A Letter to the Ex

Dear Charmaine*,

It was very lovely to meet you Saturday night. When I shook your 80 year old Aunt Helen hand on Saturday I knew that you were not the epitome of high class. Your Forever 21 dress expired about 8 years ago... you know, the day you turned 22. Making out with your new boyfriend in the hall way outside the reception & getting caught with that dress up over your ass was your ticket to being made fun of for an infinite amount of time. If I had a nickel for every time I heard from friends & family members how you didn't belong there, you were no good for J anyways or that I'm a much better catch I'd have enough to treat you to a brownie sundae. Nice job on the weight loss & I wish you great success in not gaining your third ass back. I guess I'd better take you out for a glass or 5 of wine instead of the sundae.

Furthermore, please quit calling my boyfriend with your kidney stone problems. Try the infectious disease hotline. You probably have them programmed in to your speed dial.

Warmest regards,

Lola

*name has been changed because her name sucks & this one is better.