Ahem.

Now that I have your attention, listen.

Listen very, very closely.

Do you hear me?

I HAVE GONE OFFICIALLY MAD!!!!

Snort.

No, really, I haven't driven off the deep end of reality, but I did do something I never thought I'd ever do in five million years....

Do you want to know what it is???

I will tell you...

if you listen.

So, last night J & I went out to a club in DC. It's our new favorite spot. And, every Saturday night there is a theme. Last week it was St Patrick's Day night & I wore a Catholic school girl outfit. This week it was Spring Fever & bathing suits were optional. Now, I left the house is jeans & a really cute backless shirt. I stuffed my teeny bikini in my purse thinking MAYBE I would wear it, but probably not. Well, a few drinks in to the night & a request from a new friend, I changed in the ladies room & put on my teeny bikini.

I wore a bikini in public. And, even though I have worn it to the beach to get a tan, I wore a mom suit to the public indoor pool earlier in the day. Because, well, wearing a teeny bikini while playing with your children in the indoor pool where there is absolutely NO SUN seems ridiculous to me. And, considering who I seem to run in to at the indoor pool, I am glad I didn't try to pull that off... It was sufficiently strange enough without having to worry about things popping out. Snort.

But, yeah, I put on the teeny bikini, coupled it with my killer heels & strutted around the club with a small onset of lookers...

Who am I? Who have I become? What has come over me?

You know what? After YEARS of struggling with my body image, I am finally comfortable with what I have. I instruct aerobics for fuck's sake (yeah, we aren't all stick figures, I swear) & I did get quite a few compliments last night in my teeny bikini. Hell, I've birthed twins & I am PROUD to be able to wear a bikini in public PROUDLY. Did I mention the word of the day is PROUD?

Please do not confuse this with me thinking I still can't stand to lose a few or tone up a bit, because let's face it, that's always an option. But, it feels good to just let go of your inhibitions & DO THE DAMN THING!
Until next time...

Mooo fucking moo

Mooooooooooooooo...........

I try really hard to not pass judgement on people. But, now I'm passing judgement on those who pass judgement on others. It's a little bit of an oxymoron, but well, this is my blog & I can say whatever I want. Hmph.

The pasture is green over here on my side of the fence & I would like to keep it that way. I hate to get all fired up over people who don't really matter to me, but what can I say? I'm a human, not a cow. And, when a person matters to someone that matters to me, I would rather stay on my pasture, but sometimes I need to walk right over to the other side of the fence & say "HEY, YOU SUCK!"

So, go mooooooooo somewhere else. Don't be such an all-knowing bitch. Don't bend the truth to suit your needs. And stop dishing out advice that you don't even take yourself. Because, you're nothing but a judgemental cow.

Put that in your milk & drink it.

Mooo.

I do have it all & I am happy. Oh yeah!

There. I said it. My life IS actually like a fairy tale. Now, I'm not saying it's a Disney fairy tale, but it's more like a Grimm Brothers. (Hansel & Gretel, anyone) But, still... I ALWAYS get my happy ending. Snort.

I just spent three days with an amazing person. Momjeans & I have had an almost seven year friendship with plenty of UPS & quite a few DOWNS. When we get together over some drinks not only do we talk about our future (commune in a camper, anyone?), but we also re-live some of our past. Yesterday, part of our past just kinda snuck up on us & hilarity ensued.

I've blogged about my past troubles with Internet message boards. Yes, it's no surprise that I don't always play well with others on boards claiming to be supportive. But, ya know, I seem to do okay with legitimately supportive boards?!?! About six years ago I had a huge falling out with a ton of members from a twin message board (www.twinshock.net for those who are nosy). Free publicity from my 70 followers :) Anyways, I don't really remember much about the fight except it started with Momjeans accidentally posting as her name under my account while staying at my house & ended up with my being banned for forgetting to log out of my account - leaving the entire site in danger because Momjeans had access to private forums! Oooh. How dumb of me?!!! However, during the time I was supposed to be banned, some idiot admin on the site accidentally gave me permission to each & every private forum on the site. Coincidence, much? I ended up reading a ton of their stupid shit stabbing at this supposedly "support" forum & copying & pasting it for all to read. I really did earn my new nickname, Cum Dumpster, for sure! However, I was really upset about losing what I thought were all of my friends & back then it was the end of the world. (back of my hand pressed drastically against my forehead & a big, dramatic sigh goes here) Needless to say, my life absolutely did go on & I hadn't really thought about that really lame incident in quite some time!

