dating happily for 3 months. I know, what you're thinking... how bad could it be after only 3 months. She'll get over it.

And, she will. But, it basically was one of those, "It's not you, it's me" type situations. And, she really doesn't know how, why or what the fuck just happened there. Over the years I've met quite a few of the guys she has dated & when I met him, he just struck me as THE ONE. Not the one she'll necessarily marry, but the one who isn't going to dick her over. I've never really seen one girl get screwed over by as many guys as she has. Everyone she meets is too needy, too clingy, stupid (sorry Troy), thinks they are too cool, just wants to fuck... blah blah blah. You name it, I've seen it.

Now, if you are going to say if a girl with a Masters degree, no extra baggage (and by that I mean ex-husbands/kids), sweet, beautiful, amazing listener, fun & just the perfect candidate for a suitable, non psychotic mate can't hold a boyfriend that it just must be her, you are wrong. (her banging body doesn't hurt, either) At one point, I possibly thought maybe she was just too picky with guys, but after this latest douche, I realized something. That is not the case.

So, tonight was not really about football in case you were wondering. I wore my Cowboys tshirt & she wore her Redskins. She cheered for Peyton Manning & I for Eli. BUT, for the most part we sat, drank & played Photo Hunt in awe of the high score & how if we put enough money in the machine, sure we could beat that score!

We never did.

A guy bought us drinks, we ended up socializing to the nearly closing bar after 3 hours of Photo Hunt & after the "I'm only having one drink" night escaladed to the shots lovingly called a Blonde Headed Sluts, we were having a party. Just like we always do. Just as we had done the night before, in fact.

I followed her home to retrieve my dog & we started the girl talk. I mean, we ignored reality for hours so it was over due. The topic of the douche that dumped her came up & how she happened to see him at the mall this week with another girl. Then I start reading his blow off emails to her & it clicks. The guy is either fucking another girl or he's totally afraid of comittment. He pussied out. Hottie #2, like most women, is insecure & he knew that. So instead of just being honest about what went wrong, he pulled that old card about how she deserves better, blah blah, lie, blah, lie, asshole.

So if you are still following this equation, Hottie #2 thinks it was HER, because he never really explained why, how or what the fuck just happened here. Yes, of course, the girl he was with could have just been his friend, but. but. but.


She deserves a decent guy & a functional relationship. And, I really hope she gets it, sooner rather than later. I can't think of anyone who deserves that more.

If she can put up with me being a Cowboys fan, she can do anything!

Friday, September 17, 2010

Introducing the missus, Texas style!

J planned our first dance in super spy, top secret fashion. We bantered back & forth on songs, but ultimately he wanted it to be his decision. I was only somewhat nervous. And, while I had some frightening images of us break dancing to "Baby Got Back" or "Can't Touch This", I somehow knew he'd make the right selection. The only thing I asked him was did we have to two-step for our dance. I can two-step for days aross the great state of Texas, but J has only recently learned & although I love him for trying, he hasn't really mastered it, yet. (he tends to step on my toes A LOT!)

He came through & made the right choice. We ended up slow dancing to "Free" by Zac Brown Band. It's a song we both enjoy & although, I was pleased, I wasn't surprised. Little did I know he had something far less predictable up his sleeve. Halfway through the dance the song cut out & the DJ announced he was having technical difficulties. I announced that it was time to start break dancing. Snort.

The next thing I know, J is running to the DJ booth, grabbing our cowboy boots from under it & we are changing our shoes! "Whatever It Is" by Zac Brown Band starts playing & we sure as shit, two-stepped. It was like the night we got drunk & played that song over & over from the good old iPod docking station while dancing across our bedroom floor. The music in our bedroom was so loud that night that we woke our next door neighbor up at 3am! Oops.

My Texas family was in cahoots & everyone else was cheering him on as he twirled me around the dance floor. J honored my Southern roots & it was simply perfect. Right then I knew that I had married the right person & that I would endure all in which he has to offer me for the rest of my life. Snort. And, I will absolutely try to do this with a smile on my face & dinner on the table by 6pm sharp every night. Maybe I'll even bake him a pie or two. (Nana did that for Papa in the first years of their marriage & it worked for them!)

