Monday, March 8, 2010

Let's talk about sex, baby.

Or lack of sex, baby.

J & I have been fighting about this for months now. He keeps telling me sex doesn't equal love. Duh.

Sex = sex. And, that's a perfectly good equation, to me.

I know this isn't the first time I've blogged about this. And, it probably won't be the last, unfortunately. J's sexual issues stem from a few things. On the top of his list of excuses why we can't make love are -

1) "I'm stressed out."

Normally, he uses this one as a last resort & quite often it'll be the first time I've heard about him being stressed out & it is almost always work related.

2) "I'm tired."

Well aren't we all? We both work full time (albeit, I work more inside the home than out) & we are raising four children. Of course we are BOTH tired. But, that is still not a great excuse. Sex can take as little as 10 minutes out of your day if necessary. Right?

3) "The more you complain about our lack of sex, the more I don't want to have sex."

This one is my favorite. It makes no sense. Of course I am going to complain. And, if he complained every day about how I didn't do the dishes, don't you think I'd get tired of hearing it & do the damn dishes?

Seriously, break out the wine & cheese & violins... it's a pity party of one. I'm tired of sex taking a back burner. This is what is wrong with so many relationships these days. If you constantly put each other's needs on the back burner then you may as well turn the burner off & let the fire burn out.

Sex doesn't equate love to me & I know J will tell me he shows me other ways that he loves me. And, he does. But, that's not enough.


The girl who just wants her man to want her.


Anonymous said...

So why RU still with him?

Anonymous said...

I think your man want you, but he's right. sex =/= love.

You should talk things over, and think about his feelings or your relationship will end soon.

Servant of the Most High said...

Sex is a gift of God ( sex in marriage)

Sex is not love..

Love hides and covers all mistakes.. a mistake of not meeting your expectations of sex.

Please read this blog.. to know more about TRUE LOVE.

God bless you.

LadyHawk said...

Get our your laptop while in bed and put on a sexcam he may not see what's happening but he'll hear it and then may want to see what your watching and in a minute it may give him some motivation.

Julie said...

Hi Lola... I'm pretty new to blogger. I just clicked "follow" for your blog... hope that's ok. :o) I just had to leave a comment to say i completely understand your frustration. I had the same problem with my ex, only he said it was because he just "wasn't a very sexual person". So I feel your pain, or I should say I FELT your pain. Thank God I'm with someone now who wants sex all the time just like me. ;o) And also, I just wanted to post a comment that didn't make you feel like you were wrong for just wanting sex even though sex isn't love (duh, like people need to keep telling you that right? ;o)).

Also- how does this thing work? Do you get some sort of notification when someone adds you to their follow list? I have no followers yet so I'm just confused as to how the heck to get any.

OK I'm done rambling now. I look forward to reading more of your posts.

Anonymous said...

My husband and I often go for months without having sex. I'm posting anonymously on the off chance he'll find my comment and get mad at me for airing our dirty laundry for the world to see.

It's been like this for years now. We have a toddler, and after he was born we went a year without having sex.

On the one hand I tell myself that because I'm not a very sexual person and I don't really mind going sexless for a while that we're actually great for each other. We have the same sexual needs - i.e., next to none. On the other hand, something tells me the reason we don't have sex is that we're not physically attracted to each other anymore and we continue to stay together out of habit and comfort.

Relationships aren't all about sex, but you have to be honest with yourself about whether lack of sex is the problem or a symptom for something else.