Oh my gosh!

I'm a squash!

Just trying to divert my anger with a little squash humor.

Ms. Starr goes to Washington

That's right. I went in the 90 degree April heat with a bunch of insane 5th graders on a bus with no air conditioning.

A few weeks ago the Boy asked me if I wanted to accompany him on his field trip. At first I was over the moon because I thought he asked me first. However, he did not. He did invite his dad first. (which I quickly got over) He may have asked his mother for all I know, but her work schedule is not as flexible as mine. So, I win. I get to go. Wooo hoooo.

The trip was to the Smithsonian Natural History museum. I was excited because I had never seen the Hope diamond. AND, they have a really neat exhibit on forensics. They even have skeletal remains of fetuses, which is very disturbing. However, very interesting...

So, I get to the school & start hanging out with another mom. I'm obviously younger than all of the moms & it's a little awkward. I was only 20 when the Boy was born. Para. This mom was cool & she was actually the mom of one of the Boy's friends. So, we're chatting & she asks how long we had been married. Well, duh, we're not married, but the Boy refers to me as his step mother anyways. I hated having to explain my life to a complete stranger, but she kept asking me questions. Wugh.

Then, I meet the Boy's teacher who is young, cute & pregnant with TWINS! I give her my brief spiel about how awesome it is to have twins & that after the first year she will get to sleep a little bit. Snort.

I get on the bus & the Boy wants me to sit with him. I was surprised, but it was nice. So on this bus we are surrounded by obnoxious 10 & 11 year old boys. They were noisy, annoying & rambunctious. I sat there quietly thanking the Gods that my "son" was well-behaved.

We get there & I am in charge of a group of 4. One boy keeps calling the Boy the spoiled rich kid who only cares about skateboarding. I think he was being affectionate, but can't say for certain. We are not rich, for sure! And, well, the rest is probably true. Snort. Then I had the girl who thought it was cool to say shit in front of me. And another girl who was desperately trying to get out of my group & in to the group with her BFF. Ah, to be 11!

I bought my group candy from the gift shop only to be outdone by another mom who bought her group ice cream. WTH?

An hour & a half later we had seen all the exhibits we wanted & it was time for lunch outside on the curb in the hot sun. Oh the joy. Why did I wear jeans?

We got home & I was exhausted.

In fact, I'm still tired. But, I had a great time & I know the Boy was grateful that I was on my best "cool mom" behavior.

Until next time.

What's going on this week?

1. Kindergarten registration. It's official. I have moved to Reston.

2. I emailed my dad today. It's weird. Really weird.

3. I'm really stressed about money. I work really hard & haven't made squat.

4. I need new tennis shoes. Desperately.

5. I need a lot of other things, too, but sometimes you just can't financially swing it.

6. I have a busy weekend planned & it's only Monday.

7. The kid's birthdays are done for a while. Whew.

8. My birthday is in exactly 2 months.

9. I have wasted enough time. Back to work.

Interesting thoughts for the day.

We've all made mistakes. No one is perfect, right?

Do you ever feel that by sharing your mistakes with someone close to your heart that it almost always makes you susceptible to being hung before ever standing trial?

I guess I'll elaborate.

If someone near & dear to you in a previous life had been found guilty of stealing hamburgers would you be a little leery of cooking up chopped up cow?

Hmm. I'll try again.

If the person who claims to be the love of your life once cut off a man's toes in his sleep would you wear a chastity belt around your feet at night?

I can't only take the blame for this. I am not only the giver of the judgment, but very much a receiver. At what point do you stop punishing the other for past mistakes? I mean, for my entire life I always heard the phrase, "Honesty is the best policy". But, is it?

Is there such a thing as being too honest? Isn't there a certain beauty to being loved unconditionally, mistakes & all? Does history always repeat itself? Do people change? Do we learn? Do we grow while learning from our past mistakes? Am I driving you nuts? Do you want me to shut up? Can I get you a drink?

Interesting thoughts...

Lola's top 10 reasons she loves J.

10. Hot sex in the morning.

9. The maid came today.

8. He loves my children. Even when they are whiny, annoying & disrespectful. (which is like NEVER)

7. He's sexy. C'mon. You think so, too. Admit it.

6. He thinks I'm sexy. (even when I don't think I am)

5. His willingness to share. He is definitely not selfish.

4. His ability to argue with me. And much to my dismay, he is sometimes right even in my "I'm always right" world.

3. His determination. He never quits on me. And no, this isn't a sexual reference. Snort.

2. His children. Who have become my children...

1. His insane sense of humor.

And the man with the golden gun

thinks he knows so much.

Sometimes a little Tori Amos interlude is a good thing.

My dad's wife is a bitch. Unfortunately, I won't give her the satisfaction of telling this to her face (ahem, inbox) since I don't want her to know that I care about her either way.

My nephew, Colt 45, has fever induced seizures. And, when Colt 45 was about a year old, my sister wrote my dad a letter asking him for his family history due to the seizures. Naturally, my dad never got the letter.

