Desperate times call for desperate measures.

It's almost too depressing to watch the news these days in this economic slump. It's affecting corporations, the housing market & small business & every time you turn around someone is being laid off or going bankrupt! Well guess what? Our country's economic struggles have affected me, as well.

J & I were forced to lay off the maid. However, we are selfishly keeping the babysitter.

Lola straps on a set.

Saturday night J & I hired a babysitter. It was such a big deal to us because neither one of us had ever left our children with anyone other than friends or family. Well, there comes a time in every parent's life when your need to go out for a little romantic dinner sans children overcomes your fear of leaving your children home alone with an almost complete stranger.

Naturally, we did interview her & she came to meet the kids earlier in the week.

But still.

Reasonably, we have a 10 year old with a cell phone so if she ended up being a serial killer he may have had time to call us & we may have made it home fast enough to rescue them all.

I should write fiction.

So, J & I went to this Moroccan restaurant. They had a live belly dancer & she was hot. J actually got up & danced with her. I was kinda hoping he'd get her number.

Ha.

After dinner we decided to head up to the bar with some of J's siblings. J has like 10 siblings. It's a little insane. Anyways, J & I only really have about an hour before we need to go relieve the babysitter who had plans to go out after babysitting. At 15 bucks an hour she was sure making enough money for a premium beer night! J's sister brought her sister-in-law who is a 130lb great white shark, only cuter. She's the one I arm wrestled & lost to TWICE at the family function last month.

Did I mention that I think her teeth are sharper than Freddy Krueger's knife finger blades?

She bites, dude. And when I drink I seem to grow a big pair of brass balls. And tonight was no different. She was fucking around with me & called me chubby. I knew she was kidding & I do outweigh her by about 28lbs. I took this as an invitation to fuck around with her right back. So, we moved on to talking about the fact that I would love a live in nanny to help me with my four kids. And she casually said she may be moving here soon & would love the job.

My brass balls came out swingin'.

"Why would I let you be my nanny? You'd just teach my kids to be assholes!"

This is where my brass balls knocked right in to each other! I started bleeding. And you know how sharks feel about blood.

I think she got pissed at me for my remark, but it was hard to tell. She did walk away to the next table, but she was so cute & smiley. After a few minutes of pretending like she couldn't believe that I had just called her out, I pulled out my big guns. Snort. I started shamelessly flirting with her. And just when I was about to give up she came & stood next to me at the bar & waited with me to get another beer. She told me how she tried to hate me, but that I was just too damned charming! Now I thought for sure she wasn't going to body slam me in the parking lot later. Whew.

Just as I'm thinking that I'm scoring another decade on to my life J tells me, in fact, that Shark Girl & her friends were talking smack about me for what I had done. J was a little drinky, too. Drinky people make up shit...

Well, as J & I started turning in to pumpkins (read: drinky parents who had to go home to pay the babysitter) we got ready to leave. The last thing Shark Girl said to me was, "Get my number from J's sister & let's get together some time when I move up here."

I think she liked my balls.

A series of fortunate events

1. I asked the ex to talk to the girls about him, me & J. Some issues were coming up & he needed to sit down with them. The end result was that they were in great moods when I picked them up & that continued through the night. I think they received what they needed to from him & I'm grateful.

2. I went to happy hour with some girlfriends. I haven't gone out with my friends in a long time. There is never enough time, energy or babysitters for me in this life. Well, J made it all happen & I am very grateful that it was almost as important to HIM that I go enjoy some time alone as it was to me.

3. The Phillies won the World Series. Now, I'm an Astros fan, but Brad Lidge did play for the 'Stros. What can I say? I'm loyal.

4. I fell in love last night all over again. Seriously, a girl could get used to this.

5. Tomorrow is Halloween, my favorite holiday of the year!

6. I won the lottery.

Just kidding on that last one. Just checking to see if you were payin' attention.