Thursday, September 11, 2008

The games people play

I swear I did not create this blog to journal all about my relationship with J. But, dammit, he's the only thing remotely interesting in my life. You don't want to read about my latest pedicure or my need for highlights.

J's brother is getting married this weekend. (His bride's name is Lola, too!) Back when J & I first started dating this summer he asked me to go with him. And naturally, I agreed.

Fast forward.

The wedding had gotten swept under the rug of non existence all summer long. About 3 weeks ago I think I asked him if he still wanted me to go. Of course, a girl has to plan an entire wardrobe around a wedding. I needed time to do this. This is where J's confession comes out.

"My ex-girlfriend is going to be there."

Well, fine. She exists. I get it. She's a friend of the bride. Can't fault Lola #2 for that! She & J are still friends. Whatever. (You know I wouldn't really have a problem with it if he wasn't so secretive about their friendship. But, flip the coin & maybe I don't want to know anything about their "friendship") And, yes, they were together for 6 years. That's the length of my marriage. The point is, I'm his girlfriend now & we're happy. So, what's the big deal? I told him at that moment that it was fine that she was there & I would not hold it against him. I am a 31 year old, well-mannered (when I want to be) lady & I would never do anything to embarrass him or his family.

Oh & guess what? I am way cuter than she is. I get one free catty pass, right?

Well, last week I decided it was time to purchase the dress I would wear for the blessed union of the two love birds even though J hadn't brought it up in about 3 weeks. I still purchased a knock out dress, fabulous shoes & if I could just get a pair of Spanx by Saturday I will be good to go. J showed ZERO interest in my dress. None. I don't know, he's pretty stylish & a bit metro-sexual. I figured he'd be dying to know what I would be wearing. Nah. No interest. I was disappointed to say the very least.

And then this week goes by without ONE WORD from him on the wedding. Keep in mind that this is a destination wedding. West Virginia here we come. Snort.

By the time Tuesday rolled around I knew he was uncomfortable about something & decided to play this game. I'd wait for him to come out with it & then get mad while accusing him of not wanting me to go. It all made perfect sense inside my pea brain. I really am an asshole. Just sayin'.

This morning here goes the IM. (and I'm para-phrasing & making you guess who is saying what)

"I'm stressed"

"About what?"

"You don't want to hear it."

"Of course I do"

"I'm worried about the wedding."

"Oh, really? Why?"

"I'm afraid my kids will pay more attention to What's Her Name than you."


We have the excuse I was looking for. So, for the next hour I get mad. I'm mad because I know he's really worried about me being at the wedding with her. I don't know if he's afraid I'm going to be a douche, an asshole or embarrass him in front of his family. Part of me thinks maybe they are a little more than "friends" & he doesn't want me to find out thus creating a lot of anxiety for him.

He got very upset I jumped to conclusions, but without communication you naturally assume the worst. Am I wrong? I would think that in a reversal of roles I would do everything I could to express just how much it meant to me for him to go somewhere even if my exboyfriend/girlfriend was in attendance. It's naturally an awkward situation & if he's awkward than how can I not be?

Well, I am still sitting up on my high horse not believing that he just forgot to tell me the plans for the wedding. Less than 24 hours until we leave & he's just now telling me. What the fuck? This requires me to take 1/2 a day off work, skip the gym tonight to pack & go find a new outfit for the rehearsal dinner that I didn't know I was invited.

"I suck at planning."

That's his excuse.

Now, I'm wrong on many levels here. I know I am. But, I'm hurt that he made no mention of any wedding plans all week because he's uncomfortable about his ex-girlfriend being there. I made it very well known that I didn't care if she was going to be there.

Fuck it, weddings are fun & I have a hot dress to wear.

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