So, yesterday, Momjeans attended a Zumba class with me. I was instructing & she put on her Zigs & braved the whole scene with me to show her support towards my new career path! That was pretty freaking awesome of her. Hearts! She posted on her facebook that she was going to class to show her support & while she received a lot of "likes" & well wishes, someone obviously wasn't feeling the love & that was a person from about six years ago who probably dubbed me Cum Dumpster. (that's still my favorite term of endearment EVAH!) Instead of posting to Momjean's facebook, the girl posted on her own facebook wall something like this - Please tell Lola that I still think she is a twatface cunt. Don't quote me on that, but it went something like that.... the lovely words twat & cunt were there somewhere. I don't suppose she has learned in the past six years how to insult anyone without using parts of the female anatomy.

I laughed when Momjeans asked me if there was something I had done recently to this said person that would inspire her to openly express her unrequited adoration for me on her facebook page. Seriously, after six years wouldn't it be appropriate to let go of the hatred towards someone you had never even met in real life & know absolutely nothing about?! The drama six year prior is certainly at this point laughable, but the obvious hatred towards me as a person many years is a bit cuckoo!!! Now, I'm not sure, but this may be even funnier than the fact that I am banned from www.twinstuff.com until the year 2014. Double snort.

Ahhh, the good ol' days when all I had was infant twins & front row seats to all of the most entertaining Internet drama that a sleep deprived twin mom could ask! OMG, did I put my commas in the correct place?!?!?!?!

Anyways, it is fabulous that I could snap my fingers & come up with something entertaining to write about in my lately otherwise BORING blog.

It's been a while................

It really has been a while. A long while. And, I finally have 70 followers instead of 69. That's exciting, especially since I haven't even written anything other than notes to the kid's teachers in ages.

Life is changing. But, it's all really good stuff. I am now a certified Zumba instructor & I am opening my OWN dance fitness studio. (well, I do have a business partner) Lola Starr, business owner, fitness instructor, girl on fire! Who am I these days???????

I enjoy being a stay at home mother, but it's never been the only hat I wanted to wear. I am so over being a real estate agent it isn't even funny. And, I think I found something I am not only really good at doing, but that I enjoy tremendously. So, if anyone is looking for a party workout, let me know. I hope to have the studio up & running by end of Spring.

My relationship is going well. We had some really great weeks & some really off weeks, but things are coming together. I did manage to kick a hole in my bathroom wall the size of Texas, but angry Lola has passed. I hope.

My girls are turning seven this week & the ex & I are doing a joint party. That's a big step for us & I'm glad that we continue to be really good friends. It does make things in a divorced situation that much easier. I wish I could say the same for J's ex, but after the past horrible events I blogged about with her, things seem to be on an even keel for now. She's in a serious relationship & when she isn't taking exotic trips all over the world without so much as telling her children she is out of town, she is actually being NICE, again. So, that's a good thing. I try not to dwell on it much because I don't really care about it that much.... or do I?

JM & I had a very interesting Friday night. We were in DC, met a really nice couple from Reston, but encountered some really weird shit along the way. I don't think it's something I want to blog about, but maybe one day.

The drama with my own family is still presenting itself. Now, there is just more shit to add to the fan. I can't really blog about that either since I know a lot of information I am not yet supposed to know. We'll talk about that next time.

And, since I'm skating around things I don't want to blog about, I will tell you all something I do want to blog about...

My sister is about to kill her plumber. She just informed me.

Carry on & have a great week!

So, yeah.

I'm in a blah place in life. All of my friends have noticed. I've not returned phone calls, been on dates & hell, I have a problem returning emails.

But, I'm getting better.

I've been feeling stuck in a rut for quite some time. It's a combination of many, many things. But, mostly with the death of my Grandmother. Yesterday was her 80th birthday & she wasn't here to celebrate.

I have been trying to get J off the couch for hours to go get me a freaking bagel. Why is he home? He has been ignoring me all day long.

Snort.

With the help of my sister's creative mind I contemplating a business venture. I know, most businesses end if failure. Just ask J how his is doing. JUST KIDDING! We still have a roof over our head & food in our bellies. Anyways, it's no surprise I inherited a small fortune. I just want to put the small fortune to good use. Mix that with my love of exercise (zumba specifically) & you get the idea.

No more talking. I have a bagel to fetch.

Song of the week.

Bless your heart.

I peed on myself.

That's right. I did. It was hilarious.