I love this man. He has tamed the wild beast that Lola once was...

So, without further ado, I present the first wedding pictures to grace my blog. And, of course, my song of the day.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Once a cheater, always a cheater?

My sister just told me that all cheaters are douchebags. I did cheat on my ex-husband. I cheated on him with my bestfriend. That was very douchey. I admit that.

But, I have changed. Or better yet, I have found my perfect match in a mate. I am married to someone who supports me emotionally, physically, sexually & everything in between. We are open with each other. I have everything in him that I didn't have in anyone else I've ever been with. He's a total package for me.

And, I am, for him. A total package and then some extra suitcases...

As far as changing, I have learned my lesson that cheating just really ruins your life & everyone else's life, too. And, J cheated on his ex-wife, too. We've both been there, done that, got the t-shirt & bore the scarlet letter "A".

Neither one of us is any different now, but we both just understand what it takes to make each other happy & we're okay with that.

So, yes, sister - cheating is douchey, but not all cheaters are douchebags. Some of us have overcome our pasts & decided to make wiser decisions as we gain age & experience.

Love you! <3

Monday, September 13, 2010

All in all it was a bad trip.

I am seriously going to blog about this.

The other night J & I were having a bit of action. Action = wacky tobacky. We partake from time to time. It is a great stress relief, it cures all of my aches & pains & well, I just enjoy it.

Well, I did enjoy it. Until Saturday night.

We were out in the backyard having a few hits before bed when all of a sudden I had one hit too many. I mean, really, I only had 3, but this stuff was potent. And, by the time I went inside I could hardly stand. Great role model for my sleeping children, btw. Luckily, they were seriously sleeping.

I got upstairs & started panicking. My heart was racing. My mind was spinning. And, I told J to call 911. Para. Which, thankfully he did not do. I seriously thought I was dying & now that I'm in a sober state of mind, I cringe to think that I almost made an ass of myself by going to the hospital on a pot overdose.

J held me for an hour with his hand on my chest. No, he wasn't molesting me. He was making me feel comfortable by keeping track of my heart rate. That is love, baby. I ended up nodding in & out & at one point I jumped in my sleep. This started the panic attack all over again. I fought sleep thinking if I closed my eyes I wouldn't wake up. I was praying. I was asking for forgiveness of all of my sins & boy, that took at least an hour! If not more...

I remember telling J that it was laced with something, but yet, he was fine. Finally, I snoozed & in the morning I felt completely fine, except for a headache from not getting enough sleep. And, I'm pretty sure my action days are over. For now. I don't need to ever feel like I'm dying again, unless I really am.




Friday, September 10, 2010

Step in to the light...

Am I the only who can see that you are just trying too hard? It makes me cringe to see that you want something back that you fucked up so many moons ago. The harder you try to get it back for you, the more I feel sorry for you.

Do yourself a favor & just move on. I'm just an outsider, but I can't even imagine being in this equation. Eeek.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Suddenly Wednesday

Wednesday. For many reasons it used to be my favorite day of the week. These days, it's just another day in the life of a married lady with a million kids. I remember when my blog was about a single mom with twin daughters. Boy, how things change.

My daughters started first grade yesterday. I'm feeling nostalgic. And, a bit melodramatic. With a touch of sarcastic flair...

Against everyone's advice, I put the girls in the same first grade class. Most counties have a rule that they separate twins and my children have been separated since they started public school two years ago. In preschool, they were always together, but when they went to pre-K they were in difference classes. Kindergarten, they each had their own class. This year, I wanted to try something different, so I requested to have them together. It's only day two, but so far so good. And this way I only have to be room mother for ONE class. Insert paranoid face here.

The Boy started middle school. For some reason, our county doesn't start middle school until 7th grade. And, today as I'm chatting with an old friend of mine on facebook from West Memorial Junior High in Katy, TX, I made the remark to her about how my stepson just started middle school & since we were besties in middle school, this is making me feel REALLY, REALLY OLD!

