Chest wall contusion, anyone?

Drinking with your friends is all fun & games until you bruise your ribcage.

Hottie #2, her flavor of the week, Meesh (my awesome next door neighbor), J & I went to the Herndon festival last night to see the Legwarmers. They are an awesome 80's cover band. We were double fisting Shock Top having the time of our lives. When they were done we went across the street to Jimmy's Tavern. It's unusual for Meesh & I to get to go out on a weeknight due to kiddos & such so we weren't going to half ass this night.

We decide to do Irish car bombs in honor of Meesh, who is proudly half Irish.

And wouldn't you know Jimmy's was having 80's night? So, after a few hours of drinking & dancing, flirting with boys, flirting with girls, more drinking & more dancing I get knocked down by the Flavor. I'm not quite sure how it happened, but I landed wrong & in one fail swoop the bouncer & the boys helped me up off the bar floor. Very embarrassing.

I continue with my night. It was a riot. I love my friends.

I woke up this morning with an ugly bruise on my thigh & a sharp pain on my side that feels like I'm being stabbed each time I take a deep breath. At first I thought I was just hungover, but after reaching for my laptop & screaming as I turned the wrong way I decided I probably needed to go the ER.

What do you say when you go the ER after a drinking injury? Too mortified to tell the truth I concocted a story about falling down the stairs. Snort.

One x-ray, urine sample & prescription for Vicodin later, I am resting at home.

Another wild night.

In an effort to show my cousin from Texas a great DC time, we enlisted in the help of our friends - Hottie #1 & Weiner. Every time we hang with them we just get stupid. Saturday night was no different.

We met the usual suspects in Georgetown. Weiner had docked his boat & was having a vicious crazy boat party. Hottie #1 had mentioned these to me before, but we had never been able to make it out. Now, I can see why they do this often.

First of all, blame it on the vodka. Para.

Second of all, J & I are nuts. And she was hot.

Third of all, well, cousin from Texas is a badass & that's all there is to it. All you have to do is scream, "Drink it like you're from Texas!" & she'll chug that bottle of vodka.

No Meg Stands that night, but plenty of good times & a lot less physical injuries. I actually stood on Mya's boat.



Too bad she had already left with Jordin Sparks.

Snort.

My life is insane & I'm insane because of it!

American Idol Bust

I am definitely an Adam fan. My entire family grew to love & appreciate Adam's sense of style... musically & otherwise.

Adam didn't win American Idol last night, but that's okay. That's not the big disappointment. He WILL be famous. Absolutely.

ADAM IS GAY!

Gay. Yes, gay.

Cry.

Sniff.

Pout.

I normally don't have a problem with a person's sexuality, but I have a big problem here. If Adam is gay then I have a zero chance in hell at scoring with him & let's just be honest... if he moves his hips that well on stage can you imagine how good he is off stage?

Sometimes life isn't fair.

But, rock on Adam! I usually have amazing gaydar, but for once I didn't see this & maybe it's because of my Adam fantasies. Now that I'm looking back on old interviews & shows I can TOTALLY see the gayness pouring out from under his black eyeliner.

Life Less Ordinary

Thoughtful Tuesday.

My friend, MJ, called me this morning. We don't talk very often anymore. She's a busy nursing student & I'm a busy, whatever I am. So, it was nice to chat this morning while we were both driving to work. She mentioned she caught up on my blog & wanted to make sure I was okay.

I assured her that I was okay.

So, I figured I should write something a little more positive so that I don't seem like some big, ol' Debbie Downer.

J'Michael (J's new name) is starting a new company. He's going through a lot & I'm not making his life any easier. So, I'd just like to tell the world (or 4 people that will read this blog) how proud I am of him. I know dissolving one company & starting a new one has been mentally draining, but he still comes home every day with a smile on his face. Well, a half smile. Okay, well at least he isn't screaming. Snort.

And here we are almost one whole year in to this tumultuous relationship & some days I'm in awe that we've made it this far. We've had more ups & downs than a roller coaster, but I wouldn't trade it in for the world. The day we sat in the back of his Tahoe with the children watching the fireworks & he brushed his hand on my leg, twice, I was pretty sure this was going somewhere. And, it did. And, it continues to go somewhere every day even if some days it seems like it's going to hell. Snort.

