Friday Randomness

1. Hottie #1 & Weiner just cancelled on us. Apparently they can't get along long enough to go hang out with us. Boo!

2. J has no ID. That pretty much limits what we do all weekend. Grrr.

3. When in Nordstrom Rack, watch out for the Tart buying the sequin tube top! Cha-ching!

4. When in Nordstrom Rack, be cool. Be very, very cool. Everyone is staring at you. And, they are all better dressed than you are!

4. I just wanted to see if you were paying attention.

5. I wrote my paragraph today for my Nana's funeral & she has not passed away yet. I figure it'll take me months to revise it & it's always better to plan ahead. Is this wrong?

6. I miss my sister. Nini, I love you!

7. I have a sudden craving for Luby's Cafeteria. I want the fish, mac & cheese & chocolate ice box pie. Sadly, there is no Luby's in Northern VA.

8. I am taking myself to see the remake of Clash of the Titans next week!

9. I need to put on my makeup so we can go out. I'm starving.

10. Why do I need a 10 when I have two 4's?

Have a great weekend!

Not another depressing blog.

Really, I'm sick of being sick. I've spent the past two days in bed, sleeping. I am sick. Or am I? I went to the doctor & it's "viral", but I think my sleeping 21 out of 24 hours is more than that.

That fog has cleared.

So, today is Friday. My mother came to me in my dream last night & told me, again, that my sister & I had to tell Nana it was okay to go home. My sister is going this weekend to complete that task. I will not be flying. (I'm sick, duh!) But, she will allow me to do my part on the phone. It's sad & depressing, but this is not another depressing blog. I don't care what I've typed thus far.

The good news is that J has done an amazing job caring for the children while I've been on my own private "death" bed. All things considered, him & I have had a good week. I appreciated him this week.

I woke up with my lymph node in my neck swollen so badly, but J gave me a happy pill & the pain has subsided. I'm going to the mall. I have never felt skinny in my life, but I'm starting to look thin-ish. At the doctor yesterday I was down to 142, which is almost insane for my body type. Needless to say, I am swimming in my clothes right now. Swollen neck or not, J & I are going out tonight with our besties, Hottie #1 & Weiner, & I am not wearing a moo moo. I'm going to enjoy this size 6 body for a minute & find something extremely flattering.

Why?

Because it will make me forget about all the other shit in my life, even if only for one night.

So, while things aren't peachy keen, jelly bean, they are calm for the moment. Even if I am typing under the influence of prescription pain medicine, I am content. For now.

Enjoy the weekend. Hold the ones you love close. And, may everyone who reads this find peace... even if it comes in a bottle.

Snort.

There. I gave you a snort. Go on! Have some fun!

Another blah blog on another blah day.

Struggle.

That's where I am right now.

My Nana is dying. My relationship is taking some serious hits. And, my children are testing my patience. All, in a day's work, right?

I need some clarity. Some focus. Some food. (I've lost about 5 more lbs in the past few weeks without even trying!)

I did have a dear friend, Ladyhawk, come visit me on Friday & she made me a to-do list. I am proud to announce to her (she reads my blog) that I have finally returned my library books! And, more. I have actually made a dent in the list & it feels good.

It's nice to have someone's help, even with the little things.

So, I will continue to pound away on my list & maybe in the process find some clarity in all of this.

Signed,
Lost

I could pour my heart out here

or I could just tell you that my life is falling to pieces & leave it at that.

There are times in your life when you just want to crawl in the bed, pull the covers up over you & not wake up for 100 years. Well, my time for that is now.

My body aches, my stomach is in knots & I can't sleep. I am stressed to the max. I just spent six of the longest days of my life advocating loudly for the most amazing woman I've ever known. I get home last night & every time I turn a corner there is a slap in my face. The ex purposely didn't invite my daughters to Lavagirl's birthday party. My girls are devestated. We owe Reston Association 1700 dollars & can't even park in our spots. My house is a mess. J & I are fighting about all of the above because I cannot be calm about anything now.

I just want to scream. Or cry. Or both.

I have so many funny things to blog about, but I just am not motivated today. Maybe tomorrow.

German Shephards, Taco Soup, Feeding Tubes, Sleep Deprivation & Sexting

all things happening in texas at this moment in time!!

Hi, It is Lola's sister!

1. Ive pretty much been awake since Tuesday Morning at 6:30 am.

2. I miss my son and my husband

3. My Nana just got back from recovery, and now is the proud owner of a feeding tube. Lets hope this helps!

4. My nana is shivering.

5. My Nana cussed me out all night. Do people who are the sweetest people eva get mean when they may or may not be dying. Im voting yes at this moment in time, but i still love her like a fat kid loves cake.

