Monday, November 10, 2008

Lola straps on a set.

Saturday night J & I hired a babysitter. It was such a big deal to us because neither one of us had ever left our children with anyone other than friends or family. Well, there comes a time in every parent's life when your need to go out for a little romantic dinner sans children overcomes your fear of leaving your children home alone with an almost complete stranger.

Naturally, we did interview her & she came to meet the kids earlier in the week.

But still.

Reasonably, we have a 10 year old with a cell phone so if she ended up being a serial killer he may have had time to call us & we may have made it home fast enough to rescue them all.

I should write fiction.

So, J & I went to this Moroccan restaurant. They had a live belly dancer & she was hot. J actually got up & danced with her. I was kinda hoping he'd get her number.


After dinner we decided to head up to the bar with some of J's siblings. J has like 10 siblings. It's a little insane. Anyways, J & I only really have about an hour before we need to go relieve the babysitter who had plans to go out after babysitting. At 15 bucks an hour she was sure making enough money for a premium beer night! J's sister brought her sister-in-law who is a 130lb great white shark, only cuter. She's the one I arm wrestled & lost to TWICE at the family function last month.

Did I mention that I think her teeth are sharper than Freddy Krueger's knife finger blades?

She bites, dude. And when I drink I seem to grow a big pair of brass balls. And tonight was no different. She was fucking around with me & called me chubby. I knew she was kidding & I do outweigh her by about 28lbs. I took this as an invitation to fuck around with her right back. So, we moved on to talking about the fact that I would love a live in nanny to help me with my four kids. And she casually said she may be moving here soon & would love the job.

My brass balls came out swingin'.

"Why would I let you be my nanny? You'd just teach my kids to be assholes!"

This is where my brass balls knocked right in to each other! I started bleeding. And you know how sharks feel about blood.

I think she got pissed at me for my remark, but it was hard to tell. She did walk away to the next table, but she was so cute & smiley. After a few minutes of pretending like she couldn't believe that I had just called her out, I pulled out my big guns. Snort. I started shamelessly flirting with her. And just when I was about to give up she came & stood next to me at the bar & waited with me to get another beer. She told me how she tried to hate me, but that I was just too damned charming! Now I thought for sure she wasn't going to body slam me in the parking lot later. Whew.

Just as I'm thinking that I'm scoring another decade on to my life J tells me, in fact, that Shark Girl & her friends were talking smack about me for what I had done. J was a little drinky, too. Drinky people make up shit...

Well, as J & I started turning in to pumpkins (read: drinky parents who had to go home to pay the babysitter) we got ready to leave. The last thing Shark Girl said to me was, "Get my number from J's sister & let's get together some time when I move up here."

I think she liked my balls.


Rachel said...

I think balls rock, personally. I'm a fan. SMOOCH

Hey Lola? Let me know if you still want to be in SP. :D

Rachel said...

Soul Providers roflmao

Anita said...

shaaaa like this is the first time you have used a strap on!?


Wait? What was thisabout again?