Simply functional.

This blog is brought to you by the word function.

func⋅tion [fuhngk-shuhn] –noun

1. the kind of action or activity proper to a person, thing, or institution; the purpose for which something is designed or exists; role.
2. any ceremonious public or social gathering or occasion.
3. Mathematics.
a. Also called correspondence, map, mapping, transformation. a relation between two sets in which one element of the second set is assigned to each element of the first set, as the expression y = x2; operator.
b. Also called multiple-value function. a relation between two sets in which two or more elements of the second set are assigned to each element of the first set, as y2 = x2, which assigns to every x the two values y = +x and y = −x.
c. a set of ordered pairs in which none of the first elements of the pairs appears twice.

1. The following is a list of functions I assume on a daily basis*. I am a mother, stepmother, girlfriend, sister, lover, ex-wife, friend, butt-wiper, chef, chauffeur, maid, school volunteer, employee, story teller & of course, a princess**.

2. This morning I went to a function at the twins' elementary school. It was a Thankgsiving luncheon/program. It was amusing when one of the mom's asked me if I had received anything new since she last saw me at Chuck-E-Cheese (aka: Up Chucks). She was, of course, referring to my engagement ring which she said she could see all the way from the other side of the classroom. I guess it's pretty bling.

3. And last night I tried to help the Boy with his math homework. We were doing functions. The Boy forgot his math book & since I haven't had a 5th grade math lesson in 20 years. It was EPIC FAIL.



* I am not limited to just these specific functions. I have the right to assume any function because this is my life. Get your own function(s).

** My daughters' think I am a princess therefore I must be.

Pity Party of One.

Yep. I'm pitiful this morning. I'm feeling very sorry for myself, in deed. Sigh.

The girls & I had a rough morning. I'm not a morning person AT ALL. Before this school year we all woke up around 8am. I had them to school at 9:15 & I was in to the office work by 9:30. It was cake. This year I have to get up at 6:30 & they get up at 6:45 so that we can be out the door by 7:15 & to school by 7:45. Wugh.

Since last night was fundraiser night at Up Chuck E Cheese for the elementary they attend we got home a little late. They didn't get in to bed until well after 8pm. Closer to 9, actually.

This morning was a nightmare. They were tired, whiny, didn't want to wear the only weather appropriate outfit I could find, one pair of jeans was too tight & I had to find something else last minute, one child couldn't find her head band & pitched a kick fit right on her bedroom floor. Cry. It was pretty bad. So, instinctively I yelled, I spanked & I threw a big ol' fucking hissy fit right back at them.

Now, I feel a) stupid & b) sorry for myself.

Essentially I've been dealing with these two for 4 1/2 years by myself even though I was married for a great portion of that time span. My ex was always working. So, I either was home all day & all night with the girls or I was working all day & then home with them all night. (nights are so much more difficult than days... with the exception of mornings.)

All that I have ever wanted in life is an equal partner. And honestly, I'll never get that. Their dad is great, but he keeps them from 12-4 by himself 3-5x a week. I mean, really, that requires very little effort on his part. He gets to be the fun dad & just hang out with them for a few hours. He even gets a nap option if he chooses to take it! I get them up in the mornings, I get them to school which isn't close, I pick them up after work at his house which is not close, I feed them dinner, I bathe them (okay, well J has taken over that role & I'm so grateful!!) & I get them in bed while getting EVERYTHING ready for school the next day.

The point is that even though moms need breaks, they also deserve help from their spouse, ex-spouse, whatever. I'm tired of all the driving I do that my ex doesn't. I drive out of my way TWO TIMES A DAY to get my kids. And I do it in rush hour traffic both times. We will never get home before 6pm. And you know what? That fucking sucks. I'm tired of being the girls' punching bag every morning. I'm tired of starting out my days in a pissed off fucking mood. And I hate yelling at my tired children every morning to brush their teeth & put their jackets on because we're going to be late.

The kicker? I drive them to school every day & it's mid November. We haven't been late once! (Yes, I want a fucking cookie for that. I'm always late!)

Most everyone I know thinks my life is so damn peachy. Well, if you read what I wrote you'd know it isn't always.

/end whine

My ex is my ex for a reason & I am a better person because of everything I endure. Yadda yadda yadda. I am also very grateful for what I do have. And last night at Up Chuck's a mother in Annie's class came up to me & asked me what was up with EX HUSBAND'S hair. I casually mentioned that he & I were divorced & that his hair is no longer my concern. Snort.