Monday, December 29, 2008

Four days without blogging!

Why, you ask?

(well, my sister actually DID ask)

I'm going to Texas. The most, magical place in the world. And, really, it's only because it's home. I love going home.

This year is special because I'm sharing my home with J, Lavagirl & the Boy. I think everyone is excited & although it's 9:30pm & I'm not packed yet - have no fear. Somehow, some way, this house will transform in to a clean, organized place. The laundry will miraculously fold itself & snuggle down in to the suitcases. I will have batteries in the leapsters. I will charge the laptops, ipods, cell phones & maybe find some coloring books for the triplets.

It will happen.

So, I will be scarce for a week or so, but I leave you with pictures from my new Canon Rebel.

Happy New Year! May this one be a hell of a lot fucking better than the last.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

It's the most wonderful time... of the year!

Merry Fucking Christmas.

Today was great.

Really the most wonderful day.

J & I finished wrapping gifts before 10pm last night. Not bad considering it looked like Toys R Us threw up all over our house. We had Thing 1 & Thing 2 last night & they go to bed pretty early. And I think they didn't actually get up until 7:30am - so not too bad. We had to wait an hour until we could pick up Lavagirl & the Boy from their mom's house. So I did what every good mother does...

I CHI'ed their hair for them. Snort.

In the midst of the CHI, Thing 1 had a cough attack. Fucking pneumonia!

Down to the good stuff.

I got an AWESOME Canon Rebel. Expect a TON MORE PICTURES FROM ME! (Thanks to my sister for helping coordinate this lavish gift!) I also got a digital picture frame (fuck you, they are not gay!), a new hoodie & a DVD. Mamma Mia. And yes, I made J & the twins watch it with me while I sang along. LOVE IT!

I got J a pair of crocs, a bottle of Chrome, a book written by Benjamin Franklin (he is a distant relative, btw), a sweater vest & a blue ray disc player. Naturally, I divided the gifts up between the kids, too!

The Boy got a laptop. And proudly exclaimed during present opening that Santa had been to Nordstrom's. Snort. He's a label whore like his father!

Lavagirl, Thing 1 & Thing 2 all got the same cack. Leapsters & games, Barbie cars, Hannah Montana dolls, Barbies, robes, PJs, Candyland & Chutes & Ladders, clothes & shoes. They really had a pile of shit. Seriously. And a lot of Disney princess cack... can't forget the princess shit.

After J's kids went back to their mom's house, J & I enjoyed a whole day with the twins. We had take out Chinese, watched movies, played Candyland & I thoroughly enjoyed my new camera. I will definitely post pics in a bit!

But most of all, I enjoyed the fact that I had a partner in this world to share the joy of Christmas. It was a refreshing change of pace.

Now, I have to get ready to send the twins to their father's house where they get their 3rd Christmas. And then we're going to Texas for their 4th.

Spoiled children of divorced families. Snort.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Merry Christmas Eve


Lavagirl, Thing 1 & Thing 2

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

I hate this part.


Yes, I dig it. Shut up.

Bring on the future!

I gave up Tarot card reading some months ago. I even gave my deck of cards to my children as a toy. In all fairness, I had a really neat deck & they LOVED looking at all the "princesses" on the face of each card.

But, today I decided I needed a little enlightenment as to what my future will hold. I've made some serious life changes & what some may consider, irrational decisions. And I don't feel I've made any decisions that would enable me to hide from my past mistakes. I have been very open & honest with everyone about what I've done & where I've been - especially in the last year.


It's been a rough year.

/end Whine

I'm really ready to get to a happy, stable place & I know that security must first come from within myself.

I'm rambling.

Anyways, I did an online Tarot card reading & asked the question, "WHAT DOES THE NEXT YEAR HOLD FOR ME?"

And my answers are crystal.

The card not shown but at the center of the cross, represents the atmosphere surrounding the central issue. The Lovers: A caring and trusting relationship. Beauty and inner harmony. A decision calling for emotional control and faithfulness to spiritual values.