I'm on yahoo with my sister right now discussing old friends from high school & I just asked if she was feeling old, too. And, she is. On another note, my sister & I just went on another month's hiatus & we've finally made up. It happens about once a year where we visit each other, get in a fight and go for an extended amount of time without speaking. This time I even took her off of my facebook. Snicker. It's part of our somewhat, tumultous relationship. Life's too short for this petty shit. I'm glad we moved past it, because I really missed wasting my time with her on yahoo every day.

Can you imagine being 29 years old, still living at home, not working in two years & having your parents still paying your bills?? That's a random thought.

So, my big Wednesday plans are going to go something like this- Right now, I'm yahooing with my sister & discussing random people from high school & how sucky their lives are. Then, I'm going to shower & get ready to have lunch with my dear friend, Ladyhawk. I don't see her often enough & so, I'm looking forward to catching up. Then, I'm going to finish girl scout troop planning, clean the main level of the house & wait for the kiddos to come home from school.

My sister & I have moved to on to discussing people on facebook who don't have cute babies. We are going to hell. But, at least we'll be together.

Happy Wednesday to all.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

A letter from the past.

My sister & my aunts were going through my Grandmother's office this weekend. My sister found this letter my Nana wrote the donor family from my Mom's liver transplant 3 months after my Mom passed away.

Warning - it's sad, but beautiful letter. Get the tissues.

Dear ones,

This a very difficult letter for me to write as i do not know to whom i am writing. And there are times such as these when a thank you cannot and is not sufficient. As a mother, for me to try to convey to someone that I do not know and will probably never be given the opportunity to thank personaly how deeply grateful my family and I are to you, so unselfishly gave the greatest of gifts your loved ones organ for transplant. The gift of a liver was the gift that could save my child's life and our gratitude is beyond words. Our family has thought of you so often, we have prayed for you and continue to hope that God's richest blessings will be yours. We know that your lives have been filled with pain and that there is any empty void that cannot be filled by the loss of the one you loved. We also know that you have to be a wonderful family, as in your darkest hours of grief you would think of someone else.

The gift of a liver transplant meant that our 45 year old daughter would have the opportunity for life, and to have a better quality of life. Unfortunatlty, for us God must have had a better plan, our daugher came through the 12 hours surgery, and even had to have a second minor surgery to repair a leaking bile duct two days later. After seven days she was moved from ICU to a room. That evening she was able to walk down the hall. The next morning they took her for what was to be a routine test, a chest x-ray and lab work, and although we did not know it, a liver biopsy. Later we where told that the reason for the biopsy was that this was the only way they could determine if her body was rejecting the transplant, and if so, they could change her anti-rejection drug. It was not. In a liver bioposy one patient in 1,000 would bleed, one in 10,000 would hemmorage. Our daugheter hemmoraged and suffered cardiac arrest. They where able to restart her heart after a period of time, and then do another necessary surgery. This left our daugher in a coma and fifteen days later we lost her without her ever regaining conciousness. She had suffered severe brain damage from the cardiac arrest.

I know that perhaps I should not have told you about our daugher's death, but I feel that you want to know as I am sure that everyday you wonder about who had the organs of your loved one, and how they where getting along. Our daugher was a wonderful, wonderful child, mischevious, a great sense of humor, and who loved life and her family. She was a single parent and left two daughers, 19 and 21. She had a very good job, and was very good at her job.

I just want you and all your family to know that you will always hold a very high and special place in our hearts. We know your pain and your sorrow. My husband and I will be married 51 years. We are the parents of three other children and have nine grandchildren. We lost our first grandchild in a car wreck when she was 16. Our daugher that we lost was our 2nd child, and just like you and your family, will never get over the loss, but we are learning to live with it, and we wish that life could have been different for you all and for us.

Thank you from the bottom of our hearts. I can only hope that this letter reaches you someday, and if you should wish to correspond with us, i would be so happy to hear from you. Even if i never do, please know that in this this great big world, there is a family that will ever be in your debt. A debt that can never be repaid.

In grateful appreciation, DSK