Picture this if you will. Lola is running late on her way to Fairfax to a gym where she doesn't belong or had never been. Her bestie, Hottie #2 is teacher a step class & Lola wants to join her for step & dinner aftewards. She is driving frantically because, well, she is late. That's nothing new. Lola has horrible night vision & now that it gets dark before 6pm, she should be banned from going anywhere, but by the forces of nature, she is not.

I am lost. The address will not pull up on my GPS. (I know, I went from 3rd person to 1st person. It's ok. It's mah blawg) So, I decide to turn around thinking I had driven past this so-called gym that exists. I hit a curb. I blow out my tire. I even ruin my rim. I'm in the middle of nowhere Fairfax. I park the car in a neighborhood & I am surrounded by nothing.

I have to pee. I walk up the street & notice a gas station a few blocks away. It is pitch black. I am in the middle of nowhere & this gas station is the only end in sight for me. I take the trail. I hear a noise in the bushes. And, then I SEE the bushes move. I go back to my car. Epic fail.

I could pee in the woods, but I see a few joggers out & the thrill of being caught with my pants down does not appeal to me. I could knock on the door to some random townhouse hoping some nice neighbor will take pity on me on this horribly cold evening & let me use their bathroom. Yeah, no.

So, I have an idea. I have a cup in the car & I'm gonna pee in it! J is 1/2 an hour away & I just don't want to hold it for that long. I lock the doors, jump in the backseat & pull my pants down. I can't see what I am doing. Did I mention it was PITCH FUCKING BLACK? I turn on the light in the backseat & squat. I miss the cup. Pee is running down my leg, on to my leather seat & I stop peeing. I readjust myself over the cup & let it flow. The cup fills. I am not done with the peeing process. I stop, open the car door & let the pee out. Pee, you are free!

Okay, take twenty. I continue to pee & this time I overfill the cup & pee gets everywhere, again. Fuck. I am trying to clean up pee, hold a cup full of pee without spilling any more of it & my ass is hanging out. All of a sudden, a jogger runs by & I am caught, well, with my pants down & my big, white ass pressed against my backseat window. Oh yeah, the light is still ON!

Hmmm. I am now in a bit of a jam. Flat tire in dark neighborhood at 8pm, not a problem. Fuck, I'm not in a jam, I have a situation. I let the jogger go by wishing he didn't see what I think he saw. And if he saw what I think he saw I hope he doesn't have nightmares about my big, white ass for the rest of his life. I open the car door, dump the pee & put the cup in a plastic bag. I grab my sweat towel that I won't be needing since I will never make step class. I clean up the seat, the console, my ass, my legs, my crotch & I finally pull my pants back up.

I'm wet. It's cold. And, to make matters worse I had only emptied HALF of my bladder. Fuck it, I'm waiting.

What seemed like the longest wait ever, J arrives. He is in the backseat trying to find the jack to my car when he puts his hand in something wet. He wipes his hand dry on his jeans & says, "What the hell is all over the seat?"

Double snort.

Fall is here & I'm back to blogging again.

It's fall. And, things are changing & I don't just mean the leaves.

I just returned from Texas. Oh, the great state of Texas! It started as a birthday trip for J & it turned in to I get to go to Texas to help go through Nana's house & emotionally divide up her life between me, my sister, my cousin, my aunt & my uncle. Fun, eh?

The good news is that I am inheriting a beautiful oriental rug & Nana's Grandfather clock. The bad news is that I am not getting the mink. And, although I have never been one for animal fur, I could really pull off that look. However, another family member decided she needs the mink that doesn't fit over her boobs because South Texas gets so cold that I guess she needs it for warmth. Having big boobs does not keep you warm in those bitter cold Texas winters & so, I'll just buy my own set of big boobs, I guess.

I refuse to be petty, so instead of trying to reason with her, I'm just going to put it in my blog. Ha. Not petty. No way. Me, never?

I did enjoy hanging out with my cousins & going to the local watering hole for a fun, drunken night. I truly do have some of the best cousins EVAH! I also had some quality time with my sister & my nephew. I also made up with my brother-in-law after the rich & snobby nonsense that we both took a little too far after my wedding. Some people break bread when they forgive each other. We went to CHED & smoked a peace pipe.

Settling my Grandmother's estate is hard & has been a very emotional experience. I am truly blessed to have been left with more money than I will probably ever have in my lifetime, but I would gladly give that back & my right arm to have both of Grandparents alive & healthy.

Double sigh. It's going to be a rough winter. And, I don't mean because I am minus one mink coat.

Wishful Monday

Today is a day of wishes. Why? Because I said so. This is my blog & I'll do whatever I want.

