Wednesday, October 15, 2008

I saw the sign

J: i got a call that you will be happy about
Lola: you won the lottery?
J: nah, almost as good
Lola: I hate these games.
J: Aunt Helen called, her and Santa Claus went to the beach for the weekend and he told her that now that they were getting serious, with getting engaged and buying a house together, that he wouldn't go through with everything unless she stopped being friends with me. So I told her I understood and to take care and have a good life. And that if she really wanted her cat back she could come get him.

You think I flipped out, don't you? For the first time in this relationship I didn't lose my shit when it came to HER & I now know why. J & I have such parallel lives that it's scary. From ex spouses to ex lovers & everything in between - we are one.

I actually told him that I understood how difficult it was to finally close a chapter in your life after keeping the book slightly open for your own comfort & distraction. And do you want to know how I know this?

Yesterday, my ex-girlfriend asked me to leave Hippymom. Why? Probably because of my existence. I was devastated. But after spending the majority of my evening torn about this new situation at hand, I realized that I was wasting my time & energy on something that matters nothing. All it did was make me miserable which was how I spent most of the last year. Now, that chapter can finally close.

I thank Aunt Helen for closing J's. And I think my ex for closing mine. Neither one of us were strong enough to slam the book shut ourselves. But in this life, we are constantly learning & evolving. I feel like there is a greater lesson in all of this.

So you see, this is my sign. A very, very good one.

I am writing my history. Right now.


Kebbie said...

I'm sorry. I had no idea :(

katie said...

I'm sorry.

Many of us miss you and didn't know.