That was a joke.

So, to my darling... because cheese is good.

It's just another manic monday.

I did, however, get up & go to the gym. It was awesome. And I feel good because of it... even if I didn't get to the office until 11:30am.

We had a low-key weekend. Well, up until Sunday. It was the Spring Festival & our team had a table. My boss & I got in to a huge fight & for about 30 minutes I was sure I was quitting. I'm not making any money anyways. What would it matter? We smoothed things over, but I am really starting to think that I'm not in the right place. I know I'm in the right career. I love real estate. I just can't survive on not making any money at all. I DID pick up a 750,000 listing that I'm really happy about, but if it doesn't sell then I don't make squat.

So, I can't put all my eggs in that basket.

J & I are fighting a lot again lately. He swears it is all career related, but I'm not so sure. We usually have the same fights, repeatedly. It's nice to not come up with new shit to argue about because we make the old fights REALLY DRAMATIC. Seriously. Roll eyes...

There was a time in my life where I'd pack it all up & just leave, but I can't do that. And I don't want to do that... most days. Para. I do want to get to a better place. A happier place. A more stable, solid place. And, it is going to have to start with me.

I feel like a stale bag of Fritos.

Nothing tastes worse than stale Fritos.

I feel like the carbonation has been sucked from my Diet Dr. Pepper bottle leaving me with a flat, brown liquid that tastes almost like stale Fritos.

In other words, life's a little bland right now. I'm not in a bad mood, but I'm not in a great mood, either. Something is going on, but I can't quite place my finger on it just yet. But, my Jedi powers tell me that this is just the calm before the storm.

I just hope it isn't a shit storm.

All my exes live in Texas

No, that's not true. But, sometimes I wish.

But, have you ever had a blast from your past just attempt to get in touch with you from out of the blue?

It's always awkward when that happens.

Dear Ex,

I'm happy, healthy & sexually satisfied. What else is there left to say?

Regards,
Lola

Happy Mother's Day

I have a love/hate relationship with this day. I love being a mother. But, having lost my own mother 10 years ago this day brings back some painful memories. It gets easier as the years go on & this year is no exception.

I'm now a mom x 4 & all the kids are home today. I am enjoying all the craziness that is my life & knowing that I wouldn't trade it for the world.

So, Happy Mother's Day to everyone! I hope you are as richly blessed as I!

And I love these guys.

The one on the left is my man. The one on the right was just happy to see me all day. Double freaking snort.

Here's to the night...

No explanations needed. I love my friends.

The joys of facebook

Somehow these pictures ended up on someone's facebook that I don't even remember meeting.

MEG STAND!

Saturday May 2nd

8:30am - wake up hungover from drinking 2 bottles of cheap wine with my next door neighbor.

8:45am - take advil. It's going to be a long day.

9:00am - get ready for Gold Cup. (all day drinking fest - I mean horse race)

10:30am - arrive at Weiner's house. Everyone is already drinking. I just want coffee so I decline.

11:00am - we leave for Gold Cup. Hottie #2 nibbles on my shoulder in the back seat. I liked it. A lot.

11:45am - pick up Weiner's boss' Au Pair. She's 19, from France & just arrived in the states yesterday. This is fun.

12:30pm - I'm sitting bitch in my own car. It's not comfortable. J is lost. We are all hungry, thirsty & ready to party like rock stars.

1:00pm - Arrive at Gold Cup. Admire the attire. Walk half a mile to our tent.

1:15pm - Jungle juice, trash can punch, kool aid & everclear punch is served.

1:17pm - I decide to eat a little something before this punch gets to me.

1:19pm - Drink more punch.

2:00pm - People are loosening up a little. Big Boobs stalks me. Her tits are the biggest ones I've ever seen. I can't stop staring. She's so annoying & tells me that the punch is good, but will turn your lips orange. She offers to check on me from time to time to ensure my lips stay perfect. I accept.

2:15pm - Horse betting is going on. Do people really come to Gold Cup to watch horses?