1. I wish I had a million dollars.

2. I wish I knew what I was going to do with a bushel & a half of apples. Apple picking yesterday went quite well.

3. I wish I could get 70 followers on this blog. I've had 69 for 2 months now! C'mon. Someone hit the FOLLOW THIS BLOG button for me.

4. I wish I lived closer to my family. I miss them.

5. I wish hummus had no calories.

6. I wish my tailbone didn't hurt or feel like it was out of place. My butt is lumpy.

7. I wish my children did not throw tantrums like they did when they were 2. These tantrums are worse, actually. I'm sure I will be drinking a lot of wine tonight.


It's Monday, so we'll see how many wishes come true for me this week!

Have a wonderful week!

Get off of my property, Lola, or I'll call the cops on you.

Yep. The crazy ex-wife actually said that to me on Friday evening.

Le Sigh.

White trash, much?

Long story short, Friday night Ex called J because the Boy's skateboard got "stolen" off of her front door step. She was already angry & taking it out on the Boy. For some reason it was his fault. And, she was outwardly blaming his two friends who were there helping J & I look for the board around the neighborhood while she stood on the front porch, arms crossed, cussing the world...

She's yelling at the Boy, his two friends & then she starts yelling at J. She's causing a scene in front of her home. The Boy wants to go home with us. We want to take him. She accuses J of stealing her son & she threatens to call the police if we leave with him. She goes inside & slams the door, locking him out. He gets in our car & of course, we are afraid to leave with him for fear she will call the cops.

I tell the Boy that perhaps he should go tell his mom he wants to leave with us, so it doesn't appear that we are, well, you know, stealing him. What kind of behavior is this anyways?!?!?!? Who does this in front of their children?!?!?!?!?

She is upstairs yapping on the phone to someone lying about the events that have just taken place.. in her mind. She is telling someone that we are yelling at her & at this point, I've not even opened my mouth. I am staying in the car to avoid a scene.

Until...

She locks the Boy out & won't open the door. When she finally does she is screaming at J & the Boy. J starts yelling back. (how could you not?) It's a train wreck, so I jump out to attempt to keep some semblance of peace. Epic fail.

Before I can even open my mouth, she says.. (and I quote)

"Lola, get off my property before I call the cops on you!"

What the fuck? I simply tell her they are all acting ridiculous & she should think of HER SON who is crying, has been embarrassed in front of his friends & wants to leave her home for fear of what she'll do next. Of course, I don't say all of that because my jaw is still on the ground, literally.

I just say that sometimes she think about her kids first. And, she goes off on me, the Boy & J. J tells the Boy to go inside & that we'll come back to get him. Meanwhile, we go home & call the police ourselves to inquire the consequences, if any, of actually letting him come home. They were helpful & stated that unless he didn't want to go to our house, they wouldn't remove him. They would, however, come out to hear both sides & make an informed decision as to where he would best be cared for at that moment. Well, we know it would be with us, but we want to avoid putting him in that situation.

We call him 20 minutes later & his mom has let him out of the house, back over to the two friends that supposedly stole his skateboard & all is right for now. She even texted J saying that we won & she apologized to the two kids she wrongfully accused.

Do you know where the skateboard was? We found it, laying in front of the gutter. It had rolled off of her front porch & landed on the curb in front of the gutter.

Mark my words. We are going to court to get custody of these children. I will not allow her to scar them like this. I have too many visions of my own childhood filled with yelling, fighting, cops & more.

She sucks.

Bow chicka bow bow

Sunday morning, I grabbed my laptop charger out of my briefcase & opened my computer. The first thing I see is a huge nut sack courtesy pornhub. I laugh. Outloud.

The night before the Boy had called me asking where my charger was to my laptop & I couldn't remember what I had done with it, so I told him just to use the other laptop. Now, I see the urgency in the request. The laptop had apparently died mid video.

I went inside, laptop in hand, & directed my question at the two teenage boys on my couch.

"Which one of you was looking at porn last night?"

I fully knew it was the Boy. His friend was babysitting the night before & was not here. The Boy was embarrassed. And, I just laughed.

When I called J to report the news, he was shocked. Not that his son had been watching porn, but that I had called him out in front of his friend.

I'm not stupid. I know they've seen porn together on MY laptop. How do I know this? I check the history & although they delete from the tool bar, my cache is dirty with cock & balls. I look at porn on occasion, but I know to delete EVERYTHING. Snort. Plus, I prefer girl/girl so no cock & balls necessary.

What does a parent do in this situation? My sister said it best. You have to teach your child that sex leads to viruses & virtual sex leads to viruses. So, either way you will infect something with an STD.