The card visible at the center of the cross represents the obstacle that stands in your way - it may even be something that sounds good but is not actually to your benefit. Nine of Cups (Happiness): Contentment and satisfaction in romance, friendship, or other relationships. Achieving your deepest desires and savoring beauty and sensual pleasures. A state of joy and abundance radiating fulfillment and bliss.

The card at the top of the cross represents your goal, or the best you can achieve without a dramatic change of priorities. The World: Completeness and intricacy of design. A great work. Achievement, reward, and well-earned recognition. A time of success, prosperity, security and joy. May also indicate travel or a change in residence.

The card at the bottom of the cross represents the foundation on which the situation is based. Page of Pentacles: The essence of earth, such as a mountain: The surprising appearance of new prosperity and opportunities for advance in the physical world. One who delights in the pleasures of the body, material things, and nature. The embrace of hard work, realistic goals, and scholarly perseverance as a means to create solid achievement. Dependability, trust, and a studious nature. May portend a new job or promotion.

The card at the left of the cross represents a passing influence or something to be released. Page of Wands: The essence of fire behaving as earth, such as wood or coal: The surprising appearance of a new passion. An adventurer who blazes through life, acting as a catalyst that others may harness. The intense enthusiasm and childlike imagination that fuels any new venture, needing only the application of mind and material to make it a success. Inner fire that can drive away fear and replace it with fury. Can represent a person of some timidity, but whose innate passion can be easily ignited. May indicate the birth of a child.

The card at the right of the cross represents an approaching influence or something to be embraced. Seven of Swords (Futility): An opportunity to withdraw from a hopeless situation and fight another day. Disengagement from a struggle you should never have been involved in. A desperate attempt to resolve a matter without conflict. The use of cleverness or outright deception to turn the tide in your favor.

The card at the base of the staff represents your role or attitude. Two of Wands (Dominion): Established power and influence over others. Setting goals and a vision for the future. Coming to grips with the impact of past decisions, considering the current state of affairs, and developing a plan of action. Responsible leadership.

The card second from the bottom of the staff represents your environment and the people you are interacting with. The Hierophant: Faith in tradition and the old school. A justified and ancient source of power. Being supportive, sympathetic and loyal. Receiving instructions, learning, guidance or inspiration. The ability to hear a higher or inner voice. May also indicate a religious ritual, such as a marriage or an initiation.

The card second from the top of the staff represents your hopes, fears, or an unexpected element that will come into play. Wheel of Fortune: The path of destiny. Karma on a grand scale. An unexpected turn of good fortune. A link in the chain of events. Success, luck, and happiness.

The card at the top of the staff represents the ultimate outcome should you continue on this course. Ace of Pentacles: The seed of prosperity and material gain - perhaps as yet unseen. A new foundation from which to turn your dreams into reality. The need to focus on the practical and understand the dynamics of the natural world. May represent a gift, document, inheritance, or an unexpected opportunity for physical achievement.

Freaky. Para.

Monday, December 22, 2008

My gift to you.

J - you now know what to get me for Christmas. Snort.

(Justin Timberlake in a box. Para)

I am sick of sick.

Thing 1 has pneumonia. I'm sure Thing 2 has it, too. J is throwing up. All four children are getting over strep throat. I am just starting to feel normal again after having strep or not strep - I tested negative twice, but had all the symptoms. (Thank goodness it wasn't mono!)

All we got for Christmas are germs.


Friday, December 19, 2008

Top ten things I did accomplish this year.

10. Buy a Volvo. They are good cars & have high safety ratings.

9. Make new friends. Really awesome friends, too. The kind that let you bite their shirt in the middle of the dance floor when you're drinky & think that's sexy.

8. Live a little. I've done so many fun things this year. I went to NYC to see the premier of Sex & the City, I've been to Texas twice (once kid free) & I saw Brian Wilson perform at a ritzy gala where J & I did win auction items we've yet to purchase. DO NOT DRINK & BID. I've been to events, parties, dinners, concerts & on trips. And not only have I spent a lot in outfits, but I've had a great time while enjoying great company.