2:30pm - Hottie #1 decides we are doing shots. J looks at me like I'm crazy. I don't care. To the bar we go.

2:45pm - There is a ton of alcohol & we are still deciding what to shoot. We do vodka with lemons. I am playing bartender.

2:46pm - Hottie #1 thinks we should do another. I oblige.

2:49pm - Hottie #1 finds a bottle of jager, but no red bull. Sorry!

3:00pm - 4:00pm

This one is a time block. Hottie #1, Hottie #2, me, Denver & Richie Rich get stupid. We are taking turns concocting shots made with probably more liquor than I've ever had at one time. I decide I love the Gold Cup. Big Boobs crazy girl keeps stalking me. No, I don't want to friend you on facebook. I'm busy. Denver makes the most incredible shot. It has coconut rum in it & goes down smooth. The girls all decide to go to the Port-a Potty.

"It smells good in here!" - Hottie #1

We walk back to our tent & something crashes. I thought it was Richie Rich for sure. It was not. So we go back to the "bar" & drink Richie's shots. At this point I am hammered.

4:00pm - J & I leave. Booooooooooo. But we have a benefit dinner that evening & need to change. We take 3 drunk people in our car that we don't know, but are friends of Hottie #1 & Weiner. We get 2 miles down the road & Ugly Dress Girl has to throw up.

4:15pm - still waiting for her to puke. Her friend gets out to hold her hair. Her friend's meat head of a boyfriend sits in my car with a bored look on his face.

4:18pm - here comes a cop. Nice.

4:25pm - J passes his sobriety test & we keep going. They want a ride to Ashburn.

5:30pm - We finally get them home. They were annoying. Stupid drunk people.

6:00pm - We get home, changed & on to our next event.

6:45pm - We arrive at the benefit dinner. I have 3 glasses of wine before dinner. J's slamming vodka & tonic. He swears he isn't drunk, yet. Whatever. He always does that!

6:46pm - Hottie #2 starts texting. Drama is going down.

7:00pm - Thank god for cheese cubes.

7:10pm - We talk to Hottie #2 to get the scoop. It's not looking good & she can't find her keys.

7:30pm - Dinner is served, we are drunk & we are sitting with a bunch of people we don't know. I am trying not to act drunk.

8:00pm - I make a comment about how lobster is so fun to eat around people you don't know. I make it through my lobster & eat part of J's. It was delicious & I'm grateful that I did not spill anything.

8:30pm - Still trying to figure out the drama as our phones blow up during dinner. I am not convinced that I have Hottie #2's keys in my car. We decide to leave soon.

9:00pm - We make an early exit & head back to Weiner's house.

9:15pm - I decide to distract the driver, but was shot down. Oh well.

9:30pm - Arrive at Weiner's house. The keys are in my car & Hottie #2 goes home.

9:34pm - I get their version of the drama. I decide to just drink heavily.

10:00pm - We go outside to do keg stands. Seriously.

10:10pm - I complete my first keg stand of the night. My dress doesn't go up over my waist & I'm glad about that.

10:15pm - We do another. This time our audience has grown as everyone starts to come outside to see our keg stands. I pose for every picture. I am drinking red bull & vodka & beer. Richie Rich passes out shots.

10:30pm - I do another keg stand. As I am going back down my hands slip off the keg & I see myself falling head first to the pavement. An angel saves me before I face plant & I only end up with minor injuries.

10:34pm - I have a strange red line on my arm from my fall. I look like I injected heroin.

10:34pm - midnight

Another time block, albeit, I do not remember much. At this point I've had more to drink that I have since I was 23. The neighbors are complaining. I am getting loud & obnoxious. I decide I like Richie Rich, but wish Denver hadn't passed out. Hottie #1 decides to go to bed, but we see her boobs first. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!

9:50am the next morning - I'm sitting here with a very sore arm & a strange red line down it. I'm not really hungover, just tired. I can't sleep because every time I close my eyes I see myself going head first to the pavement after my infamous "Meg Stand" & it really scares me. I'm going to have to retire the Meg Stand. I am too old to drink upside down.