I guess it's time to buy him a Playboy magazine or something. I'm all about promoting self "love".

It's random, I promise.

Is it sad that my biggest debate this morning is whether or not I want to take an Adderall because I only slept 2 hours last night. No wonder my friend who gave them to me also is prescribed Ambien.

Last night a Redskins coach bought Hottie #2 & I a drink. I was wearing a Cowboys t-shirt. So, did he think I was a MILF or did he just feel sorry for me? (Cowboys, 0-2)

I have to go to Walmart today. I was just introduced to http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/. Perhaps I'll dress up like Madonna circa the "Like a Virgin" era & see what happens.

It's 10:00am, do you know where my dog is?

Have a great Monday.

Go to bed, Lola.

It's a typical kid-free weekend in the hizzle & come Sunday, I am wiped out. Hang on Friday night with neighbors around a bonfire on my new patio. (J worked really hard on it this week & is very proud) Saturday we call for reinforcements & hit up the Irish Pub complete with Irish car bombs, DJ, ice luge, one Deleware friend celebrating her birthday, Hottie #2 & company & decided it was smart to just call the cab on the way there & the way home. Why bother with having to go get your car the next day? It was that kinda night. I should blog about it & I will. You know, you know, you've read it.

When I have more spare time. I still haven't told ya'll all the fabulous wedding details.

One thing at

a time. Blogs are like accidents. They just happen when you weren't expecting it. And, tonight it's all about this blog.

Today was a typical lazy, kid-free, hungover type day. Except, Hottie #2 had invited me to hang out to watch the football game & let our dogs play. (they are besties, too. It's cute) J doesn't want to go because he is tired & we've just left a one year old's birthday party. I took one for the team & just went. It's 8pm & bed sounds great. Well, now it's 2:30am & bed is great, but I have a blog to write.

It's about relationships, friendships & assholes.

Hottie #2 is what I typically call my "ultimate single girlfriend". Which, after tonight, I will revise. It isn't because she's unavailable, because she is still single. But, I realized tonight that perhaps not everyone takes glory in the fact they are single. Hottie #2 basically & for lack of better words got dumped last week by a guy she had been dating happily for 3 months. I know, what you're thinking... how bad could it be after only 3 months. She'll get over it.

And, she will. But, it basically was one of those, "It's not you, it's me" type situations. And, she really doesn't know how, why or what the fuck just happened there. Over the years I've met quite a few of the guys she has dated & when I met him, he just struck me as THE ONE. Not the one she'll necessarily marry, but the one who isn't going to dick her over. I've never really seen one girl get screwed over by as many guys as she has. Everyone she meets is too needy, too clingy, stupid (sorry Troy), thinks they are too cool, just wants to fuck... blah blah blah. You name it, I've seen it.

Now, if you are going to say if a girl with a Masters degree, no extra baggage (and by that I mean ex-husbands/kids), sweet, beautiful, amazing listener, fun & just the perfect candidate for a suitable, non psychotic mate can't hold a boyfriend that it just must be her, you are wrong. (her banging body doesn't hurt, either) At one point, I possibly thought maybe she was just too picky with guys, but after this latest douche, I realized something. That is not the case.

So, tonight was not really about football in case you were wondering. I wore my Cowboys tshirt & she wore her Redskins. She cheered for Peyton Manning & I for Eli. BUT, for the most part we sat, drank & played Photo Hunt in awe of the high score & how if we put enough money in the machine, sure we could beat that score!

We never did.

A guy bought us drinks, we ended up socializing to the nearly closing bar after 3 hours of Photo Hunt & after the "I'm only having one drink" night escaladed to the shots lovingly called a Blonde Headed Sluts, we were having a party. Just like we always do. Just as we had done the night before, in fact.

I followed her home to retrieve my dog & we started the girl talk. I mean, we ignored reality for hours so it was over due. The topic of the douche that dumped her came up & how she happened to see him at the mall this week with another girl. Then I start reading his blow off emails to her & it clicks. The guy is either fucking another girl or he's totally afraid of comittment. He pussied out. Hottie #2, like most women, is insecure & he knew that. So instead of just being honest about what went wrong, he pulled that old card about how she deserves better, blah blah, lie, blah, lie, asshole.

So if you are still following this equation, Hottie #2 thinks it was HER, because he never really explained why, how or what the fuck just happened here. Yes, of course, the girl he was with could have just been his friend, but. but. but.

Really?

She deserves a decent guy & a functional relationship. And, I really hope she gets it, sooner rather than later. I can't think of anyone who deserves that more.