7. I fell in love. No surprise here. I fall in love easily. Snort.

6. I stayed in love... J is so stuck with me. For.ev.ah.

5. I have doubled the size of my family without having a baby. Abracadabra, I'm now the mom of 4! And I love every minute of it, even 5th grade math.

4. Banish all destructive relationships. They are all exes for a reason, kid.

3. Learned how to nit pick lice infested hair. I am not sure I want to brag, but this was an accomplishment. Twice.

2. Nine Real Estate transactions. That's not bad. And I'm hoping next year will be even better!

1. Found myself. After a few years of walking around lost in the woods with a big stick (does anyone, but my sister get that joke?) I have figured out what makes me happy in this world. And surprisingly, it doesn't take much. Love, family & a few designer purses.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Top ten things I did not accomplish this year.

10. Mail out Christmas cards. I do them every year, except this year. I just suck.

9. Make a bold career move. Still waiting to do that. Tick tock. Tick tock.

8. Have a baby. And no, I wasn't pregnant nor was I trying.

7. Stop smoking. I actually went in reverse. I smoke more, now. Blech.

6. Change my evil ways. I'm still a "pope on a kidney". I'm self-centered, always right, & sometimes even quite selfish. Gasp. Who knew?

5. Run a marathon. See #7.

4. Write a book. I wanted to, but I wrote a blog instead.

3. Make six figures. Getting engaged to someone who does may be close, but it's not the same. I promise.

2. Get divorced. Legally. Not done, yet.

1. Become a rock star. (Rock Band does not count & neither does singing in the car in front of an audience of 3.)

When all else fails...

Listen to music.


Tuesday, December 16, 2008

All you need is love.

It's good to be a step mom-ish.

Step mom-ish - a soon to be, but not quite there yet step mother.

I don't guess you really have to be married to someone to consider a child yours. Nah, you don't.

Today's story brought to you by the Boy.

I'm laying in bed last night watching Step Brothers. J had fallen asleep during the course of the movie & I was up laughing all by myself. My phone starts buzzing & I have a text. It was a certain hot hippymom & all of her boobtastic glory! Then I got another text & it was from the Boy who was downstairs in the basement in his bedroom.

U're weird.

I'm weird???

Okay, I am. Anyways, he's not tired, he's done reading & he basically wants to hang out. So I tell him I'll meet him in the kitchen. I walk down & he walks up. We have juice pouches & teddy grahams as we surf the internet looking at things to get J for Christmas meanwhile he's giving me his short list. Snort.

We kill about a half hour before I tell him that it's 11pm & way past his bedtime. He said something about how this week sucks because he has FLE at school. FLE? Yeah, Family Life Education. You know you remember that from elementary.

Egads! I start wondering if he wants to actually talk about it with me & I start to prepare myself for a talk about nocturnal emissions or something. Trust me, I'm cringing.

"It was actually today", he says.

So, I make a joke, because in tense situations that's all I can really do. I said at least he didn't have to sit there with his dad in the class because when I was in elementary our mothers were required to sit with us during that class.

He got really embarrassed at the thought of J being there with him. I thought it was cute.

We finally part stair cases & I snuggle up in bed & he comes up the stairs, "I need someone to sign this." I open his binder & look at the form. It basically is a completion form of the FLE class & it wants a parents signature. And on the form it says to DISCUSS PUBERTY WITH YOUR CHILD. Well, a) I can't sign his school forms. I'm just a step mom-ish. AND b) I'm not really up to discussing that with him when his dad is snoring in my ear.

We'll discuss it in the morning. That's all I could do.

As I drifted off to sleep I figured it out. The Boy did not want to talk to his father at all about sex, puberty & the like so he wanted me to sign the form. I'm pretty sure he planned it all out. Because, as a step mom-ish you just tend to pick up on these things. So, first thing this morning I told J about the form & I made him promise not to discuss it with the Boy right now.

What happens in a few days... not my problem. Wink.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Take two of these & call me in the morning.

I am sick.

I am a big, whiny baby when I'm sick.

I tested negative twice for strep.

I may have mono.

The gland in my neck is painfully swollen.