It's been 8 or 9 years since we last had contact with my dad & Step Bitch. Obviously, she doesn't really want him to be a father to us & probably never has. This explains the fact that he only contacted us as children when they were separated. And, we did have contact after our mom died for about a year, but that ended with a horrible family vacation to Colorado. Step Bitch got drunk & declared her hatred for our mother... who had been dead for more than a year. Then she proceeded to jump in the hot tub & make out with some dudes 1/2 her age. Yep, she's a winner. I give her two thumbs down.

Anyways, in an email exchange my sister just had with my dad she asked about the seizures & the letter. I assume he forwarded it to his wife, asked about the letter & they went back & forth in an email exchange.

Next thing you know, Sister conveniently gets cc'd an email from my Step Bitch to my dad...

Did u tell Sister about her mom's seizures when drinking alcohol???

She was very careful to cut out her entire email exchange with my dad, but decided to copy Sister on that part?

And yes, my mother was an alcoholic. When she passed away she had been sober for 12 years. Do we need another painful reminder of this? And what the fuck do fever induced seizures have to do with seizures from drinking too much? And what does it possibly do for you to hate on a dead woman?

I created a response to Step Bitch in my head & it went something like this -

Thing 1 fell down the stairs last night. I guess you should tell about the times my mom was so wasted that she could hardly walk!

I can't sleep

I've become an insomniac this week & it sucks.

Yawn.

Yawn.

Yawn.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

The Mourning Dove

When my life changes, the dove calls. And, today I've heard him twice. Once when I dropped the twins off to their dad's & once when I was walking to get my lunch.

Some things to pay attention to when Dove appears:

People often find that unexpected and unseen support and assistance comes when they need it most.

Travel is often indicated when Dove appears prominently, and this may include relocation to a new home.

A death, either physical (of someone one knows or is close to) or symbolic (within the individual) may occur and while it may bring grief, there is also quite often a sense of relief and gratitude that suffering has finally ended and peace will soon be at hand.

A new relationship may begin or an old one rekindled.

The ways and means of leaving a destructive or difficult situation is at hand. Life is about to become much more peaceful and satisfying on all levels.

http://morningstar.netfirms.com/dove.html

Essentially it's about fresh starts, releasing emotions, moving on, letting go & the beginning of something new (or rekindling of something old).

Well, today I spoke to my father for the first time since 2001.

No shit, I'm a strong "I"

Today in real estate land I had a 2 hour DiSC test seminar. When Realtors aren't busy getting listings or showing houses (which I am busy doing) we block off some free time to take some training. And my new office has a lot of sessions to offer...

My team decided to take the DiSC training. DiSC is a personality test.

For those of you new to this -

DiSC Classic Profile provides a nonjudgmental language for exploring issues across 4 primary dimensions of behavior:

* Dominance: Direct & Decisive. D's are strong-willed, strong-minded people who like accepting challenges, taking action, and getting immediate results

* influence: Optimistic & Outgoing. I's are "people people" who like participating on teams, sharing ideas, and energizing and entertaining others

* Steadiness: Sympathetic & Cooperative. S's are helpful people who like working behind the scenes, performing in consistent and predictable ways, and being good listeners

* Conscientiousness: Concerned & Correct. C's are sticklers for quality and like planning ahead, employing systematic approaches, and checking and re-checking for accuracy

(borrowed from www.disctests.com)

Now, I'm an iD. And I am not surprised one bit! However, as I was taking my test & interpreting my answers on graphs & charts I had a thought. I need to know where J lies on this spectrum. J & I butt heads a lot. And even though we get along great for the most part, I keep thinking about the past few weeks where we keep clashing on the smallest of things.

And now I have it figured out.

He is also an iD. And not only are both iDs, but we both are iDSC. In that exact same fucking order.

The mystery is solved. He's my long lost twin born 2 years before me in another state by two completely different parents.

Snort.

Seriously, I strongly suggest the test. Whether it is for work purposes or personal information only, it's interesting to read the details descriptions. Mine fits me pretty accurately. Almost, scarily.

I don't give a fuck about your fucking cake.

That is my random thought of the day. Catchy title, eh?

Tuesday started off with Lola in a crank ass mood. I'm hoping the day will get a little better, but we shall see.

And so far, not getting any better.

I just said FUCK to my boss.

Fuck.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Fuck.

I wish I weren't so fucking pissed today.

Message on a post-it.

My mother has been gone almost 10 years ago now. She used to come to my dreams frequently right after she passed away, but never with a real clear message. As time went on she visits my dreams almost never, but last night she sure did have something to say.

When she came to my dream last night she threw a white post-it note at me that said...

CALL WACHOVIA with an 800 number following.

HUH?

I was so startled at the way she threw that note at me that it woke me up at about 4am. I even thought about it for a while after I woke. Wachovia? They hold the title to my car & I make payments to them monthly, but why would I need to call them?

Any insight?

I am taking a break

From real estate.

I have been on such a roll that my head is spinning. It's 70 degrees, sunny & I have my babies. I'm going to enjoy this day!