If she can put up with me being a Cowboys fan, she can do anything!

Introducing the missus, Texas style!

J planned our first dance in super spy, top secret fashion. We bantered back & forth on songs, but ultimately he wanted it to be his decision. I was only somewhat nervous. And, while I had some frightening images of us break dancing to "Baby Got Back" or "Can't Touch This", I somehow knew he'd make the right selection. The only thing I asked him was did we have to two-step for our dance. I can two-step for days aross the great state of Texas, but J has only recently learned & although I love him for trying, he hasn't really mastered it, yet. (he tends to step on my toes A LOT!)

He came through & made the right choice. We ended up slow dancing to "Free" by Zac Brown Band. It's a song we both enjoy & although, I was pleased, I wasn't surprised. Little did I know he had something far less predictable up his sleeve. Halfway through the dance the song cut out & the DJ announced he was having technical difficulties. I announced that it was time to start break dancing. Snort.

The next thing I know, J is running to the DJ booth, grabbing our cowboy boots from under it & we are changing our shoes! "Whatever It Is" by Zac Brown Band starts playing & we sure as shit, two-stepped. It was like the night we got drunk & played that song over & over from the good old iPod docking station while dancing across our bedroom floor. The music in our bedroom was so loud that night that we woke our next door neighbor up at 3am! Oops.

My Texas family was in cahoots & everyone else was cheering him on as he twirled me around the dance floor. J honored my Southern roots & it was simply perfect. Right then I knew that I had married the right person & that I would endure all in which he has to offer me for the rest of my life. Snort. And, I will absolutely try to do this with a smile on my face & dinner on the table by 6pm sharp every night. Maybe I'll even bake him a pie or two. (Nana did that for Papa in the first years of their marriage & it worked for them!)

I love this man. He has tamed the wild beast that Lola once was...

So, without further ado, I present the first wedding pictures to grace my blog. And, of course, my song of the day.

Once a cheater, always a cheater?

My sister just told me that all cheaters are douchebags. I did cheat on my ex-husband. I cheated on him with my bestfriend. That was very douchey. I admit that.

But, I have changed. Or better yet, I have found my perfect match in a mate. I am married to someone who supports me emotionally, physically, sexually & everything in between. We are open with each other. I have everything in him that I didn't have in anyone else I've ever been with. He's a total package for me.

And, I am, for him. A total package and then some extra suitcases...

As far as changing, I have learned my lesson that cheating just really ruins your life & everyone else's life, too. And, J cheated on his ex-wife, too. We've both been there, done that, got the t-shirt & bore the scarlet letter "A".

Neither one of us is any different now, but we both just understand what it takes to make each other happy & we're okay with that.

So, yes, sister - cheating is douchey, but not all cheaters are douchebags. Some of us have overcome our pasts & decided to make wiser decisions as we gain age & experience.

Love you! <3

All in all it was a bad trip.

I am seriously going to blog about this.

The other night J & I were having a bit of action. Action = wacky tobacky. We partake from time to time. It is a great stress relief, it cures all of my aches & pains & well, I just enjoy it.

Well, I did enjoy it. Until Saturday night.

We were out in the backyard having a few hits before bed when all of a sudden I had one hit too many. I mean, really, I only had 3, but this stuff was potent. And, by the time I went inside I could hardly stand. Great role model for my sleeping children, btw. Luckily, they were seriously sleeping.

I got upstairs & started panicking. My heart was racing. My mind was spinning. And, I told J to call 911. Para. Which, thankfully he did not do. I seriously thought I was dying & now that I'm in a sober state of mind, I cringe to think that I almost made an ass of myself by going to the hospital on a pot overdose.

J held me for an hour with his hand on my chest. No, he wasn't molesting me. He was making me feel comfortable by keeping track of my heart rate. That is love, baby. I ended up nodding in & out & at one point I jumped in my sleep. This started the panic attack all over again. I fought sleep thinking if I closed my eyes I wouldn't wake up. I was praying. I was asking for forgiveness of all of my sins & boy, that took at least an hour! If not more...

I remember telling J that it was laced with something, but yet, he was fine. Finally, I snoozed & in the morning I felt completely fine, except for a headache from not getting enough sleep. And, I'm pretty sure my action days are over. For now. I don't need to ever feel like I'm dying again, unless I really am.

So.

Yeah.

Done.

Step in to the light...

Am I the only who can see that you are just trying too hard? It makes me cringe to see that you want something back that you fucked up so many moons ago. The harder you try to get it back for you, the more I feel sorry for you.