I am having a sick day, today.

I am sick.

And it sucks.


Saturday, December 13, 2008

For myself

She is so cute in this video.

Friday, December 12, 2008

I see London, I see France, I see Lola's underpants...

on the office floor?

How the fuck does that happen?

I'll tell you.

And I'm heinously embarrassed.

This morning I put on dirty jeans (okay they were worn, but not dirty necessarily). J & I are swimming in baskets of laundry & I was running late. I even ironed the dirty jeans. Yes, ironed. And I put them on with my sweater, high heels & my pashmina wrap.

Some hours go by. Just another day at the office.

And then right after the UPS guy left I had to go to the bathroom. I came back, sat at my desk & started eating lunch. And one of the agents on my team came to my desk & her jaw dropped.

"What is that?", she cried, pointing at the Persian rug in the lobby of our office.

It was my dirty panties.

I wanted to die.

I blamed the UPS guy. Shrug.


I want to know.

Who has answers?

Oh & since I pretended they weren't mine I threw them out with a paper plate as a scoop & a highlighter as my shovel. And I'll be damned if my co-agent didn't actually reach in to view the panties & notice the size.

A 6.

That's my size.


Thursday, December 11, 2008

He loves me, he loves me not

He loves me.

After a tough week, a rough day & a hungry belly, I came home to exactly what I wanted.



Have I done this before?

No two parents are the same. And J & I are in total opposite directions some days I'm not even sure how we stay together. He must hate the fact that I'm so freaking anal about every little thing & I kinda get annoyed that he takes a more lackadaisical approach to parenting.

He was upset with me that I took the other night off from the gym because I didn't want to leave the girls with him & go when a) Annie was a little whiny, clingy & now because she probably has strep, sick. b) I can't just leave my kids with him every night. They need me home. That's my job.

J thinks I never take time to myself. Well, when you have 2 kids close to full time you don't have much choice in the matter. When they are grown then I'll get to do whatever I want, whenever I want. Until then, my job is to take them to school, help with their homework, fulfill their emotional needs, make dinner, clean their bathroom & all of that other fun shit.

My children are my greatest accomplishment. And, no, they aren't perfect by any means. (you've met them, right?) And his children are finding their own spot in my heart right there with my own children. The only difference is they aren't mine & what I say doesn't always go. And you know what?

It's okay.

I'm going to do my own thing with my children while coexisting with J & his children. If he wants his kids to sleep in or miss school because they are tired I will not say anything. And if I want to coddle my children for a night because they are emotional, I will. It's not a contest to see who raises better children. These are our lives. And we should just live them. One day I hope we can raise our children together, but we're just not there, yet.

/end really strange rant

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Whatever Lola says is true! Duh!?

A little appreciate goes a long way, I think. I tend to walk around all the time thinking that I should BE appreciated so, I am often forgetful about appreciating others. I'm such a selfish cow, I know. Cry.

I know, I kinda did this thread around Thanksgiving...

But it's true. Take time out of your busy schedule to appreciate someone in your life.

Go on, now.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

No pun intended. I swear.

I'm sure we aren't the only couple that has experienced the anti-climactic interruption of sex by a child.

Okay, so it was climactic for me.


Friday night J & I go out for a few drinks with friends & we return relatively early. (midnight-ish) After J takes our babysitter home & I hang out with the Boy & his side kick we decide it's time for bed.

Mind you, it had been a week since our last bedroom bonanza.

J checks on the girls upstairs before joining me in our bedroom & Thing 2 is awake & wants to get in our bed. Well, we, the drinky parents of the Baby residence, decide to tell her conflicting stories. I think he told her yes (although he will deny it) & I told her we'd come get her after we watched a movie. (see, it's wrong, but by then she'd be asleep & she will have forgetten that what we had told her by morning) She seemed satisfied with one of those answers.

We really are good parents. I swear.

Well, all seems well & we start taking care of ourselves. Ahem. Twenty minutes later there is a knock at the door.

And guess who?

Yep. Thing 2.

