Monday, May 31, 2010

Memorial Day Weekend randomness

I love long weekends... especially kid free weekends. ha.

So, I was out with my girlfriends on Friday night & my friend, Hottie #2, asked me to stop writing depressing blogs & try to think of something fun to write about.

Just like old times.

I did have quite a few cocktails on Friday & a shot of tequila prior to going to the movies on Friday night, We went & saw Sex and the City 2 & it was phenomenal. I would love to be Carrie Bradshaw. I have quite the obsession with expensive shoes although I do not own a single pair of Jimmy Choo or Manolo Blahniks. One day, Lola, one day!

Saturday, J & I slept in & then in the late afternoon we went to his dad's house for wedding planning with the step mom & swimming in the heated pool. I was really worried about wearing a bikini in front of J's dad. He is a pervert, albeit, I find him strangely sexy. He's in his mid 50's & I will be honest with you... if J looks half that good at that age, I will be one lucky lady! It's not just dad's looks, but his personality makes him very, very attractive. No worries though, I already tried my luck at home wrecking & it didn't work out so well for me.

J is going to die when he reads this blog.

So, J's dad & step mom continue to try run my wedding show & insisting that we get married at 10am. What the fuck? I have no intention of having a morning wedding, I don't care if they are helping us pay for it. It's just not in my vision. And, I'm the bride, dammit.

But, swimming was fun. J's dad only brushed up against me lightly, once. What fun! (insert paranoid face) What can I say? Sometimes I do fantasize about being his 4th wife. Every time he marries he goes for a younger bride & I certainly fit that bill! Plus, I could own three pairs of Manolo Blahniks, a shit load of Tori Burch purses AND spend my days redecorating my already gorgeous home! And, if I get tired of that, I'm going to lay out at the pool every day cocktail in hand. It's good to have dreams...

Along comes Sunday. Hottie #2 asked me to have a cookout, so we obliged. We invited J's family, his kids came up from their mom's house, some of J's work friends, Hottie #2 & her friend Hottie #3 plus her fiance. Wow, full fucking house. We drank, ate & drank some more. Well, I didn't really drink that much. I couldn't get in to the wine. Occasionally, that happens. I'm afraid Hottie #2 was disappointed in me because I more worried about the crumbs on my floors rather than pouring myself a drink.

When everyone had left, it was me, J & the Boy. He is boycotting his mother's home & that's another blog for another day...

We get an invite to go a few streets away to hang out with a couple that J has been friends with for a while. They have a son that is in school with the Boy & so, at 10:30pm we leave the house to go hang out. When we arrive, we run in to a couple that had previously been to our party & a handful of late 30 something, attractive people. The kids all went inside to watch Transformers & the adults were sitting on the back patio with drinks in hand & many, many empty wine bottles. Although it is somewhat annoying to surround yourself with drinky people when all you are drinking is a diet coke out of a red, solo cup, it was fun to have some adult conversation. Drinky people are entertaining.

Then the strangest thing happened. (no we did not get naked) The man of the house, J's friend, went upstairs & then resurfaced with some "action". (that's my code for herbal refreshment) And, as I listen to this very attractive soccer mom that probably moonlights as a barbie doll talk about smoking a bowl at night after her kids go to sleep & then indulging in Hershey Kisses that she keeps stashed in her nightstand drawer next to her sex toys, I knew I had just met some really fucking cool parents. And, I immediately knew I was to write a blog about my experience. These people had this down to a science. The patio was dark with the exception of a few citronella candles AND the lady of the house lit an incense cone to hide the evidence.

And to think, these are PTA parents!

The next thing I know, I become the ultimate party pooper! Out of nowhere (snort) I felt this raging migraine from hell coming on & we had to exit the party immediately as when I get a migraine I am known to vomit. That put a huge damper on my buzz, but I knew that I had something interesting to put in my blog other than death & taxes.

What's on my Monday agenda? Golf with the boy & J. Yes, I am finally going to put my pink clubs to use...

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