Do yourself a favor & just move on. I'm just an outsider, but I can't even imagine being in this equation. Eeek.

Suddenly Wednesday

Wednesday. For many reasons it used to be my favorite day of the week. These days, it's just another day in the life of a married lady with a million kids. I remember when my blog was about a single mom with twin daughters. Boy, how things change.

My daughters started first grade yesterday. I'm feeling nostalgic. And, a bit melodramatic. With a touch of sarcastic flair...

Against everyone's advice, I put the girls in the same first grade class. Most counties have a rule that they separate twins and my children have been separated since they started public school two years ago. In preschool, they were always together, but when they went to pre-K they were in difference classes. Kindergarten, they each had their own class. This year, I wanted to try something different, so I requested to have them together. It's only day two, but so far so good. And this way I only have to be room mother for ONE class. Insert paranoid face here.

The Boy started middle school. For some reason, our county doesn't start middle school until 7th grade. And, today as I'm chatting with an old friend of mine on facebook from West Memorial Junior High in Katy, TX, I made the remark to her about how my stepson just started middle school & since we were besties in middle school, this is making me feel REALLY, REALLY OLD!

I'm on yahoo with my sister right now discussing old friends from high school & I just asked if she was feeling old, too. And, she is. On another note, my sister & I just went on another month's hiatus & we've finally made up. It happens about once a year where we visit each other, get in a fight and go for an extended amount of time without speaking. This time I even took her off of my facebook. Snicker. It's part of our somewhat, tumultous relationship. Life's too short for this petty shit. I'm glad we moved past it, because I really missed wasting my time with her on yahoo every day.

Can you imagine being 29 years old, still living at home, not working in two years & having your parents still paying your bills?? That's a random thought.

So, my big Wednesday plans are going to go something like this- Right now, I'm yahooing with my sister & discussing random people from high school & how sucky their lives are. Then, I'm going to shower & get ready to have lunch with my dear friend, Ladyhawk. I don't see her often enough & so, I'm looking forward to catching up. Then, I'm going to finish girl scout troop planning, clean the main level of the house & wait for the kiddos to come home from school.

My sister & I have moved to on to discussing people on facebook who don't have cute babies. We are going to hell. But, at least we'll be together.

Happy Wednesday to all.

A letter from the past.

My sister & my aunts were going through my Grandmother's office this weekend. My sister found this letter my Nana wrote the donor family from my Mom's liver transplant 3 months after my Mom passed away.

Warning - it's sad, but beautiful letter. Get the tissues.

Dear ones,

This a very difficult letter for me to write as i do not know to whom i am writing. And there are times such as these when a thank you cannot and is not sufficient. As a mother, for me to try to convey to someone that I do not know and will probably never be given the opportunity to thank personaly how deeply grateful my family and I are to you, so unselfishly gave the greatest of gifts your loved ones organ for transplant. The gift of a liver was the gift that could save my child's life and our gratitude is beyond words. Our family has thought of you so often, we have prayed for you and continue to hope that God's richest blessings will be yours. We know that your lives have been filled with pain and that there is any empty void that cannot be filled by the loss of the one you loved. We also know that you have to be a wonderful family, as in your darkest hours of grief you would think of someone else.


The gift of a liver transplant meant that our 45 year old daughter would have the opportunity for life, and to have a better quality of life. Unfortunatlty, for us God must have had a better plan, our daugher came through the 12 hours surgery, and even had to have a second minor surgery to repair a leaking bile duct two days later. After seven days she was moved from ICU to a room. That evening she was able to walk down the hall. The next morning they took her for what was to be a routine test, a chest x-ray and lab work, and although we did not know it, a liver biopsy. Later we where told that the reason for the biopsy was that this was the only way they could determine if her body was rejecting the transplant, and if so, they could change her anti-rejection drug. It was not. In a liver bioposy one patient in 1,000 would bleed, one in 10,000 would hemmorage. Our daugheter hemmoraged and suffered cardiac arrest. They where able to restart her heart after a period of time, and then do another necessary surgery. This left our daugher in a coma and fifteen days later we lost her without her ever regaining conciousness. She had suffered severe brain damage from the cardiac arrest.


I know that perhaps I should not have told you about our daugher's death, but I feel that you want to know as I am sure that everyday you wonder about who had the organs of your loved one, and how they where getting along. Our daugher was a wonderful, wonderful child, mischevious, a great sense of humor, and who loved life and her family. She was a single parent and left two daughers, 19 and 21. She had a very good job, and was very good at her job.