She comes in with her blankie in one hand & her two favorite stuffed animals in the other. She was looking pathetically cute. And, so she gets in the bed with me & J, who is pretty annoyed at this point, decides to go downstairs to the couch.

At least I went to bed satisfied & I had a little extra snuggly bonus.

J, on the other hand, not so much! No pun intended.

Weekend Wrap Up


I had a 3 day weekend. And you know what? At the end of it all I fell asleep at 8:30pm last night. I was exhausted.

Friday night J & I went out with our usual suspects minus one hot blond aerobics instructor & her main squeeze. (date nights are not allowed, you two!) Ms. Drinky Drinks Alot was already drinky drunky drunk by the time she arrived so 1/2 hour of almost scoring with her later she left with her date to the Golden Arches. J & I decided to stay, have some drinks & hang out together. I think he was bummed that only I got to see her nipple.

The next morning was hell on Earth because the A's had to be at school at 8:30am for a performance at the Winter Bazaar at the school. It was kinda worth it - they were so stinkin' cute! (Maybe I'm just partial...) We had a great time & J, Lavagirl & the Boy came with & got to meet the twins' teachers & see their classrooms. We even spent more than $100 at the book fair. Snort. Damn children.

We left there to head up to see Santa at the mall. Somehow, I got stuck with girl duty & I took the triplets inside & surprise - there was NO LINE! That never happens, but it was only 10am. We had lunch all together plus my sweet baby boy was there. (he's in the turkey thread at the very bottom!) All the children quickly start to expire.

By this point I'm so wiped out that I get home, get all the girls to bed, get the Boy situated & I am just about to drift off to sleep...

No luck. The Boy has his first movie date with his girlfriend. I did get to drop him off at the theater & it was one of the proudest moments I've ever felt as an almost parent. Since Lavagirl didn't ever actually fall sleep she went with me to take the Boy & then we cruised over to Michaels for Christmas decor for the house & to the grocery store for the house party that we found out we were having just 2 hours prior.

There is no rest for the weary. Snort.

House party. Yes, J & I had a little party. Since most of our friends have children & we're always doing the babysitter/go out thing we decided to all just hang out at the house. My bestfriend & her husband came with their 3 year old. The blond who was a no show the night before came with her 3 year old plus the guy she's dating. We ate, drank, let all the girls run around upstairs & had a great time. And, I'm not really sure who's idea it was to come home with all the crabs, but I still have a pot full of steamed crabs in my fridge.

No one felt good on Sunday. So, I was on mom duty. I made the triplets TWO lunches, cleaned up from the party & was getting the house ready for my house guest while J & the Boy were sleeping.

Really, there is no rest for the weary.

I went to pick up my house guest & I took her grocery shopping with me. When we arrived back home EVERYONE WAS SLEEPING. At that point I would have cut off my right pinkie toe for a nap. Snort.

After an evening of dinner, bowling, beer, action & entertaining J & I were up most of the night due to sick children and/or those children wishing to not sleep for some strange reason.

The next morning I'm up at usual time to take the twins to school. And I return to find my guest still sleeping so I zonk out on the couch for an hour. It was heavenly... until my phone started ringing non-stop.


I decided I may as well get up & clean house. I clean a lot, by the way...

Then I made brunch & afterwards my guest, the Boy & I play ROCK BAND! And we were sadly interrupted by the fact that I had to get my guest to Baltimore so she could catch her plane.

I return from B'more with a sick child who seems to have an aversion to any type of cough medicine. He starts destroying all humans on the XBOX while I sat down for 1/2 hour reading Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing. Yes, I bought that at the book fair. Para.

Then I get off my ass & clean bathrooms, do dishes, start dinner, pick up the twins & by the time I get the whiniest children on the planet home & nearly collapse from sheer exhaustion...

J is ready to help me get them fed, bathed & off to bed. One was out by 6:40 & the other by 7:15. I guess they were tired, too.

And then we zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!

Friday, December 5, 2008

Lola's version of The 12 Days of Christmas

On the 12th day of Christmas my true love gave to me.