6. My sister is sexting with a drunk fiance. He may or may not be sleeping on the front porch. This sounds like a another blog in the making.

7. We bought vodka in honor of reading chelsea handlers book are you there vodka its me chelsea.

8. Only in Katy texas can you go to a liquor store where they also rent uhauls to find behind the counter a german shephard baring teeth and barking at customers.

9. Just had the best taco soup in the world. Lola made it and it was the best!

10. We are gonna play slap jack b/c I am to tired to think of how to play spades.


PEACE OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BEEYOTCHES!


ps. my aunt is charging her phone in the bathroom, and she is talking to someone she so thinks we cant hear maybe but she so just farted and didnt skip a beat in her convo on the phone

Blogging while my sister is laying next to me in a hosptial room in Katy, TX on a rainy Thursday afternoon.

What really happens when we die?

As I sit here in my Nana's hospital room listening to her plan her funeral (what that really means is I am listening to her ramble about canceling a meal & who is going to open the cemetary gates) I am pondering this morbid topic, again.

Is there a heaven? And, how do we get in line for it? J & I had this conversation on the way to the airport yesterday. He told me he was afraid of dying because he wasn't really sure he believed in heaven. Is heaven just a place someone dreamed up so we don't have to be afraid to die? I don't know about you, but the thought of rotting in the ground is not appealing to me by any means. But, I'm a realist. I don't necessarily think we will bounce from cloud to cloud with the angels, either. It's one of those things I try not to think about because the outcome of my thoughts leaves me a bit sad, but as I watch the life leave my Nana I can't help but wonder about it all over again.

I can admit it. I am also afraid fo dying. I'm nowhere near ready to leave this Earth, but I know from experience that I could go at any given second on any given day. And, that sucks. I really hope there is a nice place we all go when we depart because I confess: the thought of that brings me comfort, too.

Did I just conform?

Anyways, this blog sucks & I am tired of thinking about death. I will sit here & watch my sister sleep. She has been up for two nights with Nana & she has earned herself a nice nap.

This blog brought to you by vodka at 30,000 feet.

I am flying to Houston as I type & I'm online. How crazy is that? I did not know airlines had wi fi, but I am very excited that it only cost me 10 bucks. The vodka I am drinking cost me 6 bucks. The flight attendant gave me a buy one mini bottle of Finlandia get one free. So, happy Lola is getting buzzed before visiting her dying Nana.

I'm fucked.

No, seriously, I am at peace with this. Nana told my sister this morning that our mother told her she cannot die until I get there. After speaking to my long lost friend, MJ, I am convinced Nana is straddling two worlds. The real world & the after life. It is so crazy, but I don't think it's dementia. I will write more when I actually get there & lay eyes on her.

And, what day of mine wouldn't be ruined without a little ex-wife drama. The fucking cunt is refusing to invite the twins to Lavagirl's birthday party. Madison invited the twins & now we get to tell all three girls that Thing 1 & Thing 2 cannot attend because ex-wife is a whoreface bitchfucker.

Life is too short to be angry, so my vodka is cleansing my anger away.

I love flying.

Leaving on a jet plane, again.

Texas calls & I answer. I'm packing my bag, again, and heading down to the great state that I call home. Boy, this traveling is getting expensive!

One thing you have to understand is that my family is very close. We have been through a lot through the years. I had a cousin die at 16 in a car accident. Allison & I were very close. I was only 15 when she passed away & I remember my mother waking me up very early one morning to tell me Allie had been killed. It was a nightmare for me at 15. But, with the strength of our family, we all made it through that tragedy.

Five years later my mother passed away. She had gone through a liver transplant that was successful! Right before she was scheduled to leave the hospital they performed a routine needle biopsy & punctured the main artery in her liver causing her to hemorrhage. She died on the operating room table as they tried to stop the bleeding & there were able to revive her, but she was ultimately brain dead. We left her on the machines for 13 long days praying to God for a miracle. He didn't grant us one. I was 22 years old when I had to sign the paper to take her off of life support. My sister was 19. We were "orphans". But, we made it through that horrible experience with the help of my Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles & cousins.

Three years ago we lost the most wonderful man to a stroke. Papa had been a cancer survivor & was battling Alzheimer's at the time when he had a stroke. He fell out of bed one night & the next few days were brutal. At this time I lived up here in Virginia so I could not be with them. I remember asking when I should come & I didn't end up going until after he passed away. I still kick myself for not going with my gut & getting on that plane right when I got the call that he was in the hospital.