I just want you and all your family to know that you will always hold a very high and special place in our hearts. We know your pain and your sorrow. My husband and I will be married 51 years. We are the parents of three other children and have nine grandchildren. We lost our first grandchild in a car wreck when she was 16. Our daugher that we lost was our 2nd child, and just like you and your family, will never get over the loss, but we are learning to live with it, and we wish that life could have been different for you all and for us.


Thank you from the bottom of our hearts. I can only hope that this letter reaches you someday, and if you should wish to correspond with us, i would be so happy to hear from you. Even if i never do, please know that in this this great big world, there is a family that will ever be in your debt. A debt that can never be repaid.


In grateful appreciation, DSK

The Outer Banks

I am so off on blogging, but it's all because of my wedding. And, that's over. I realize I need to blog about that, too, but first things first.

I just returned from a one week stay in Nagshead, NC. J & I & our adorable (I mean annoying) kids....

Plus -

His oldest sister, her estranged husband, their two nieces from NY & their son.
His younger brother, his wife & their baby that I want to steal.
His younger sister, her husband & their two babies - one toddler & one infant.
His youngest brother & his girlfriend.
And his mom. And her husband.

Oh. the. drama.

I'll start from the bottom & work my way up.

Mom is crazy, lazy & spacey. Her husband is supportive of this type of behavior. The Grandmother complained about her grandkids, having to watch any of them & I felt incredibly guilty about having asked her to watch Thing 1 & Thing 2 for 25 whole minutes so I could take a quick run. (J & his kids came 2 days after me) She looked right at me & said, "It's not you!" Take another percocet, Granny, and give me one, too. Snort.

Fireman & Lawyer are single with no kids. Fireman is a hot specimen of brother & Lawyer is great until she starts complaining about all the kids. Again, with the kids. Everyone knew who was coming ahead of time. I don't want to hear it about the annoying kids. Half of them are mine, bitch. They got in to a huge, pour your drink in your face, type fight one night during a routine game of Asshole. It didn't end so well. J & favorite Brother chased Fireman in the dark towards the beach following wet footprints as he stumbled around town drunk. Gertrude & I tried to calm her down by tell her all of our horror stories with our men. I mean they are all brothers & pretty much all have the asshole gene. We tried teaching her that sometimes you just have to deal with it instead of resorting to wasting good alcohol! I'm still wondering if they are headed towards splitsville.

The parents with two under two... Ariel parents the two year old by saying "NO". There is nothing worse than telling your child no all the time. He's a boy, he's 2 & he really is cute. Give him a chance to do something, will ya? Then maybe you won't be so stressed out. Her husband just looks at her & says things like, "Number 2(the baby) needs you & since I can't make her happy will you stop whatever it is you could be possibly doing & take care of her. Oh & fix me another drink will ya?" Sigh. Sometimes having a douchebag husband who doesn't help out sucks.

Favorite Brother, his wife, Gertrude & their baby are well, my favorites. Aside from having the burden of a 9 month old, they are still fun & with it. They are not assholes, but they did get on each other's nerves. Especially when he lost the car keys & she blamed him for losing them because he drinks too much. It was all fun & games until Big Sis found the keys in baby's diaper bag where Gertrude had left them. This was long after we stopped digging through the garbage bags to look for them. Ooops. Conclusion: Thank goodness the keys were no where to be found so no one could drink & drive!

Big Sister with all of her issues. She actually rode down with me & the twins because she hates her husband. She's in love with another man who happens to be in rehab. Of course, it's not his fault. Nor hers. But, dammit, divorce the husband & stop bringing him on "family" vacations where he feels like a dumbass for even being there. They slept in separate rooms & she spent her entire days & nights with her Droid on her ear talking to the guy she tells everyone else she is just friends with. Dude, I heard you in the car on the phone with him for 10 plus hours. You love him. Or something. And, since I have all of this affair & being in love with someone else bullshit under my belt already, I was a good source of companionship & wisdom. She now has the name of my divorce attorney & I hope it works out for her. She deserves happiness.

All in all, it was a great time. The Boy learned to skim board & subsequently, I learned to do it as well. It is NOT easy. I also body surfed in 8 foot waves which I had never done. (hurricane activity in the Atlantic...) I am still unpacking & recovering & school starts next week. I also rocked a bikini for the first time in 20 years. What? What? I'm tan in places I haven't been in a long time & it feels good to show off the body you never had, even after having twins. Oh & in our game of Asshole, somehow I got the nickname Big Sloppy Pussy or bsp for short. Snort.

I'm back & I'm ready to blog. Amen.