12. Chocolate pralines
11. Lattes brewing
10. Ladies dancing (naked)
9. Hours sleeping
8. Maids a' cleaning
7. Days no fighting
6. Buttery nipples
4. Salon visits
3. Bottles of merlot
2. Jimmy Choos

And a new camera to capture it all!

Thursday, December 4, 2008

I'm not hiding anything

I swear.

The ring tells all. I never notice anyone's ring finger on their left hand. EVER. So, why is mine getting noticed all the damn time?


Because it's blingy.

J keeps saying he wishes it was bigger. (And yes, he means my ring, you perv!)

Honestly, the size is a non-issue. (Seriously, get your mind out of the gutter.)

Clients have noticed. People at the gym have noticed. Today a co-worker noticed. I should just probably go ahead & set up an e-announcement or something.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Lola's Christmas rant.

I promise I am not Scrooge by any capacity, but I have to vent a little bit here.

Every year I say I'm not going to go overboard on gifts & shit. And every year I spend way more money than I should. I don't make a huge production getting toys for the girls because I buy them endless amounts of cack YEAR ROUND. So, I don't want them growing up thinking Christmas is the day you get your year's supply of toys. It's much more economical to purchase cack little by little all year. I just don't wish to hide it all in a closet until December so I dole it out as I see fit.

C'mon people. What is the true meaning of Christmas? And don't tell me it was the day Jesus was born. Snort.

/end soapbox

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

A wrap song

For Anita, again.

Love you long time, sis.

Tuesday Dedications

For my darling, J. Because he doesn't hear it enough.

For the two big zits I have on my face.

To all the work piled on my desk.

To my headache.

To it not quite being lunchtime, yet.

And to Anita.

The EX Files - Can you name all of your exes?

I can try.

Michael (5th grade starts it all)
Christian (7th grade & first kiss)
Ronnie (7th grade & hardly any recollection of him. He called to say he loved me from time to time.)
Mac Watson (8th grade & first French kiss. Blech!)
Fernando (8th grade & he dumped me for my bestfriend)
Jason Adlong (Freshman year & had acne from hell)
Kevin "Big Lips" Prestley (Sophomore year & a total prude. Kissing may have been against his religion.)
Phillip Inman (Junior year - my best friend's older brother & he dumped me. It sucked.)
Joey Morgart (Senior year - I loved him. So I thought... I lost my virginity to him & then lied to all my friends because I didn't want them to think I was a whore. Meanwhile, Kevin had the locker next to me & didn't speak to me the entire year.)

Then comes college & my crazy, drinky, wild ways.

Tim Nguyen (He's about as close to a boyfriend as I had Freshman year)
Bryan Lawson (He's in prison now for child pornography. There are just no words here.)
Kasey McConaughey (She was not related to Matthew, but she was my first real girlfriend. Crazy, psycho bitch...)
Mark (The only ex I care about as a friend to this day.)

As I entered adulthood I had more "stable" relationships. Snort. Double fucking snort. Seriously, I just became more tolerable of asshattery behavior that made 3 year relationships seem like a fucking eternity.

Jonathan Cain (Can we say loser? L O S E R ! ! ! !)
MJG (I divorced him.)
Mistake #1,234 (The duly noted lesbian affair. It counts, I guess.)

So, that's everyone I had a legitimate relationship with that lasted more than a few weeks.

What was the point of this blog?

Who the fuck knows?

Monday, December 1, 2008

PS - I love you

Dear J,

Even though I'm dead now you may want to go ahead & buy me that Coach bag that you lost fair & square. In fact, go ahead & get the matching wallet, too. Bury me with it, please.

Don't forget to hang the curtains in the living room & dining room. It will require going to buy curtain rods, but I think you can handle that.

Perhaps you should buy an oven now that I'm not there to use it. Perhaps you can bake me a birthday cake when my big 32 rolls around!!

Please open my nightstand drawer & use the condoms in there before they expire. Don't act like you're not going to bang other girls. Remember, I'm watching you!

And last, but not least, go ahead & keep the dog now. You may actually enjoy her company now that I'm no longer glued to your side.


PS - I love you