My Grandparents had been married for 53 years & Papa's death took a huge toll on Nana. But, she survived with the help of her 3 living children & grandchildren.

Last September, I was sitting in the elementary school cafeteria when I got the call that my Aunt Karen has died in her sleep the night before. I was heartbroken. She was an amazing person & I admired her greatly. My mother used to tell me that I was a lot like my Aunt Karen & I took great pride in knowing that that meant my Mom thought I was just as amazing as she had been. I left immediately for home to be with my seemingly shrinking family.

Now, my Nana is fighting for her life. Or, not fighting. I know she's ready to move on to the next chapter, but selfishly, I am not ready to lose her. It's tough living 1300 miles away from your family because I know they need me. The ones that can take turns sitting with her at the hospital, but the ones that can are very few. We all have our own lives. We have families, jobs, commitments, etc.

So. I'm rambling. The point is, once again I am faced with do I hop on the plane & go down there or do I wait? Is Nana going to gain some strength & her memory back to have a "better" visit? Everyone in my family tells me something different. Don't come now because she may be better next week. Come now because next time you come she may not know who you are. It's confusing. And, I know the choice is mine.

My family will survive the five days I am gone. Yes, it'll be hard on them, but I know when I am needed. And, that time is now.

Talk about a bad day.

Not today. Today is a good day. Today is a great day!

Last Thursday, however, was not a great day.

I took Thing 1 & Thing 2 for their 6 year old check up & the doctor told me that my children are obese. I just blogged about this topic last month. Sigh. Do I think they are obese? Fuck no. They are tall & they are big, but obese? So, I have to monitor what they eat & tell them no when they ask for things I am not supposed to give them. Sigh. They are not supposed to gain any significant weight for 2 years. What the fuck. Mother is not happy.

Lavagirl got in trouble for scratching a kid at school. She has never put her hands on anyone at school, although she does use physical force with the twins. She has hit, pushed & kicked both of them. It infuriates me, but that's another blog for another day. The bottom line is that she cannot express her emotions with her words so she uses her hands. Not good. Not good at all.

The Boy forged his mother's signature on his progress report. Sigh. He is 12 & I know this is just the beginning of him experimenting with trouble, but I hope this is the last of it. He is grounded. Grounded is not a word in his vocabulary. All weekend long he wanted to do this & that & the other. J finally broke down & let his girlfriend come over for dinner last night. I was not happy. But, who am I? Just the make believe mom.... hahaha!

How ironic it was that we had issues with all four children in one day?

What did J & I do about it? We went out for margaritas. Snort.

Playing with the Queen of Tarts

Queen of Tarts - "What did you do to your hair?"

Lola - "I sweated" (I HAD just left the gym!)

I tucked my tail between my legs & fled Target as fast I could. I forgot my juice pouches. Sigh.

Oh well, there is always next time.




Glee is back on next Tuesday, btw!

Signs, signs, everywhere are signs...

Four months until the wedding & I have no caterer, no officiant, no decorations, no flowers, no cake & no DJ.

I have nothing.

I have tried to join those wedding websites. The Knot, The Wedding Channel, you know? But, I just can't get motivated. J hasn't even picked groomsmen. I think he's even less prepared than I.

Is this a sign?

She's baaaaaaaaaaaack.

I'll update you in list format. My favorite.

1. I love Texas. I love cowboy boots, bluebonnets, Sonic happy hour, my family, Mo's Place, horse back riding, baby ducks & delicious Mexican food.

2. I've been up since 4am. It is almost midnight. I should sleep.

3. Today is Easter & I have eaten a TON of chocolate candy. Fat day!

4. I am looking forward to hitting the gym tomorrow for the first time in 2 weeks.

5. My Nana is not doing well.

6. I had sex today! And, it was amazing. I think J may have missed me while I was gone. The Easter bunny bought new lingerie!

7. I just ate more chocolate.

8. My dad did show up to lunch & brought my younger brothers. I wish they were really a part of my life, but I know they never will be. It is incredibly sad. My dad, that is.

9. I have cable television for the first time in over a year. What should I watch first?

10. My divorce is finally final. (Ladyhawk, we should go celebrate by having lunch this week!)

I'm exhausted - physically & mentally. I do have faith that this week I will resume my "normal" life & not lay around in bed all week. My goal is to work out four times this week. I also want to have sex four times this week. Fuck it, I may do everything times four this week just so I have something fun to blog about.