Tuesday, December 2, 2008

The EX Files - Can you name all of your exes?

I can try.

Michael (5th grade starts it all)
Christian (7th grade & first kiss)
Ronnie (7th grade & hardly any recollection of him. He called to say he loved me from time to time.)
Mac Watson (8th grade & first French kiss. Blech!)
Fernando (8th grade & he dumped me for my bestfriend)
Jason Adlong (Freshman year & had acne from hell)
Kevin "Big Lips" Prestley (Sophomore year & a total prude. Kissing may have been against his religion.)
Phillip Inman (Junior year - my best friend's older brother & he dumped me. It sucked.)
Joey Morgart (Senior year - I loved him. So I thought... I lost my virginity to him & then lied to all my friends because I didn't want them to think I was a whore. Meanwhile, Kevin had the locker next to me & didn't speak to me the entire year.)

Then comes college & my crazy, drinky, wild ways.

Tim Nguyen (He's about as close to a boyfriend as I had Freshman year)
Bryan Lawson (He's in prison now for child pornography. There are just no words here.)
Kasey McConaughey (She was not related to Matthew, but she was my first real girlfriend. Crazy, psycho bitch...)
Mark (The only ex I care about as a friend to this day.)

As I entered adulthood I had more "stable" relationships. Snort. Double fucking snort. Seriously, I just became more tolerable of asshattery behavior that made 3 year relationships seem like a fucking eternity.

Jonathan Cain (Can we say loser? L O S E R ! ! ! !)
MJG (I divorced him.)
Mistake #1,234 (The duly noted lesbian affair. It counts, I guess.)

So, that's everyone I had a legitimate relationship with that lasted more than a few weeks.

What was the point of this blog?

Who the fuck knows?


Anita said...

I just remember the first and the last?! Ohh Scott Johnson how I loved thee.........

Lola Starr said...

What about Mauricio Patino??

It's sad when you remember your sister's ex boyfriends....